How do you decide if someone is right for you?

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bee33
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10 Sep 2024, 2:10 am

Whether you're meeting someone online, through friends, on a blind date, or at a social event, or work, wherever, what is it about someone that makes you think, yes, this could work, this person is right for me? And how long does it take? Do you have a sense of it right away or do you need to get to know them?



cyberdad
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10 Sep 2024, 3:26 am

I assume this question is for females. For males, I'm afraid its rather simple.



bee33
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10 Sep 2024, 3:41 am

No, the question is for any gender. I don't see why it would be simple for men. Is sexual attraction the only factor in choosing a life partner?



Carbonhalo
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10 Sep 2024, 4:22 am

I'm with cyberdad.
When you wake up next to someone 3/4 of the selection process is done and dusted.
(Mostly beforehand I hope)



bee33
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10 Sep 2024, 4:25 am

Does this explain why so many relationships don't work out? Sex is part of it, for sure, but that can't be the basis for the relationship. That possibility has never crossed my mind, that attraction would be one and done, not for men or women or other genders.



Carbonhalo
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10 Sep 2024, 4:40 am

The last quarter consists of "holy crap...she came back"



Benjamin the Donkey
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10 Sep 2024, 4:48 am

cyberdad wrote:
I assume this question is for females. For males, I'm afraid its rather simple.

I don't think so.


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cyberdad
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10 Sep 2024, 5:04 am

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
I assume this question is for females. For males, I'm afraid its rather simple.

I don't think so.


Oh brother, Bee's question was "Is this person right for me". For a male the algorithm is simple, nice pleasant personality, she isn't running away, she could be the one.



bee33
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10 Sep 2024, 5:08 am

cyberdad wrote:
Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
I assume this question is for females. For males, I'm afraid its rather simple.

I don't think so.


Oh brother, Bee's question was "Is this person right for me". For a male the algorithm is simple.

Are you really saying that you would go ahead and marry someone and plan to share the rest of your life with them just because you find them hot? I find that impossible to believe. Are you also saying that the first attractive woman who gives you the time of day is going to be your ideal partner? Surely the same feeling of compatibility and rightness that women experience also applies to men. The alternative is simply impossible.



cyberdad
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10 Sep 2024, 5:10 am

bee33 wrote:
Are you really saying that you would go ahead and marry someone and plan to share the rest of your life with them just because you find them hot? I find that impossible to believe. Are you also saying that the first attractive woman who gives you the time of day is going to be your ideal partner? Surely the same feeling of compatibility and rightness that women experience also applies to men. The alternative is simply impossible.


read my post
pleasant personality - tick
She isn't running away - tick
She could be the one



Carbonhalo
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10 Sep 2024, 5:11 am

Pass the popcorn... This threads Getting interesting



bee33
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10 Sep 2024, 5:13 am

Carbonhalo wrote:
Pass the popcorn... This threads Getting interesting

Maybe I'll wait for more women, and men, to chime in... :) I didn't think I was asking a controversial question.



cyberdad
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10 Sep 2024, 5:14 am

bee33 wrote:
Carbonhalo wrote:
Pass the popcorn... This threads Getting interesting

Maybe I'll wait for more women, and men, to chime in... :) I didn't think I was asking a controversial question.


Frankly I didn't think my answer was controversial, but here we are...



Carbonhalo
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10 Sep 2024, 5:22 am

To my thinking cyberdads list is a little simplistic, but the question of compatibility is mostly decided in the first 5 minutes. Barring any deal-breaker developments overnight it's her decision to return that determines if my relationship starts there.
It will last until she decides I'm too emotionally distant.



bee33
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10 Sep 2024, 5:33 am

Carbonhalo wrote:
To my thinking cyberdads list is a little simplistic, but the question of compatibility is mostly decided in the first 5 minutes. Barring any deal-breaker developments overnight it's her decision to return that determines if my relationship starts there.
It will last until she decides I'm too emotionally distant.
But surely something more is happening in your mind in those first five minutes than "She's hot and she's not running away?"



Carbonhalo
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10 Sep 2024, 5:37 am

You seem to have compressed the timeframe.
5 minute compatibility check, overnight test run.
THEN see if she comes back

So far for me about 10% come back