Teenage daughter being pushed out of a job. She has AS

Page 1 of 2 [ 31 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

richardbenson
Xfractor Card #351
Xfractor Card #351

User avatar

Joined: 30 Oct 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,553
Location: Leave only a footprint behind

07 Oct 2007, 7:11 pm

phone ticker. im shure she will know what to do!


_________________
Winds of clarity. a universal understanding come and go, I've seen though the Darkness to understand the bounty of Light


BlueMax
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2007
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,285

08 Oct 2007, 2:25 am

Fighting this will likely not succeed (sad to say.) I've been in this boat several times, and for the first time in my life I chose to FIGHT BACK! Not in the conventional face-to-face argument (I don't have the fortitude for that) but going to HR and making an official complaint about the way I was treated.

HR ignored all complaints and comments, concentrated their efforts on making ME more "flexible" (so she wouldn't have to change - I would) and eventually being fired for a bogus reason, while my supervisor and her drinkin' buddy director-of-HR both gave me a cruel, self-satisfied smirk.

HR is not out to help the little people - they're expendable. HR protects management, and the circle of abuse that goes on within. It's ironic how the same company will have posters every 50 feet for "workplace abuse will not be tolerated!" HA! My foot!


If you've got a friend and supporter in that "big boss" you mentioned, go to him WITHOUT HESITATION and explain everything in short & sweet detail. You have nothing to lose, and still have a chance to make a significant change!



Zeno
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jun 2006
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 633
Location: Singapore

08 Oct 2007, 7:15 am

Having gone through the same thing many times myself I fully empathize with how painful it can be to be picked on and then to be made to feel like you are the one who is causing the trouble. Unfortunately what you have described largely involves a "you say I say" type of situation. The facts are hard to prove and anyone who adjudicates will have to take sides; which means forming a judgment on the character of your daughter and her boss. Teenagers can almost always be made to appear bratty and out of control. If people have to take sides, so long as your daughter’s boss keeps her cool, they will probably pick her over your daughter. Thus fighting the issue will probably only extend your daughter’s agony and provide a very public way for the other party to prove herself.

Now that the decision has been made to quit the position, the best thing to do is to appraise and understand the situation so as to make better decisions in the future. A suggestion has been made that your daughter chooses professions that require minimal people contact. I would advocate that but the problem is there are few work opportunities for individuals who like to be alone. Most work in an industrial society, with its high degree of specialization, requires extensive collaboration both within the organization and outside of it. The jobs that allow you to work alone tend to be on the lower rung of the economic ladder. But there are a few white collar jobs like some programming positions where users will send their specs via email and the programmer will spit back the code via the same. So long as the work is done well and on time, no one will ever bother you. But as you might imagine, it is not what people who seek to self-actualize would pursue.

Awareness of the problem at an early age is a crucial part of managing Asperger’s Syndrome. If your daughter is simply too talented to be stuck in some dead end job, being an entrepreneur is something that could be seriously considered. Aspies have certain traits that make us almost entrepreneurs by default. When we are interested, we will do something all of the time to the exclusion of everything else. Perseverance is the key ingredient to entrepreneurial success. It may involve working with people but on our own terms and not someone else's.

Another alternative is to micro-specialize and become say the world’s leading expert in some highly technical and arcane material. Many people in academia or mainline professions like lawyers and doctors would fall into this category. Needless to say, the road to becoming a leading expert in anything requires a tremendous amount of effort.

There are options, especially if your daughter is like some Aspies who fall into the higher range of the IQ ambit, but it will not be easy. However, she is sixteen and there is plenty of time to figure things out; although it is important to start the long slow process of working things out and finding the answers that sit well with her. Take this experience as a blessing for it illuminates early in her life what she can and cannot do. Respect her limitations as much as you would want to harness her strengths.



alliegirl
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 53

08 Oct 2007, 9:26 am

Zeno wrote:
Having gone through the same thing many times myself I fully empathize with how painful it can be to be picked on and then to be made to feel like you are the one who is causing the trouble. Unfortunately what you have described largely involves a "you say I say" type of situation. The facts are hard to prove and anyone who adjudicates will have to take sides; which means forming a judgment on the character of your daughter and her boss. Teenagers can almost always be made to appear bratty and out of control. If people have to take sides, so long as your daughter’s boss keeps her cool, they will probably pick her over your daughter. Thus fighting the issue will probably only extend your daughter’s agony and provide a very public way for the other party to prove herself.

Now that the decision has been made to quit the position, the best thing to do is to appraise and understand the situation so as to make better decisions in the future. A suggestion has been made that your daughter chooses professions that require minimal people contact. I would advocate that but the problem is there are few work opportunities for individuals who like to be alone. Most work in an industrial society, with its high degree of specialization, requires extensive collaboration both within the organization and outside of it. The jobs that allow you to work alone tend to be on the lower rung of the economic ladder. But there are a few white collar jobs like some programming positions where users will send their specs via email and the programmer will spit back the code via the same. So long as the work is done well and on time, no one will ever bother you. But as you might imagine, it is not what people who seek to self-actualize would pursue.
Thanks. I think I will let her decide what to do, but since this place is a big supporter of autism, a may say something to the big headquarters about this horrible woman.
Awareness of the problem at an early age is a crucial part of managing Asperger’s Syndrome. If your daughter is simply too talented to be stuck in some dead end job, being an entrepreneur is something that could be seriously considered. Aspies have certain traits that make us almost entrepreneurs by default. When we are interested, we will do something all of the time to the exclusion of everything else. Perseverance is the key ingredient to entrepreneurial success. It may involve working with people but on our own terms and not someone else's.

