Anyone else wants to return as a vengeful ghost?

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Understandable. It doesn't sound like you do much to create happiness, although when someone's in your state it's hard to expect them to do much towards that goal.

That said (and speaking from experience) you still need to take responsibility for what you choose to do or to not do. Baby steps towards improving your life are better than no effort whatsoever towards that goal. Sitting around moping or seething won't make things better, but actively challenging those ways of thinking can, signing up to do things can, trying new things can, etc.

For me, signing up for hockey helped create purpose. Yes, it's pretty trivial at the end of the day but that's okay. It's at least something and it's better than being too scared to sign up because of my lack of experience. I still suck, but I suck significantly less than when I first started.

Nothing really interests me. Just going through the motions in life.

Dwelling on negativity sure seems to interest you, although I think we both know there's zero fulfillment to be found in that activity.

It's not a good way to go through life, but only you have the ability to change how much you allow it to dominate your life. I'm sorry that's where you're stuck and I hope you're able to work through it and get to a better place.

Life is what you make it.