Ever thought about being NT?

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I have become much more NT recently, or so it seems. My anxiety is nowhere near as bad as it used to be. However I've lots alot of my mathematical ability and I hate it. If I could go back to being as Aspie as I was, or even more, I'd take it in a second.

No, I definitely would NOT want my autism to be "cured." I would be very happy with a cure for my sensory integration disorder. But if it came down to a choice between being NT and no SID or AS and SID, I would have to stay autistic. There is no way I'm going to leave behind my obsessions, my focus, my disregard for the opinions of the masses, just to be able to "fit in."

If I could be NT, I would. Being an aspie doesn't suck for me as bad as it used to now that I understand it. But that doesn't change the fact that autism sucks. Simply put, when you add all the pros and cons of each condition, you get a lot more cons on the aspie side than you get pros. If given a choice as to whether or not I should stay aspie, if I chose to stay aspie it would be an illogical and poorly thought out decision.

Of course I've thought about it, the advantages pretty much speak for themselves. Perhaps, I'm odd in this regard, but I simply don't place any kind of sentimental value on autism. To me, it has always acted as an obstacle, a continuous series of walls to climb over with mixed success and countless setbacks.

Nearly every day for quite a while now. Back when I was young (under 25); I didn't really care; I relished in the fact that I was different, thought quicker and found patterns and answers easier than most people.

Now, I'd give it all up to be "normal" and be able to communicate effectively with people and use that to develop relationships. I've found as I've gotten older; the fear of being alone for the rest of my life is larger than anything else.

Havent thought much about wanting to be NT, more like being richer, quicker on my feet, more sociable, having more friends, and of course less problems.

I've only got mild AS so that means I behave more NT then aspie.