I didn't want to jump into a bad relationship

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(For more information about the person who I am referring to, please see my post on the love and dating forums)

Hi: .

Back in January, I left my synagogue which I had been attending off and on since 2011. The main reason was because this congregation was not a right fit for me. One reason is that the people there are tend to be unfriendly and cliquey, while I felt like an outsider. During my last two times of my attendance, I met someone who otherwise seemed nice enough with some great qualities. Still, I felt like he had some problems of his own along with too many red flags. At that point, I decided it was not worth it for me to connect him because I had been feeling like an outsider. It's not worth it for me to get hurt.

I did something like that when I took a break and attended a different synagogue for a few years. During my time there, I connected with a married couple who had a lot of problems and were also very toxic. Again, I was in that relationship because I felt like an outsider as well.

Not sure if you're looking for advice or what.

I read your other post and I thought you dealt with that situation about as well as you could. It's hard with pushy people. I'm sure many are harmless enough but that lack of awareness of, or consideration for, the other person's obvious reticence is a red flag in itself.

It's a shame you feel you have to keep moving synagogue though. Have you ever not felt like an outsider?

Hi:
Neither location was the best fit for me.


When it came to feeling like an outsider, it was because I did not really have a lot in common with a lot of the people at either one. One synagogue had peers my age but most were married and had young kids. At the other one, most of them were older. There were no groups for singles or any activities during the week for me to participate in.

At the first synagogue, they didn't really put emphasis on my being autistic. However, they are just really cliquey and don't make an effort for other people. Although, they started acting condescending with me. Meanwhile, I faced a lot of bullying and othering at the other synagogue. The rabbi told me that I did not fit their mold and I would need to mask in order to belong because I was told that it made other people feel uncomfortable. They also told me that it was my responsibility to work on my social skills in order to make friends there.



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