Telling family and friends you have AS

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FirstandEllen
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28 Aug 2007, 10:14 pm

Any stories/advice? How did it go for you?

I find as I tell people, they resist the idea, I guess because I have adjusted so well in so many ways, it's hard to see, and they think it is all "bad." I dread having to go through educating and "convincing" them again and again. It's also about as insulting as all the times they said or implied my social ineptitude or lack of confidence was "ridiculous" because I am so smart, pretty, etc., but I guess they mean well, they just don't understand. That's just it, though, I'm not being ridiculous, I am the way I am for a reason, but I get the same kind of misunderstanding trying to make them see it.

Also my mom is friends with an incompetent pyschotherapist who did damage to our family when I was younger, and I don't want them talking about it and my mom getting misinformation, or this lousy human knowing something I'm not sharing with just anyone. I'm not sure I trust my mom not to tell this woman about it, so I've been putting off telling her.



postpaleo
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29 Aug 2007, 12:56 am

Ok first thing I'll admit is I didn't read but the title of your post.

I told the doctors I was Bipolor. Mistake one. I didn't know about AS. Their mistake one, they should have. They thought at one point very early on, umm, 70?..hard to remember, I'm 57, they were looking hard at me being an epileptic. I stopped going and never mentioned it to anybody. I knew about snake pit thinking. I knew about snake pit thinking with my current offical DX of Bipolor. I made up my mind I would only tell those that were not in the need to know range. Wouldn't describe it to others, as they would think everyone that was just like me. Wrong. Wrong on AS, wrong on Epilepsy, wrong on Bipolor. Snake pit thinking has been around for a long time, say you're Bipolor or an epileptic and people, most of them, will form an opinion of you before they even know you. With AS, I find it to be less so, it just isn't as well known, yet. While my parents were alive, I did try to explain it to them, I never got it accross to them and they weren't stupid people. I see now better why I didn't, I didn't have it or if I do, it isn't the main thing. With AS, I tell those that need to know, I'm more open about it to others, I can explain this better, it fits. So what does this all mean, some will understand and some won't. You will get a label. Some people can get by that, some won't.

We may share a common label here, but we're still all different. You kind of have to feel your way with others, get to know them before you tell them. Is it needed at all? Again you have to be the judge. Mental illness is still a tough label in any part of the world. I don't think I'm mentaly ill, just different, but I know damn well others won't look at it that way. What as been inportant to me here is, I'm able to use knew terms to let those close to me better understand what's happening inside me at most given periods. That has been one of the greatest blessings of WP. Fantastic people here and it is a comfort to be able to meet them. I hope this might have been of some help. Now I'll read what you wrote :wink:


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SleepyDragon
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29 Aug 2007, 1:42 am

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Last edited by SleepyDragon on 29 Aug 2007, 7:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

TheMidnightJudge
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29 Aug 2007, 2:33 am

Age1600 wrote:
The only people I have problems with is like professors, doctors, dentists, people like that, because they treat me like crap. I told my doctor he started talking to me real slow, my dentist and his assitants started talking to me like I was a little kid, my professors treated me like I had down syndrome and did everything slow around me, and if they asked a question to the class they would look right at me and be like do you
u-n-d-e-r-s-t-a-n-d me? It was bad. When I told my boyfriend and he told his family, they all acted like wow are u sure you want to be with her, i mean thats a serious mental illness, and u'll probably have children with serious illness's like that? or thats a lot to handle! I was just in shock, like I'm not mentally ill, I can do anything any NT can do, its just harder, and may be more differcult but I'm not stupid ya know what I mean. I hope my experiences helped you. Some people didn't believe me until I gave them documentation, some people thought I would use it as an excuse, because I'm much more social then I was 3yrs ago haha.

Man I hate neurotypicals sometimes... So much prejudice. At least being on the end of prejudice has taught me something. I always look for perspective.



whatamess
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30 Aug 2007, 2:08 pm

My way from now of dealing with it will be the following:

Me...I think I have AS/HFA just like the kiddo...
Mom...No you don't, look at you and kiddo...there's nothing wrong...
Me...So, how are you doing?
Mom...Well, not so good...went to the doctor and he said I had high colesterol, among other things...
Me...No you don't, LOOK at you...there's nothing wrong...

