How to cope with comments related to perceived privilege?

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Note: I had posted this in another thread, but I'm going to delete it because it felt more appropriate here.

An older post that can give some context, although reading it isn't necessary imo: viewtopic.php?t=421592

I'm making this post because I recently started a discussion about support systems in academia for autistic students. When I've brought up various supports I've had over the years that my parents helped fund (life coaches mainly), I was told that I was extremely privileged in my case (I'm in the US for context). However, when I brought up programs for autistic students that cost $4k-5k per semester and how financial aid can fund it (e.g., students mainly take out loans to do so), those weren't seen as nearly as privileged at all compared to a life coach. This is despite the fact my undergrad never had a program similar to that at all. I also knew many students in those programs who could only afford it for a semester or two before their parents could no longer afford it or they'd have to borrow money to do so.

Their argument was that everyone has some form of privilege (e.g., middle class American families affording for their kids to go to college. They didn't give that as an example that's just one I can think of immediately that isn't super controversial) and that my privilege was massive compared to other autistics and even those without any disabilities. Even to the point a couple have called me "spoon fed... using all of mommy's and daddy's money."

I just find it strange because I don't see the kind of support I got as any different from those programs some universities offer in this case. I feel like I'm missing something here. I get that a lot of people normally wouldn't go to university because they can't afford it at all. I also understand how being able to afford outside help without going into debt is a privilege. I just can't tell the difference in this case, whatever others are implying it may be.

Now, to the point of this post. It's clear others won't change their mind at all. So, how do I cope/confront with comments related to my perceived privileges? I recognize that not every autistic can afford or get what I've had, but it's strange to me how those programs are fine yet the other stuff I used that would've given me similar outcomes (e.g., help on graduate school applications through programs like ASPIRE, etc.) are not for whatever reason.

I ignore such comments. Such people are a waste of my time.

Shaming is still shaming.
Invalidation is still invalidation.


You're not some thief, you're not obligated to 'payback' due to your advantages.

You're not someone who can change the system at large.
You're not the one who's running the economic system.
You're not the person who can just change the larger culture alone.

Even if you do not have said privileges right after then, nothing of anyone else's situation will change.


Says more about them than about you.



Best you can do is learn what isn't very accessible.
Because those who usually can't access those things are unlikely know what it is about and cannot help you overall related to those things if you're inquiring if such things are worth it.


Thus they will, at some point, assume you know more because you can access more.
You can reveal to them if it's worth it or not should the question arises.

When you know what's not accessible at large (and it's implications and consequences along with it), you will learn what others can offer you that money cannot simply buy; most of which are other strategies that costs nothing but time to find the knowledge and the self practice.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

People will tell you all sorts of things and have all sorts of opinions.

Seldom do you find others that have something of value to tell you.

You may wish to minimize the time you have to spend with those who want to control you, use you as an object to be controlled, use you as a whipping post, or otherwise seek to exploit you.

Since they are so hard to find, it can be more productive to invest your time seeking those who can teach you, appreciate you, or have fun with you.

Possibly a controversial take from me:

Things like this are why I despise the concept of "privilege." Whatever the original intentions, it's just become the latest liscense to make broad assumptions based on limited info (what was formerly known as "prejudice") and bully people.

There's a reaction people have that I call "How Can You Complain When There Are Real People With Real Problems?" Basically, the idea that there is a quota of suffering that you haven't met and thus they treat you as if you're getting away with something. "Privilege" is just the new face of that.

I think the real problem is that people have trouble accepting help!

So many people struggle trying to do things without help!
They turn down offers for assistance.

We live in an world in which nobody would survive for long on our own.

^

Yes, exactly.

Many times, when someone accused me of having "privilege", a little digging reveals that (1) I have earned the "privilege" while (2) the accuser has done nothing of the kind.

(Maybe they're jealous?)

HE: "You got that job because of white male privilege."

ME: "No, I got that job because I put myself through school to earn the grades that led to the degrees that met the requirements for the job.  If you want a job like mine, you first have to earn it."

I tell people that I don't take part in such conversations.

Having a disability is a disadvantage in the first place, so being able to access help that makes the disability more manageable is not actually a privilege, it doesn't even even out the playing field, because you still have the disability and the help doesn't suddenly make it okay.

We each have advantages in some things and disadvantages in others. It can be illuminating to examine how a person on the spectrum has a unique advantage (or "privilege") in some ways but then not in others. But it's really up to you if you want to deal with this kind of discussion.

Believe it or not, there was a time not that long ago when talk of privilege did not exist. I'm not sure how society shot over the moon and landed into this rabid questioning of everyone instead of simple kindness.