Mr Professor

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I've read that Mr Asperger himself used to describe young aspies as "little professors." I could relate to that, but always assumed it was a personal viewpoint on Hans's part. Last week, however, while working on a project with a couple of friends of mine, one of them said "you should have been a professor" after I mentioned some research on a topic he had broached. The comment stuck with me, and made me feel bad. It made me wonder if I often annoy him with my responses. After that, I made an effort to refrain from offering knowledge about topics that came up in our conversations.

Staying quiet while people wonder aloud about a given topic has been one of the hardest things for me to do. When people make a statement questioning a certain situation, I assume they want other people's knowledge about it, but they actually just want to share a sense of detached bemusement about it. It's the biggest divide I feel between myself and others. If I see something that doesn't make sense to me, I can't let go of it until I know the why behind it. Most people, apparently, either don't notice such things or don't care. When someone says "I wonder why X," they're not looking for an answer, but an affirmation of their confusion ("Yeah. That is weird.").

I can understand that it's obnoxious to spout off about topics all of the time, but when someone else brings the topic up, why is it rude or boring to offer what you know?

I find that too. I wrote a senior scholarship project, and my parents called it a dissertation. My biology coursework is also apparently a dissertation. I am always at least 4 times over the word limit too. To write it with the "normal" word limit, it would mean removing half of the sections, and then turning it into semi-text messaging language.

Yes. Even if I know it's such a complex issue that I'll never be able to understand it completely, I still have the intense drive to understand it as best I can.



Or else they're searching for a short black/white answer over a complete answer.



I am not sure. I, too, have learned to avoid (in many situations) explaining more about favorite subjects in order to inform others of the complexities of certain topics or correct mistaken assumptions. Some people do indeed appreciate the knowledge I'd give, but are not enthralled with every detail like I am. Others simply do not want to know--they prefer to occupy their conscious thought with more day-to-day topics. Sometimes I simply cannot help myself and I feel I must speak on a subject, but I've learned not to get attached to the idea of my listener caring one way or the other.

I think this is a very good explanation, although I didn't fully understand this NT mentality until a few years ago. Before then, I'd give a detailed, scientific explanation when someone asked "Why does A do X?" Now, I learned to keep my answers short and clear. For instance, if someone asked "where does lighting come from?", I used to say something like this: "At high altitudes during thunderstorm conditions, the air becomes ionized, and molecules separate into positive and negative ions. Positive ions build up in one area, and negative ions in another. As charges build up, the difference in electric potential becomes very large. Eventually, the difference reaches the breaking point, and a massive discharge takes place. That discharge is lighting." More often than not, people gave me confused look and/or said: "yeah whatever, thanks."

Now, I say something like this: "During thunderstorms, electricity builds up in the clouds. When it builds up to a certain point, it discharges as lighting." NTs seem to respond much better to this explanation, something like: "Oh cool, that makes sense." In rare cases when someone wants to know more, I give only a small detail: "I think it's the heat and humidity that cause all that.", even when I have tons of information. Why? Because I'd rather keep information to myself, rather than deal with the bad consequences of sharing it.

In a nutshell, it's "not appropriate" to launch into a long lecture when someone brings up a topic for two reasons: (1) because NTs only want short, quick answer, and (2) NTs assume that you're trying to draw attention to yourself. It's stupid, and ignorant, I know, but unfortunately, we're living in their world, rather than vice versa.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 04 Sep 2007, 5:01 pm, edited 3 times in total.

I don't know much about electricity or meteorology, Aspie1, but that story is all too familiar! Isn't it such a relief to be on here and not have to be quite so accomodating? It feels like stretching after sleeping in a cramped bunk.

That's far better than what I was going to write as a response

I'll only add that I might point out that I have some books on the topic, or something - to let them know that they can talk to me more about it if it's something they are interested in knowing more about.

At a previous job, I was a part-time sysadmin. My (non-technical) boss would often ask what originally caused a problem I'd just fixed. After seeing her eyes slowly glaze over for the n'th time, I got some advice from a friend. From then on I either said "Do you really want to know?" (which she'd usually say "no" to), or sum it up in as few words as possible, even if it wasn't entirely technically accurate. A timing issue causing DHCP conflicts (and it's associated five-minute dialogue) became "Network problem".

I always have to be careful about going into detail about something that interests me. I'm really knowledgeable about mortgages and amortization tables and find the topic quite fascinating. Unfortunately, 99% if the planet has no interest in the subject and I have to be careful to talk about them very briefly, or people's eyes start to glaze over, and they have to stifle their yawns. I have a number of subjects that only interest me and I've learned that they are just things I can't share with most other people.

I love learning things and often when I mutter something like "Why is a baker's dozen 13?" I actually do want to know. In fact many times I end up researching things like that when they really catch my interest. So that probably explains why I tend to want to explain things. I enjoy learning odd facts.

An old English statue called the Assize of Bread and Ale had the penalty for shorting a customer bread to be the removal of one's hand. Obviously a baker is out of a job without a hand so they started to include extra bread to insure the safety of their hand.
And now you know and knowing is half the battle. GI Joe!

Good points. I've actually gotten much better at giving succinct answers. I usually limit myself to 3 sentences, exclude technical terminology, and couch it in an "I read" or "I've heard" kind of way to demonstrate that I haven't always known the facts either. It's taken me a while to appreciate Aspie1's second point, as I'm simply excited about the knowledge and sharing it.

It's instructive to be lectured by someone else. Recently, I was roped into a conversation by an older female author at a conference about her "nonfiction" ghost books. Without any reciprocation or encouragement on my part, she talked for at least 3 minutes straight as I waited to get away from her booth. She clearly couldn't gauge my level of interest.

I've made a rule that I don't talk about my work to anyone unless they're also a techie or ask they about it repeatedly. Even when they do ask, I'm skeptical that they really want to hear about it, as no one has ever appeared to listen when I respond.

As a countermeasure, I usually ask other people a lot of questions about themselves. NTs seem to like like talking about their jobs and interests just as much as aspies, but they've learned much earlier that no one cares.

I don't think becoming bored with someone else's highly technical and specific interest is limited to NTs. I have noticed some people's interests here that would send me dotty.

In fact I hardly ever mention my interest in import cars here because no-one else likes them the way I do and it does not upset me. I just go and post on the Australian specific, model specific, engine specific messageboards that happen to be *drumroll* full of NTs with that same specific interest.

So yeah don't get upset when people don't want to hear the long version, quite often as in the example with the boss above, the person is actually not capable of understanding the issue on any higher level. It is a very useful asset to be able to communicate your ideas and findings to almost anyone. Use language that people will understand rather than alienating them deliberately so that you can pat yourself on the back and say ho ho ho I'm so smart. I guess I just want to say that it is not a sign of weakness to break things down for others when necessary. This is often how the greater good benefits.

My senior scholarship got "highly commended", but only one teacher in the school could understand it. Hm...