HEHE...

Funny that when they can see your broken leg, they say, your leg is broken...then they tell you they have high colesterol and expect you to believe them, although there are no visible symptoms...however, as soon as you tell them about AS/HFA, the reason they don't believe it is because "they can't SEE anything wrong?" Go figure...

I guess, I'll take it further...

Me - so, I hear there really isn't a God...
MOM - of course there is...
ME - nope, haven't seen him around...have you?
MOM - nope, but the bible says xxxx...
ME - well, the doctor says xxxx about my AS/HFA...

PS - the God bit above does not mean to imply that I either believe or not, just a comparison...



Age1600
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30 Aug 2007, 2:47 pm

whatamess wrote:
My way from now of dealing with it will be the following:

Me...I think I have AS/HFA just like the kiddo...
Mom...No you don't, look at you and kiddo...there's nothing wrong...
Me...So, how are you doing?
Mom...Well, not so good...went to the doctor and he said I had high colesterol, among other things...
Me...No you don't, LOOK at you...there's nothing wrong...

HEHE...

Funny that when they can see your broken leg, they say, your leg is broken...then they tell you they have high colesterol and expect you to believe them, although there are no visible symptoms...however, as soon as you tell them about AS/HFA, the reason they don't believe it is because "they can't SEE anything wrong?" Go figure...

I guess, I'll take it further...

Me - so, I hear there really isn't a God...
MOM - of course there is...
ME - nope, haven't seen him around...have you?
MOM - nope, but the bible says xxxx...
ME - well, the doctor says xxxx about my AS/HFA...

PS - the God bit above does not mean to imply that I either believe or not, just a comparison...


I totally agree with you, its like if they dont see anything, they dont believe it. My father was like that, if he could see the disability then there is one, like down syndrome he knew but when I told him I had autism, he was like yea uh huh sure. Its like if we had a certian birth mark or something that showed we had autism would you be more understanding then, yea know!?



richie
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30 Aug 2007, 3:23 pm

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FirstandEllen
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30 Aug 2007, 9:02 pm

Thanks guys, very helpful!

I'm definitely not telling everyone and I don't expect it to always super well. Just my immediate friends and family (no boyfriend or husband because, well, I have Asperger's! :lol: ). I don't want a real dx or to have it on my medical records, and I have zero faith in therapists, so I'm not telling ANY "professional" types (other than my buddhist teacher, who was a psychiatrist but is an ordained monk now, so no worries there).

I told one of my closest friends last night, and I did get that resistance a little at first until I started to explain it. She also said she was going to research it herself- a real sign someone cares about you and takes you seriously, I think!! Overall she was really awesome. I made sure I explained how it's been really good for me, it's not something to fully feel bad about but what a relief it is to finally understand why I'm different. She caught on right away that it's not necessarily a "problem."

Also, she spilled the beans to me about being pregant beforehand, so it was hardly the biggest revelation of the evening. :D



FirstandEllen
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30 Aug 2007, 9:03 pm

Thanks guys, very helpful!

I'm definitely not telling everyone and I don't expect it to always go super well. Just my immediate friends and family (no boyfriend or husband because, well, I have Asperger's! :lol: ). I don't want a real dx or to have it on my medical records, and I have zero faith in therapists, so I'm not telling ANY "professional" types (other than my buddhist teacher, who was a psychiatrist but is an ordained monk now, so no worries there).

I told one of my closest friends last night, and I did get that resistance a little at first until I started to explain it. She also said she was going to research it herself- a real sign someone cares about you and takes you seriously, I think!! Overall she was really awesome. I made sure I explained how it's been really good for me, it's not something to fully feel bad about but what a relief it is to finally understand why I'm different. She caught on right away that it's not necessarily a "problem."

Also, she spilled the beans to me about being pregant beforehand, so it was hardly the biggest revelation of the evening. :D