Should I be comparing myself to other people?

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I know the answer's probably going to be "no," but sometimes it seems really hard not to. I mean, I know some real jerks who've gone through multiple girlfriends, treating each one like trash, and usually cheating on them because he can't bring himself to just say "it's over" and apparently wants to get dumped when he gets bored. I know another guy who is nice to his girlfriend, but I just think he's a jerk in general. Why do these people deserve relationships more than I do?

Aside from that, I have friends who are a year or two younger than me, and already in full-blown, long-standing relationships, while I haven't been kissed at the age of 20.

Here is how I see it so far... in today's day in age. Keep in mind that most relationships end in failure nowadays... so the path women and men are following probably isn't ideal. It's good to be different... I wouldn't give that up.

Women are expecting men to act a certain way nowadays to be attracted to them. Whether this is biological or social I don't know... but that "jerk" type behavior is what is attractive to many women nowadays... I guess.

The problem is that once women grow attached to these jerks... well they are kind of committed... they want their efforts in this relationship to be worthwhile. So they keep going back to the guys... who don't really care.

Men acting this way is the same thing as women wearing low cut revealing clothing... it's not something you build a relationship on... but it's what draws people in anyways.

The only thing I can say, and this is what I currently am holding to, is that the qualities that you hold right now... are great things to have in a long term relationship. It maybe hard to attract in today's culture... but when you do you'll have something special.

So don't get too burned out by comparing yourself to others... just keep in mind how miserable their relationships often end up... and look for something better. And if someone is ultimately attracted to jerks... would you really want to be with her anyways? I wouldn't. I'm not going to attempt to change her mind so that she sees the value in me.... it's not worth my effort.

No, you should compare yourself to
inanimate objects.

Of course we compare ourselves. The
key is to look for the things where you
excel, and don't worry too much about
where you fall short. Confidence is helpful
in all things.

I've found that most women are attracted to looks and confidence...mostly. These "jerks" usually are decent looking and cocky enough not to be needy. This is what reels them in. After awhile, women start to look past these things and start to see the "real" person underneath, and thats when the relationship starts to have problems.

On the other side, I hear women always talking about how they are tired of the perverts and jerks, and are looking for a nice guy, yet when they go out, they dress and act like total sluts, thinking this is gonna attract all the good men out there. Boy, are they wrong!

From what I am beginning to see, these women may be "jerks", but they're not dumb. The attitude is prevalent throughout high school, but in college, some start to realize what they really want. They may get tired of these crap guys they've dated, and start to look for the nice, more vulnerable guys. In college, especially late college and beyond, there will be those women who look for guys more similar to us.

At least that's what I'm counting on.

"Relationships" as they exist today are (usually) not based on who's capable of being loving, committed, and all that good stuff. No, they're really more social transactions than anything else. The guys (and girls, for that matter) who are able to have relationships frequently are the ones who are able to "sell themselves," so to speak, and give the person they're interested in something they genuinely desire... protection, social power, a dance partner, and so on. This of course results in a really complex social "game" which most Aspies (...myself included) have very little desire and ability to play.

So in the end, it's really not about who "deserves" what, but who can provide for whose needs. Which is a very depressing and sobering thought, but I find it true for the most part.