Is it possible for aspies to learn to act and talk "nor
thyme
Veteran
Joined: 5 Aug 2007
Age: 61
Gender: Female
Posts: 825
Location: Over the Hills and Far Away
As far as completely passing for normal goes, I think it's nigh-on impossible. I've been lucky enough myself to get by as an 'eccentric' in everyday life (at least around decent people), which means I can be myself to a certain extent. I think this is the best we can hope for in the world of mainstream employment, though it's less than ideal and you can betray yourself at any second. Too much of an act, however, is even worse - you'll just come across as at best a bad actor and at worst as mentally unstable. My longest-running NT persona was retired a few years ago after alienating, frightening or being banned from half of Manchester. It may be obvious, but the best way is to observe other people and just adopt whatever you feel comfortable with. The bottom line is if you don't feel comfortable you'll look conspicuous, whether you're an aspie or not.
Been there, done it, succeeded, failed... try and work that one out. lol I don't know man... I think I 'can' but when in the dump it's really obvious with me because of my natural aspie ways... I do find though that, when on good social form, some people find me very interesting... especially those who know things about AS.
But, sometimes the closest thing to a comment on being normal I'd receive is someone saying I'm a nutcase... lol I wanna be perceived as a bit crazy anyhow.
This wouldn't get too tiring if only some of my old school friends were around... I can get by as the odd-ball... but it sure is tough without true friends around.
_________________
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
The best thing I can advise is to be who you are.
Sometimes we have to act like NT's want, but don't try to drown out who you really are on the inside either. Yes, sometimes I inconvinience others, but the worst thing I could ever do is learn nothing from it.
Learn from the mistakes you make -I know it's not allways easy and sometimes seems impossible, but if we learn something from it, the mistake won't have been for nothing.
We are different, but so is everyone else.
Always remmeber that different doesn't mean wrong.
The stumbling block for me in interactions is trust- once I detect duality in a person I become paranoid as I can no longer be sure of their motives or loyalty
why do you have a high-intolerance? I have a very low interolorance, which can be very decieving...people think because of htis I am stupid, which I'm not. I am very smart.
The stumbling block for me in interactions is trust- once I detect duality in a person I become paranoid as I can no longer be sure of their motives or loyalty
why do you have a high-intolerance? I have a very low interolorance, which can be very decieving...people think because of htis I am stupid, which I'm not. I am very smart.
you are going to have to learn to lower yourself to their level if you want them to take you seriously...
The stumbling block for me in interactions is trust- once I detect duality in a person I become paranoid as I can no longer be sure of their motives or loyalty
why do you have a high-intolerance? I have a very low interolorance, which can be very decieving...people think because of htis I am stupid, which I'm not. I am very smart.
you are going to have to learn to lower yourself to their level if you want them to take you seriously...
I am an extremely non confrontational person in the flesh. at work which is forced socialising for me I just tune out. I can pretty much pick apart the flaws in our companies forecasts and statistics I find their cause and effect hypothesi ridiculous but I dont speak up I just watch on - I put my persona on auto pilot and I think about things that interest me. I remember to nod and smile at the correct junctions in conversation and ask questions when the speaker pauses.
Hmm.. an aspie whose obsessive hobby was not behaving like an aspie?.... Can I not be in the room when they have a meltdown because someone else has overstepped their carefully constructed set of rules of social mores?
chrisc
Some can, some can't, some won't. I can but don't want to - I have to fake it at work in order to survive financially. I'm still considered odd but I hide most of my noticeable traits. But when I get home I'm 100% me.
_________________
Mew mew mew, mew mew mew mew? Mew. Mew mew mew mew, mew. Mew mew, mew. Mew!
Hmm.. an aspie whose obsessive hobby was not behaving like an aspie?.... Can I not be in the room when they have a meltdown because someone else has overstepped their carefully constructed set of rules of social mores?
chrisc
I don't know....I think it's the NT's that have those carefully constructred set of rules of social mores. That's what I've had to learn for the past 40 years. Also, I love that phrasing.....the whole friggin thing was well written; albeit a little hard to read.
It's always going to be an act for people on the spectrum, as these things don't come normally to us. No matter how well rehearsed, we are always going to have to consciously think about all the things we have to do to come off as 'normal'. There are always days we are going to slip up or just not care that day, week or perhaps year.
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