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ForMyBoys
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13 Sep 2007, 8:44 pm

Hello! I'm a new member here and I'm desperate for answers! Hoping someone can help me!

Ok .. where to start. My four year old son is struggling right now. Honestly, he's been struggling his whole life but it's to the point now where I don't know what to do for him anymore. He recently started preschool and after only one week I had received numerous phone calls from his teacher and had been called in for a conference with his teacher and principal. He's having some pretty serious social problems, just not interacting well with other children. He wants to basically tell all the other children what to do and have them follow his lead. He plays with them in ways that they don't like .. for example his teacher said that he keeps tapping the kids on their head or pinching their nose. He thinks he's just playing but the other kids aren't taking it that way and they end up fighting. He can't follow along with the order of his classroom. He has trouble focusing on what his teacher is telling him to do. Just basically getting into trouble A LOT. Over the past two weeks he has only had ONE good day. His teacher says that academically he is at the top of his class but all of the other behavioural problems are keeping him in trouble. Oh .. and on the second day of school he was having such a horrible fit that he told his teacher he wanted to kill himself!! 8O He's FOUR! I can't even think of where he would have even heard something like that!

So after saying all of that, let me tell you that there are a few quirks that my son has/had that have always seemed odd. He hated being held as a baby. He's VERY observant(even his teacher commented on it). Even as a baby he would notice if I moved even a figurine out of its place. He started talking fairly late (17 months) but now has an above average vocabulary. He's getting better about this but when he was younger he would be SO upset if even a drop of water was on his clothes. If he spilled a tiny bit of milk on his shirt (I'm talking like a spot) he would cry and cry until we changed his shirt. He's always had social problems. Always. He doesn't seem to know how to make friends. He just seems really immature. He has proper intelligence for his age but his actions come across more like a two year old. He has horrible fits of rage when he gets upset. He just acts like he can't control himself when he's upset! He always thinks he needs to be perfect. He will sit and write his name and become SO upset when he thinks he messed up. One day I was letting him color at the table and he said he wanted to draw smiley faces. I gave him a few sheets of paper and left the room. Came back a few minutes later to find a big stack of at least 30 sheets of paper with a big circle drawn on each page. I asked him what he was doing and he was so upset because every circle he made wasn't "perfect".

My husband and I are 100% consistent with discipline in our home so I know he isn't just acting this way because he's been allowed to get away with it .. although lots of people still like to comment on my parenting because their kids would NEVER act this way. :roll:

So as it stands right now, his principal is setting up a meeting with a child psychologist, social worker, special education teacher along with herself and his teacher. They want to come up with basically a "game plan" designed just for him. The more I read about aspergers, the more it sounds like my son! I don't want to put a label on him unless this is truly what he has but we desperately need some answers!! The last four years have been a struggle for all of us! We love him so much and just want him to finally find some peace!!

So .. if you are still reading this .. first of all, thank you for reading all of it!! I'm just really wanting to know if this sounds like aspergers to any of you or am I just way off base here?



Yogamat
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13 Sep 2007, 8:56 pm

I try to stay away from the parents discussion area because it usually pisses me off.
And this post is no exception.

A four year old needs a team of five people to make a "game plan"???
He's only four.

Are you just now realizing there might be something going on?

And what's with the 100% discipline?

Give the kid a break - he's not even in kindergarten.

I'll try to be helpful to you, though, and suggest the following: take him out of that school, and find a child psychiatrist who is a specialist in Autism Spectrum Disorders (OASIS has a list).



BazzaMcKenzie
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13 Sep 2007, 9:24 pm

ForMyBoys wrote:
... ... He wants to basically tell all the other children what to do and have them follow his lead. He plays with them in ways that they don't like .. ... His teacher says that academically he is at the top of his class ...

Let me guess, the teachers are all female :roll:

I'll bet Julius Caesar was like that too.

Tell him to beware the ides of March and he should be ok and tell his teachers not to forget he's a boy, not a girl.



Last edited by BazzaMcKenzie on 13 Sep 2007, 9:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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13 Sep 2007, 9:27 pm

It sounds like your little guy does need to be evaluated by a specialist. My four year old son struggles a lot too, although his behavior is much more problematic than what you are describing with your son. Mine would not be able to even be in a classroom setting for more than a few minutes. My son's doctor thinks that he has ADHD and probably Asperger's, and we are waiting for his evaluation to be set up.



