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cartersmom
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18 Sep 2007, 8:32 pm

Hi,
I am the mom of 14-year old Carter, who has Asperger's. He has not had homework for the last few years, as he did all of his work at school. However, like most kids, now he has some, and refuses to do it. He has all A's except math, and he will fail if he doesn't do his homework. I've tried everything to explain the purpose, but I am at the end of my tether. I really don't want to pull the computer plug, but.....Any suggestions on explaining the importance to him while avoiding WWIII? I am failing at speaking logically to this logical guy.

Thanks for any help.

Candy



nannarob
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18 Sep 2007, 8:59 pm

Does the school know about his diagnosis? Does he have an IEP?

If he is getting all A's, he must find it difficult to see the need for homework. Can you approach the school for help. Surely he should only do homework if it is something he needs catch up on.
He is most probably drained after a day at school and bored by the work he has to do.

Robyn


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I think there must be some chronic learning disability that is so prevalent among NT's that it goes unnoticed by the "experts". Krex


cartersmom
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18 Sep 2007, 9:08 pm

He has an IEP which is almost completely re: behaviors (lack of compliance, staying where he should, etc). He has just NEVER wanted to work! It is so hard to understand. I believe he lacks some basic math skills, and he failed the last state standardized test. We had to have an ARD to place him in 8th grade. So if he fails the math portion this year, he fails 8th. I know he can pass (obviously he's bright enough) and the entire ARD committee explained the issues and consequences to him. So it is frustrating.
I just feel like I don't have the guts to follow through after all the major battles we've fought in the last few years. I know if my husband pushes the issue it turns into a major battle royal. I want to help them heal whatever rift they have and help my son succeed and teach him to be a responsible person.



jackinthebox
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19 Sep 2007, 12:23 am

Hello. I guess I'll take a stab at an answer since I personally have experienced the exact same math issue your son is fighting through.

I missed a few days of school that were critical to learning a certain basic math process. And from that week forward, every math class was a struggle. However, I was the "smart kid" -- and I refused to look like an idiot. Instead, I took what is called the "arrogant approach" and belittled the entire institution of mathematics. I managed to get by for a few years, but by the time I was 16 or 17, it all caught up with me. I failed Calculus my senior year, but thankfully I didn't need the requirement to graduate. So again, I congratulated myself on being smarter than the "System."

Then came college...

I accidentally and regretfully tested into a very high level of Calculus the week before classes and so I had managed to place myself in an awfully stressful situation. After I failed that semester of calculus, I was threatened with having to take remedial math classes (as punishment for my low GPA). This was an incredible insult and I grew angrier every day with the rising tide of pressure from the school system. I knew I was lacking a basic knowledge in math, but I REFUSED to admit it.

Finally -- and here is my answer to your question -- I realized that if I wanted to be done with math for the rest of my life, and if I ever wanted people to 'shut up' about it, that I should just fill the gap in my knowledge. So, I went to the main city library and I rented probably 20 volumes of math tutorial videos -- and I told everyone to leave me alone. I stayed in my room, watching, copying, pausing, watching, copying, etc., those video examples from basic algebra through trig and geometry through calculus until I finished every last one of them. I tested out of the remedial classes the next day (while the information was fresh in my mind) with a 99%, and then I took two semesters of simpler and (dare I say) fun math to fulfill my college requirement.

So, I guess, after probably giving you entirely too much information, I'm suggesting your son needs to acknowledge that math will not die until he slays the beast that I know it is. If it's a math deficiency problem, get those videos and leave him alone. He can pause and replay every last second of that evil math world. Only he will know what he was lacking. It can remain his little secret. And then he can begin his journey into a world where math is more familiar (and thus less stressful, intimidating, and frustrating).

I'm no math whiz today, but I don't sweat it anymore, and I haven't said, "I hate math!" in over a decade. In fact, I was even a human calculator during those two college math classes. I'd never had a chance to enjoy that status before.

I hope that helps -- for whatever it's worth.



nannarob
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19 Sep 2007, 2:55 am

I can understand that you do not want to cause any tension beteween your son and your husband. All I can say is, "Good luck!"


_________________
NEVER EVER GIVE UP

I think there must be some chronic learning disability that is so prevalent among NT's that it goes unnoticed by the "experts". Krex