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Before I started working at home Depot, I was unemployed for over four years. Back then I didn't think much about not doing anything all day long

Today was the first time I had a day off work that was not my regularly scheduled days off

Slept, breakfast, stretched, nap, jogging. .

Then felt like "loose ends"

Nothing to do and nobody to do it with

I hate some of the coworkers and customers and say laborers and et cetera but I don't particularly enjoy my days off work either

Sick, tired and bored of everyone and everything , especially myself

I am always exhausted and have to be close to a litterbox

No $$$ or "friends"

Sooner or later, Home Depot will have the nerve to make my worthless corpse redundant.

I could only waste so much time, energy, & $$$ on my job search and applying for government benefits.

could use a hobby, cheap, that i can do alone

exhausted all the time. used to like taking the bus whereever, but it seems to take too much time, $$$ and energy nowadays.

have to be close to a litterbox @ all times.

hobby, job, "friends"

or just Internet addiction

no car, no $$$, no "friends"

Tattletale Tom said that next week, he's going on vacation to England.

Andrew said that he went to Germany on vacation. they both earn minimum wage. i do not understand how they afford it financially. They might have second jobs, unearned income, spouses, whatever. but i find it hard to imagine that they could be so confident in their financial stability that they could just up and go on vacation.

i used to want to go travelling, but lately, it's like it takes too much time, $$$ and energy. i do not deal well with changes, even temporary or positive ones... i do not want to have to worry about changes in sleep patterns, eating. or go to an unfamiliar location and have to talk to strangers. social interaction. danger. $$$$. exhausted all the time.

I've known that thing where time off work gets boring. I gather the only cure is to find something to do that's not too hard but not too easy. I don't know how I find things, it feels like I just stumble on them from time to time but I guess there's some intuitive searching going on. I'm a different person when I've got my teeth into the right task.

They say the devil finds work for idle hands. I don't believe in devils but I know what they mean. In my case it's more my mind, which gets morbid and anxious, and dwells on crappy conditions I'm under or crappy things that could happen. The obvious fix is to fix them, but the ingenuity to do that doesn't come to order, and sometimes there just isn't a fix, and I have to wait. To a degree I think it's a matter of accepting that life sucks sometimes, and trying not to let the thought of it drag you down.

What have you done that you've enjoyed, and why did you enjoy it?

used to enjoy biking. but way too physically weak and mentally slow for that. it was fun.

used to enjoy hanging out with "friends". then all those idiots had the nerve to dump me. (rolls eyes). it felt like they understood me, but it ended up that they didn't.

exhausted all the time

do not have a car. public transportation is convenient weekdays and business hours, but it just seems like public transportation takes so much time, $$$ and energy. have to be close to a litterbox @ all times. no litterbox on public transportation.

everything is hard. eating, sleeping, litterbox, breathing, talking. but they are not reading writing rithmetic. they are not academic subjects and have nothing to do with learning differences or intellectual challenges or anything like that.

and i am only 42. just sitting here on a chair right now, it is taking a lot more energy to type this post, than to rest my hands in my lap. it's pathetic how physically weak, mentally slow, socially awkward, pathetic, i am.

worthless useless incompetent inadequate scared fat hateful misunderstood hopeless helpless misanthropic

i am just a disaster waiting to keep happening.

When home Depot has the nerve to make my worthless corpse redundant, I will have no idea how to pay the bills, or even how to waste my time


Sooner or later I will get made redundant


Rolls eyes

no car, no $$$

pretty soon, home depot WILL have the nerve to make my worthless corpse redundant.

live alone. always been single. parents dead. no children. zero "friends".

too much screentime is indulgent and fun, but "brainfog".

zero hobbies.

just rotting/decomposing.

nothing to look forward to.

you could only spend so much time a day applying for jobs.

every hobby seems to take too much energy or $$$ or skill or something like that. or i am just not interested.

been decomposing/decaying/rotting for a long time in my Pigpen.

don't like doing anything except eating.

everything else is like "zero sum game" and Attention Defecit Disorder

(puke!)

Did you say whether or not you've been diagnosed as clinically depressed? Your complaints seem a lot like mine when I'm living alone, except that my depression is sub-clinical so I've always been able to sort it out myself or a slice of luck has landed in my lap in the nick of time. But yours seem to be getting chronic. Practically every time you post you seem downhearted.

"But yours seem to be getting chronic."

i've been on wrong planet since march 2017. over eight years.

"seem to be getting chronic"

2004, age 21, officially diagnosed clinical depression

it's been "chronic" for a long time.

Yep. That's a long time to be feeling down. I guess they've put you on tablets by now?

Sometimes, even when you have time to relax, it can feel empty when there's not much else to look forward to. Maybe it's worth looking into something new, like picking up a small hobby or even just a fresh routine. It's okay to feel like this now and then, but if you're tired of feeling like this all the time, talking it out with someone might help.