TIRED of being RIDICULED and VILIFIED - Help!

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Mw99
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22 Sep 2007, 1:18 pm

In the NT-ese language, I am not an Aspergian; I'm something else.

At first, they are friendly and talkative. But once they get to know me, they either: shun me, laugh at me, ridicule me or are mean to me -- some badmouth me behind my back, a few are bold and do it right in front of me.

The most cool headed ones simply ignore me.

I've reached a point in my life where I am afraid of meeting new people, because I know from experience, that the odds of them mistreating them -- and hence hurting my feelings -- are just too high to justify the effort of trying to be social. This attitude is not cynicism or pessimism; it's plain understanding of the difference between probability and possibility.

I have explained this to people, I have explained it to them, but they still accuse me of being arrogant and thinking that I am better than everyone else. "You need to change your attitude" is the phrase I almost always get. I give them the benefit of the doubt, go out, try to be friendly and talkative, and the result is always the same. It wouldn't be so bad if I was impervious to mistreatment, but everytime someone mistreats me I obsess about it and replay the tape in my head over and over to the point of obsession. It's like watching a movie multiple times, feelings of rejection and humiliation included, and without being allowed to flip the channel.

How come they can't understand that some people simply don't have the mental capacity to read body language and communicate properly? Is that really how easy and natural it comes to them? Do they have sixth sense that I don't have?

Why is it my fault that I can't be social? Do people think I am the way I am because I like being this way? Do they think I enjoy being lonely and aloof? Do they think I enjoy not knowing what being loved by a woman feels like? Do they think I enjoy being different? Do they think I enjoy the feeling of hopelessness and despair, the feeling of knowing that a very grim future is ahead of me?

I wish I had some type of communication device hidden on me through which some intelligent being told me exactly what to say and do in order to make people like me. That's not necessarily a dream; the technology exists and is readily available. But where will I find someone willing to guide me?



Last edited by Mw99 on 22 Sep 2007, 1:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

elvenmage
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22 Sep 2007, 1:21 pm

Sounds 100% like me.



czechguardsman
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22 Sep 2007, 1:32 pm

I concur; That's the story of my life.



pbcoll
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22 Sep 2007, 1:47 pm

could you share a bit more about your situation? knowing your age, etc someone might be able to give you useful advice to cope.



Mw99
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22 Sep 2007, 2:04 pm

pbcoll wrote:
could you share a bit more about your situation? knowing your age, etc someone might be able to give you useful advice to cope.


male, mid twenties, college degree. I look normal, walk normal, I think I talk normal, but don't do well when it comes to conversations and social interactions.



BlueMax
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22 Sep 2007, 3:01 pm

hear, hear! 100%

My wife, parents.... noone believes me that this is the way my life is! It's gotta' be "my fault" since it happens everywhere I go....



jjstar
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22 Sep 2007, 3:07 pm

I always said I was an alien. Never understood how these humans expect me to be like them, when clearly I'm not!

:roll:



sinsboldly
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22 Sep 2007, 3:14 pm

oh yes... I am always "so FAKE!" you can't "let your hair down" you are "always on" and "so DRAMATIC" and 'can't you just hold STILL?' and " are you a RECORDING??" even in Hawaii I was told I sounded "like the six o'clock TV news!"

and it is always MY fault that my mouth doesn't 'smile' but I grimace like an idiot trying to make my eyes sparkle and show them some teeth (arrragh!) When I think I have a pleasant expression on my face, other people think I am 'stewing over something' or 'concentrating too hard'.
( how can you concentrate 'too hard??')

anyway. I understand.

Merle


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siuan
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22 Sep 2007, 3:25 pm

Sounds EXACTLY like me. I could have written that almost verbatim a couple of years ago. I basically don't give a sh*t about social interaction anymore at this point in my life except for doing as needs done to make sure my children have a normal life.

Today was Mom & Tots swim class for babies and I enrolled my 20 month old because he loves water. The other women physically distanced themselves from me. I think to myself, what, do I have some tattoo on me that only NTs can see and it says 'STAY AWAY'? It's as if they just sense it.

I find being around my age-matched peers to be excruciating. I much prefer older or younger people because they assume any misunderstandings or oddities are simply a product of the age gap.


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jjstar
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22 Sep 2007, 4:05 pm

Round peg, square hole - hello!



LabPet
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22 Sep 2007, 4:35 pm

(COPY your post X 10 (1/0))

This is so rough and I suffer.....I could have written the exact same words. I am/have been broken from this very phenomena.


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2ukenkerl
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22 Sep 2007, 4:36 pm

I AM ****HOME****! That is *****EXACTLY***** like me! EXACTLY! Heck, look at my old posts. I aluded to this before I really noticed anyone else had. As for the arrogance? Realizing that, in some ways, you ARE better than they are makes it easier to tolerate the areas where they are better than you are. As for being a know-it-all, I just responded to ANOTHER that spoke about that. Just try to not offer so much. If someone wants to get electrocuted? Well, maybe you should just let them!



Aspie_for_the_Lord
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22 Sep 2007, 4:36 pm

same as me... only i TRY to not let it bother me.... but admittedly most of the time i fail to do so :P...

i have come to the conclusion, that as me, you and apparently all you other guys who have posted on this thread are similar, then you have to ask the question... if we are being deliberately friendly, kind, forgiving etc... and others are still mean horrible and hostile, whos fault is it?

i often used to wail... 'why do they have a problem with me!!', when one day as i was typing it out, it struck me... 'why do they have a problem with me!!' :lol:

yeah... its HARD to live in a world of mean horrible anti-socal people who will only be friendly if you have somthing they want to hold a similar like or belief system (and sometimes not even then). but look around us! war, famine, suffering....

THAT is an NT world... nuff said, yeah? :P


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Maeotian
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22 Sep 2007, 4:43 pm

Have you ever had the thought that maybe the fault lies simply in the type of people you hang around? Yes, the world has its fair share of slimeballs, but rest assured, there are people out there who will accept you for who you are.



Aspie_for_the_Lord
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22 Sep 2007, 4:47 pm

Maeotian wrote:
Have you ever had the thought that maybe the fault lies simply in the type of people you hang around? Yes, the world has its fair share of slimeballs, but rest assured, there are people out there who will accept you for who you are.

usually the people who have never fitted in, or never wanted to, the misfits... most likely unknown Aspies :wink:


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