Did you know that Aspies don't get married?

Page 5 of 7 [ 108 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7  Next

Belle77
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,078

26 Sep 2007, 12:27 pm

skahthic wrote:
I thought that often, Aspies can seek out others but it is difficult to do so ( felt THAT in my life, must say) and so many eventually give up.


That's exactly true, in my opinion. My brother, who's also a self-diagnosed Aspie, has come to the realization that he probably won't ever find a girl who understands, so he's content being alone.



sleepless168
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 24 Sep 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 68

26 Sep 2007, 1:53 pm

Belle77 wrote:
sleepless168 wrote:
its exactly what you say, the person that is 'treating' you is a recent graduate. takes everything literally (but to a moronic extent in this case). Who would infer logically that you cant get married because the book says you dont seek out relationships? I've noticed that also some people treat people who have a disorder condescendingly, like they couln't think by themselves. The truth is most people here know more about aspergers and autism than most psychologists and psychiatrists out there (except for autism specialists of course).


I think I'm going to ask her why exactly there are quite a few books on Aspie relationships and marriages, if Aspies never get married. It really pissed me off to be dismissed so quickly as if I'm a complete moron. She was so focused on my depression and anxiety. Hmm, perhaps I have depression and anxiety BECAUSE I'm an Aspie. I'm quite intelligent and I've done a ton of research on AS since I finally discovered it in February. It's the only thing that's ever truly explained my difficulties. It's obvious that she knows very little about it...probably just what's in the DSM and whatever cursory information was in her med school textbooks. I keep getting more pissed off the more I think about the situation. :evil:


yah she is a noob lol. if your therapist researches more about it off hours and it shows, i guess its ok, shes trying. on the other hand if it starts picking books again in front of you and reading them you are prolly best elsewhere. I think that when you start such a delicate profession it's important to stay in your toes and work work work at the beginning. And she better start respecting your intelligence, not doing so is another sign of noobness.



Fuzzy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Mar 2006
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,223
Location: Alberta Canada

26 Sep 2007, 4:18 pm

Belle77 wrote:
sleepless168 wrote:
its exactly what you say, the person that is 'treating' you is a recent graduate. takes everything literally (but to a moronic extent in this case). Who would infer logically that you cant get married because the book says you dont seek out relationships? I've noticed that also some people treat people who have a disorder condescendingly, like they couln't think by themselves. The truth is most people here know more about aspergers and autism than most psychologists and psychiatrists out there (except for autism specialists of course).


I think I'm going to ask her why exactly there are quite a few books on Aspie relationships and marriages, if Aspies never get married. It really pissed me off to be dismissed so quickly as if I'm a complete moron. She was so focused on my depression and anxiety. Hmm, perhaps I have depression and anxiety BECAUSE I'm an Aspie. I'm quite intelligent and I've done a ton of research on AS since I finally discovered it in February. It's the only thing that's ever truly explained my difficulties. It's obvious that she knows very little about it...probably just what's in the DSM and whatever cursory information was in her med school textbooks. I keep getting more pissed off the more I think about the situation. :evil:


Well, you wouldnt want to take your sick cat to an automechanic to be treated. This issue, other than her blindness, is that a professional wishes to use the tools of their trade. As that one person said in another post, Psychiatrists dont want to deal with AS because its not treatable(with their tools). Thats actually being blunt and honest. and closed minded.



Belle77
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,078

26 Sep 2007, 4:25 pm

Fuzzy wrote:
Well, you wouldnt want to take your sick cat to an automechanic to be treated. This issue, other than her blindness, is that a professional wishes to use the tools of their trade. As that one person said in another post, Psychiatrists dont want to deal with AS because its not treatable(with their tools). Thats actually being blunt and honest. and closed minded.


I totally realize that this is not a person, or facility, that's likely going to be able to help me, but I don't have many options. I'm unemployed and uninsured, and have been for a very long time. I don't really even care about getting a diagnosis (other than so that other people would actually believe me when I tell them I'm an Aspie), I just want help with some of my issues so I can be a functioning member of society. But the appropriate help is hard to find. If only I could win the lottery, then I wouldn't have to deal with any of this...I'd go be diagnosed by Tony Attwood. :D



Last edited by Belle77 on 26 Sep 2007, 4:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Belle77
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,078

26 Sep 2007, 4:28 pm

sleepless168 wrote:
yah she is a noob lol. if your therapist researches more about it off hours and it shows, i guess its ok, shes trying. on the other hand if it starts picking books again in front of you and reading them you are prolly best elsewhere. I think that when you start such a delicate profession it's important to stay in your toes and work work work at the beginning. And she better start respecting your intelligence, not doing so is another sign of noobness.


I agree completely...it'll be interesting to see how it goes next week.



Fuzzy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Mar 2006
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,223
Location: Alberta Canada

26 Sep 2007, 9:04 pm

Belle, I went to a work rehabilitation place. I'm in Canada, but it doesnt work to much differently in the states (or UK). I got a referal to a psychologist, who was paid by the rehabilitation program. Of course He was not interested in giving me pills. They tend to be much nicer and thoughtful people too. I think the world of the one that I dealt with.



Belle77
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,078

27 Sep 2007, 1:25 am

Fuzzy wrote:
I got a referal to a psychologist


I'm really thinking that's the way I'm gonna have to go.