BazzaMcKenzie
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13 Sep 2007, 9:32 pm

Over on this side of the world (I suspect its much the same where you are), everything is becoming "girlified". No one wants to let boys be boys, but expect them all to behave like girls, and if they don't the female teachers want to drug them so they behave more quietly like girls. :evil:



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13 Sep 2007, 9:48 pm

We are dealing with far, far beyond typical 'boy' behavior.



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13 Sep 2007, 10:11 pm

I say go for the evaluation, and if you don't agree with it take him to a child psychologist or an autism specialist. It does sound like he has some serious issues however.


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atty61
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13 Sep 2007, 11:21 pm

Well "Bazza", I'd say there's a fair chance you're right about his teachers being female. After all, any male who wants to become a teacher these days is obviously a pedo, so of course they stay well clear from the profession. Who needs to be immediately under suspicion because they want to teach?
I was very impressed that you were able to jump to so many conclusions without having any facts. I bet you feel very clever right now. It would seem to me to be a good thing that this little boy's teachers have identified a problem and are getting together to see what they can do about it.
This is a site where people come for help, not smart-arsed comments and critisism.



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13 Sep 2007, 11:50 pm

Quote:
And what's with the 100% discipline?


She said that they were 100% consistent with their discipline, which is a good way to be with a child who is possibly on the spectrum. We gain some form of security by knowing what to expect.

What you describe does sound like it could be AS. I'd find someone who specialises in autism and related things and have him evaluated. If you address any problems that he has now instead of later in life, it will give him a better chance of being happy and successful.


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Smelena
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14 Sep 2007, 3:20 am

He sounds very similar to my oldest son (who has AS) when he was 4.

I'd definantly go for the evaluation.

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14 Sep 2007, 6:22 am

Go for it--- the earlier you know what you're up against, the better you can prepare your gear and help your son to better acclimate being around others.
when i was 4, i was pulled out of preschool because i couldn't interact with other kids ( i was a mean little thing) and would fight instead of play. My mother was strict with me and I learned through repeated spankings and so on--- i then figured out it'd be in my butt's best interest to keep quiet. So for much of grade school i was a quiet and introverted kid and only had a few friends. I still didn't fit in, but it brought me less trouble.
your son might have to simply learn what not to do--- it doesn't mean that he'll easily learn what TO do, but being the quiet kid in the rear gives a kid time to absorb what some of the other kids are doing. good luck, i wish you and your son the best. it's a long road ahead.



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14 Sep 2007, 6:36 am

This struck me, I could not help but point it out, nothing special ment with it:

ForMyBoys wrote:
.... He just seems really immature. ...


I suppose he's supposed to be imaature at 4

Anyway, somehow I got the impression he hasn't had much contact with other children. The situation might be a bit overwhelming.

Is there a pattern of events that lead up to his misbehaviour towards the other children?



EvilTeach
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14 Sep 2007, 7:33 am

Yes.
It sounds like AS.
I am sure he is on the spectrum.
Get him professionally evaulated,
so you know where you stand.



BugsMom
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14 Sep 2007, 8:49 am

Definitely go for the evaluation. I regret not having my son evaluated sooner.



BazzaMcKenzie
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16 Sep 2007, 7:11 am

atty61 wrote:
... you were able to jump to so many conclusions without having any facts. I bet you feel very clever right now. ...
This is a site where people come for help, not smart-arsed comments and critisism.

oh really ? :roll:

If he is doing well academically and happy, then perhaps its not really a problem for him. Be open to the possibility that there is no real problem or that it will work itself out. :?

BTW, at 4 y.o. how do you work out that he is in the top quartile of his class or anything like that :?

edit: Another thought - may be he is just bored in the class?



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16 Sep 2007, 9:56 am

Yes, have him evaluated as long as you stay away from labels such as ADHD and Bipolar which would warrent medicating your four-year old. I would stay away from medication for your youngster.

Yes--go for the evaluation. Supports for him will be offered if he is in fact on the spectrum and you will learn appropriate strategies for dealing with his behavior as will the teachers at school. CBT and positive reinforcements etc.

My son's preschool made modifications for my son, but never said anything about autism or aspergers. The preschool teachers said mostly positive things about him. He entered kindergarten and it was a nightmare for half a year until they assigned him his own private aide.

equinn