When did you realize people don't like you?

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SabbraCadabra
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01 Oct 2024, 5:36 pm

Probably 3rd or 4th grade. But at least I had friends.
The Pandemic taught me that even "friends" have a limit, and most of them realized there was no longer any reason to pretend to enjoy my company.

So it's just me and my son now, and I've spend the past couple years trying to spend more time with family.


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stratozyck
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03 Oct 2024, 12:20 pm

renaeden wrote:
In Year 1 at primary school. I had not gone to kindergarten or pre-school so maybe that was why I had crap social skills.

Anyway, a girl named Emma invited our class to her birthday party at the beginning of the school year. I went, I had fun and I especially enjoyed the food (all things that were "junk food" that were not allowed at home). I may have gotten a bit hyperactive. I got a skipping rope as a party prize. I insisted on skipping straight away and I may have hit a few kids.

Afterwards there were more birthday parties. I was not invited to any but I knew they were happening.

I really feel for the other people in this thread.


Aw I know what you mean. In adult life is "how come everyone else is being invited to social events and I am not?"



stratozyck
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03 Oct 2024, 12:21 pm

rpcarnell wrote:
I was 13. Almost everyone in my class didn't like me.

This is the 80s we are talking about. Back then BMX bicycles were popular, and I used to hang out with the kids in the neighborhood. Eventually they all started to dislike me.

When I was 16, some kids in my high school accepted me, up to a point. Many of them still disliked me.

When I was in college, no one wanted to hang out with me, so that's when I decided to be by myself.


Yeah I remember thinking "if I get this object that other people like, they will like me."

In the end it was me alone at home with that objecting going "this object kindof sucks."



Double Retired
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03 Oct 2024, 1:04 pm

I didn't keep a log so I can only guesstimate.

In order:
- I'm just like everyone else
- Why am I not treated like everyone else? (10ish)
- Why are people mean to me? (pre-teen)
- Is there something wrong with me? (teen)
- I don't think it's me...I think everyone else is messed up (later)

P.S. About halfway through that I'd seen the results of the standardized tests our schools had us take. So I knew that, according to those tests, I was very intelligent compared to most of my classmates. For a long time I wondered if that difference was the issue.


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stratozyck
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04 Oct 2024, 5:44 pm

Double Retired wrote:
I didn't keep a log so I can only guesstimate.

In order:
- I'm just like everyone else
- Why am I not treated like everyone else? (10ish)
- Why are people mean to me? (pre-teen)
- Is there something wrong with me? (teen)
- I don't think it's me...I think everyone else is messed up (later)

P.S. About halfway through that I'd seen the results of the standardized tests our schools had us take. So I knew that, according to those tests, I was very intelligent compared to most of my classmates. For a long time I wondered if that difference was the issue.


The intelligence part may be a coping mechanism. I have meet people who have both high IQ and high EQ. I knew a guy that had that and ALSO had family money. Its like daaaaamn this dude's gonna be a politician someday. He even had the intelligence and abilities to drop out of law school and become a F-16 pilot in Afghanistan before going back and finishing.



pokeystinker
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06 Oct 2024, 4:02 am

School.


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MagicMeerkat
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06 Oct 2024, 4:31 pm

I had to learn people that actually liked me did exist. I figured everyone hated me since I was 3.


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MaxE
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06 Oct 2024, 4:36 pm

Probably around 4th grade.


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bee33
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08 Oct 2024, 12:39 am

There have been people who actively disliked me, both as a kid and as an adult, but I have mostly tried to fly under the radar and not be noticed. It didn't earn me many friends, but at least it deterred at least some people actively shunning me or attacking me.



quixotic.kaya
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08 Oct 2024, 1:02 pm

Kindergarten.

I'm sure there was evidence of it before that, but I don't think it really clicked until a year or two later. There was nothing I could do to fit in or be liked. I was bullied mercilessly all throughout school right up until I started writing for the school paper and people started seeing my name in the by-line.

Someone actually came up to me once to tell me that they liked my article, and they said "I couldn't believe you wrote it. Until I saw your name there, I thought you were ret*d." :(


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overallexperiment
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08 Oct 2024, 4:04 pm

It dawned on me when I was four, the acceptance came when I was 18, the effort to be a friend ended when I retired…



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09 Oct 2024, 8:34 am

funeralxempire wrote:
SocOfAutism wrote:
My husband is an aspie and can't get people to STOP liking him. He will even get to going into a fast food restaurant too much and find himself making an unwanted friend. Then he'll send me in, but it's no use. They recognize the order and smile warmly at me and give me kind messages to pass on to him. When I tell him, he'll cringe and say it's time to find a new restaurant.


It sounds like he's always casting charm person and can't turn it off. :lol:


Yes, I believe so. He's always saying he "MIN MAXES" when he plays his online game at home. I think he's accidentally MAXED charm when ordinarily he considers that a useless game skill.

I was thinking about this thread recently. My 10 year old has ADHD and went back to school this year after a 3 year break while we got his medications figured out. He's ahead of the schoolwork in there, but isn't doing as well with his grades because there doesn't seem to be structure or discipline in the school. He keeps thinking he is being friendly and polite with the kids around him, but they are mean to his face back. One of the boys tore up a paper he gave him and told him they aren't friends. Then there are a few other kids who we will pass on the street and they will shout out his name like he's some kind of celebrity. I'm like SOC Jr, who are those kids? He's like, I don't know.

I told him there's always someone in a group who thinks you're great and maybe you are just not noticing that they notice you. He's like, I don't know how to find out if there are kids who like me. It's hard to be a kid, I guess.

Trust me, you guys, there's SOMEONE who likes you.



pokeystinker
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12 Oct 2024, 9:28 pm

SocOfAutism wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
SocOfAutism wrote:
My husband is an aspie and can't get people to STOP liking him. He will even get to going into a fast food restaurant too much and find himself making an unwanted friend. Then he'll send me in, but it's no use. They recognize the order and smile warmly at me and give me kind messages to pass on to him. When I tell him, he'll cringe and say it's time to find a new restaurant.


It sounds like he's always casting charm person and can't turn it off. :lol:


Yes, I believe so. He's always saying he "MIN MAXES" when he plays his online game at home. I think he's accidentally MAXED charm when ordinarily he considers that a useless game skill.

I was thinking about this thread recently. My 10 year old has ADHD and went back to school this year after a 3 year break while we got his medications figured out. He's ahead of the schoolwork in there, but isn't doing as well with his grades because there doesn't seem to be structure or discipline in the school. He keeps thinking he is being friendly and polite with the kids around him, but they are mean to his face back. One of the boys tore up a paper he gave him and told him they aren't friends. Then there are a few other kids who we will pass on the street and they will shout out his name like he's some kind of celebrity. I'm like SOC Jr, who are those kids? He's like, I don't know.

I told him there's always someone in a group who thinks you're great and maybe you are just not noticing that they notice you. He's like, I don't know how to find out if there are kids who like me. It's hard to be a kid, I guess.

Trust me, you guys, there's SOMEONE who likes you.


Sounds a little too optimistic.


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