Man at synagogue wanting to connect too fast

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I don't know if I have posted about this or not

Back in January, while having lunch at my former synagoge, I met a new man who had been visiting. Though I thought he was cute and had only seen him a total of two times. He also wanted my number because he said that he had started a youtube series which I was interested in.

His description:
He explained to me that he lived with bipolar disorder, lived on social security and made very little money by going and cleaning two gas stations under the table. Meanwhile he lived on one of those monthly rooms for rent. Finally, he wore the same outfit both times along with having greasy hair.

Redflags:
Although he seemed nice enough, I felt like something was off
1. During the second interactions, he seemed to enjoy being involved in the same activities that I was doing. This was even though we didn't sit in the same room for most of it.

2. He also tried to invite himself over to my house so I could show him a movie that he had never seen but I said no.

3. He texted me a few evenings later which was fine but texted me the next day by using a pick up line.
"Look I am sorry to bother you but I lost the link to an instagram page..."


- I told him not to text me so much because we barely know each other and that I only text people who I am close to

- I also said that I would rather invite him to hang out in a group.

-He said "I would also feel more comfortable getting together un a group before we try anything else." At that point, I said that I didn't have those feelings for him

-He also kept asking me "Will I see you this Saturday?"

In the meantime, I was looking at leaving that synagogue and visiting some other places. While he is not the main reason why I left, his behavior was one of the reasons I stopped going.

Off topic:

I find the similarities betwen the Christian churches (Protestant in particular) and the Jewish synagogues very astonishing.

I wonder If ancient synagogus always looked like churches, and which influenced the other more.

Yeah, he sounds pushy.

IME, someone making you uncomfortable is a good reason to stop going or to look for a different religious community. I wish I would’ve quit going instead of putting up with ongoing nonsense for a long time. Hindsight is the best sight.

Thinking about it a few months later, I don't think it was good idea for me to form any type of relationship with him. Just because he paid attention while other didn't does not mean that relationship would have been healthy. I especially felt sick and icky after he started acting sneaky in those text messages. I ended up blocking his number and one of his social media accounts after he tried to follow me the next day.

As I said though, he was not the only reason that I left. The real deal breaker was that I felt like that this congregation was not a good fit for so many reasons. For one thing, the people there are not very friendly or welcoming in general. They are people who tend to like their comfort zones.

Meanwhile I found a new congregation and I am lot happier there as the people there are much nicer. However, I am not going there looking for mate though my eyes are open

Pushy people or people who force closeness are def. Red flags. I think you did the right thing by blocking.

Nice job spotting the red flags! Isn't blocking a number a good feeling?

I would go with your gut.If you feel something is off, chances are you are probably right.

I'd stay away from that guy if I were you, sounds like trouble.

I blocked his number after he attempted to use a pick up line so he could ask me out. I originally was not going to leave my last synagogue. At first I attempted to take a break by getting in contact with the leadership so I could express my concerns. However, one person blew me off and and everyone else never got back to me.

Although I would like to meet a new boyfriend, I don't think he would have been a good candidate based on his situation which I discuss in the OP. In the meantime, I probably would have not been a good candidate for him as a friend.

Could be a real creeper. Good idea

He was really smart and otherwise had some other qualities. However, I didn't know him that well.

I would love a school that teaches autistic people how to handle people like the guy in your post. The only thing I know to do now is to stay away from them, but this has the side effect that I start losing access to a lot of places I would otherwise like to go to.

Imagine going to a school that teaches you how to navigate them and stay safe. There could be all sorts of education and theories to understand the background. They could also teach us how we could respond to them and what happens with each type of response to learn why we would give one response and not another. And of course, it would include role plays! I love role plays, btw! The school could have someone play the part of the person, and we use the scripted responses we were taught in class to keep them away rather than fawn or disappear.

He kept being pushy about everything (meeting, texting, coming over), etc even when you said no multiple times. Blocking him was a good call.

Off topic, so it turns out that I had posted about this around the time that it happened as I did a dig.

Anyway, the first weekend that I avoided him, it was still fresh on my mind. Then I started attending and getting involved in that other congregation and pretty much put him behind me.