Belle77
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,078

01 Oct 2007, 12:28 pm

The psychiatrist called in sick today, so no appointment...it's rescheduled for Tuesday of next week. It pisses me off because I spent all day yesterday organizing my notes and examples so I'd be prepared to clear up her misconceptions about Asperger Syndrome. Oh well, I have an appointment on Wednesday to see if I can get approved for the state's Medicaid program. I hope that I'm approved and will have more options for treatment. Then I could just blow this chick off (which is what I was probably going to do after today's appointment anyway) and find someone with experience.



Triangular_Trees
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2007
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,799

01 Oct 2007, 12:55 pm

Belle77 wrote:
The psychiatrist called in sick today, so no appointment...it's rescheduled for Tuesday of next week. It pisses me off because I spent all day yesterday organizing my notes and examples so I'd be prepared to clear up her misconceptions about Asperger Syndrome. Oh well, I have an appointment on Wednesday to see if I can get approved for the state's Medicaid program. I hope that I'm approved and will have more options for treatment. Then I could just blow this chick off (which is what I was probably going to do after today's appointment anyway) and find someone with experience.


That's an aspie trait right there :D and now you even thave time to write quite a decent research paper on the topic for her if you care too.

Hopefuly you can find another person to diagnose you though. The woman who diagnosed me originally said she didn't think I had it but all the reasons she gave for that opinion were behaviors i had just learned about in the past year. I didn't ask her to diangose it though, it just told her I believed I had asperger's. Then the next meeting she had some diagnostic criteria/tools for me



HankPym
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 11 Mar 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 301
Location: SF Bay Area

01 Oct 2007, 11:01 pm

hm



Belle77
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,078

02 Oct 2007, 12:02 am

Triangular_Trees wrote:
That's an aspie trait right there :D and now you even thave time to write quite a decent research paper on the topic for her if you care too.

Hopefuly you can find another person to diagnose you though. The woman who diagnosed me originally said she didn't think I had it but all the reasons she gave for that opinion were behaviors i had just learned about in the past year. I didn't ask her to diangose it though, it just told her I believed I had asperger's. Then the next meeting she had some diagnostic criteria/tools for me


Just one of many Aspie traits that I have. :)

I actually printed out my answers and results for several diagnostic tools that I've found online:
Autism-Spectrum Quotient
Empathy Quotient
Friendship Questionnaire
Adult Version of the Australian Scale for Asperger Syndrome

I figured that if nothing else, the questions and my answers would provide discussion points. At least I already have my notes prepared for when I end up seeing someone else.



Unknown_Quantity
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2007
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 483
Location: Australia

02 Oct 2007, 6:50 am

Well, I've been married for 9 years now. I didn't know that was a defining factor, I better tell my counsellor before I go to all the trouble of putting "Aspie" on my business cards.

Oh that's right, she KNOWS I'm married, because she gave me all these books to give to my wife about being married to an Aspie! Wow, my psychologist must really suck if she doesn't know the whole "marriage disqualifies AS" rule! :roll:

See another doctor, my dear. You deserve better.



CeriseLy
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 252

02 Oct 2007, 1:58 pm

I've never been afraid of becoming a spinster. I definitely think it is easier for girls than boys to find someone who wants to marry them. But I wouldn't want to be married just to be married. I want my own place, to travel and to learn languages. I think I am a magnet for people who want me to be nice to them and take care of them and cerisely, I don't want to provide concierge services for anyone.



Wolfpup
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2007
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,409
Location: Central Illinois, USA

03 Oct 2007, 3:07 pm

unnamed wrote:
Edward R. Ritvo, MD out at UCLA School of Medicine is working very hard to prove to the medical community that people on the autistic spectrum DO get married and have children. He recently posted a thread on WP asking for aspie volunteers to help him and his team come up with a more accurate tool to diagnose adults on the spectrum, but he got such a negative response from some people here that he gave up. I and several of my relatives are participating, and it's something I'm really proud to be doing. I understand that a lot of people here may have had bad experiences with shrinks, but it's ironic and unfortunate that he was treated so badly on WP, where so many threads are started by people saying that no one in the mental health profession believes they have AS. :?


That's unfortunate, and I'm kind of surprised too, as it seems like people here are mostly really nice.

Belle77 wrote:
I had a boyfriend as a teenager that I stayed with for 2 and half years. He was the first guy who ever showed any interest in me, and if he hadn't I doubt that I would have dated. That's pretty much how all 4 of my relationships have been.


Unfortunately that's the only way I got into my sole long term relationship. I'd pretty much have to have a woman walk up to me and say "hi, would you like to start dating?" Yay me :(

AnnabelLee wrote:
So....aspies don't marry? Won't my husband be curious to hear that?
As for the high IQ, that actually assisted my getting a diagnosis. MOST aspies have an IQ above 140. Ask her about Einstein. He was aspie...and he married. Ask her about Bill Gates. He's not really forward about it, but he is a diagnosed aspie and married AND his IQ is 160.


Are you sure he was actually diagnosed? I've heard Bill Gates' name used a lot, but I thought that was just speculation (though it does seem perfectly possible). Einstein seems really likely based on everything we know of his life, his family members, etc.



9CatMom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jan 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,403

03 Oct 2007, 7:56 pm

Tell that to Roger Bannister! He's been married for over 50 years now to his wife Moyra and the couple has four children and 14 grandchildren.



opal
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jul 2007
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,118
Location: Australia

04 Oct 2007, 5:17 am

Just in case I haven't responded to this particular thread yet, let me say -

Bollocks!


Opal; 40 , diagnosed, married 8.5 years to a wonderful guy. :wink:

Edited for spelling