Another alternative is to micro-specialize and become say the world’s leading expert in some highly technical and arcane material. Many people in academia or mainline professions like lawyers and doctors would fall into this category. Needless to say, the road to becoming a leading expert in anything requires a tremendous amount of effort.

There are options, especially if your daughter is like some Aspies who fall into the higher range of the IQ ambit, but it will not be easy. However, she is sixteen and there is plenty of time to figure things out; although it is important to start the long slow process of working things out and finding the answers that sit well with her. Take this experience as a blessing for it illuminates early in her life what she can and cannot do. Respect her limitations as much as you would want to harness her strengths.



voss749
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 3 Apr 2006
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 120

08 Oct 2007, 9:45 am

If your daughter was 18 id say tough.

I assume this is some sort of fast food or other corporate location.

However the fact that your daughter is 16 means you are her legal representative and you
have every right to request a meeting with the asst managers supervisor(the store manager)
and explain the situation. As a parent you have the legal right to represent your daughters interests.


What the asst manager is doing is harassment and would be unacceptable regardless
of whether the person has AS or not. I would not use the word "sue" , I would instead
emphasize your daughters willingness to work on her issues while emphasizing that the asst managers
behavior is unprofessional and is probably in violation of corporate policy.

At this point, a certified letter explaining the situation and requesting a meeting with the store manager
(NOT the assistant manager) would be appropriate. The store manager would then be on notice of
your daughters disability, the harassment and then be legally obligated under ADA to act to protect your daughter
from harassment or be liable for damages.



mechanima
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Nov 2005
Age: 66
Gender: Female
Posts: 524

08 Oct 2007, 10:00 am

alliegirl wrote:
My daughter did tell the woman that she believes that she was treated unfairly, but of course she says that is not true. All the teenagers that work there are against her because she will not stand around and gossip with them. She works with children and they just love her and so do the parents. She also has a big boss, that seems much more indertsanding, but rarely comes to that work place anymore, so she is letting that horrible woman handle the situation. What is SOOOOO ironic and weird about this whole thing is that this place she works st is a BIG supporter of autism. She has not told them she has AS. Should I tell the nice big boss? I'm afraid to get involved, yet I feel that I must.


Go and TALK to the big boss...what's to lose?

If you need extra motivation remind yourself that little autistic kids placed in this woman's care are liable to get the same treatment as your daughter and that is NOT ON, even if your daughter leaves.

M



the_incident
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 23 Sep 2007
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 110
Location: United States of America

08 Oct 2007, 11:30 am

Unfortunately, whether one has AS or not, just about everybody has the experience of having to deal with an idiot boss.



nirrti_rachelle
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2005
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,302
Location: The Dirty South

08 Oct 2007, 12:53 pm

I'm afraid that's pretty much a universal experience with Aspies in the work force. I don't have enough space in this thread to tell you about the hell I've experienced (and still am experiencing) at jobs.

The only thing I can suggest for your daughter is to find an area where the demand for workers is so high they have no choice but to accept anyone who's qualified. Fields like nursing and teaching (particularly special ed) are highly people-centric. However, the people who do the hiring are mainly government entities rather than private corporations. So they have more of an obligation to treat their employees fairly and with their being such a need for people to fill the position, they can't afford to fire people on a whim.

I have a degree, already, but I'm back in school getting my teacher certification in special education since I can never have a secure job in the corporate world. It's ironic how kids in special ed get all kind of labels while the adults in the corporate world seem to be the most disturbed of all.


_________________
"There is difference and there is power. And who holds the power decides the meaning of the difference." --June Jordan


pandabear
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Aug 2007
Age: 65
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,402

08 Oct 2007, 2:52 pm

The same thing is happening to me right now.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt44636.html

And I am 48, I have two master's degrees, and close to 20 years as a statistician with the US federal government.



alliegirl
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 53

08 Oct 2007, 8:51 pm

nirrti_rachelle wrote:
I'm afraid that's pretty much a universal experience with Aspies in the work force. I don't have enough space in this thread to tell you about the hell I've experienced (and still am experiencing) at jobs.

The only thing I can suggest for your daughter is to find an area where the demand for workers is so high they have no choice but to accept anyone who's qualified. Fields like nursing and teaching (particularly special ed) are highly people-centric. However, the people who do the hiring are mainly government entities rather than private corporations. So they have more of an obligation to treat their employees fairly and with their being such a need for people to fill the position, they can't afford to fire people on a whim.

I have a degree, already, but I'm back in school getting my teacher certification in special education since I can never have a secure job in the corporate world. It's ironic how kids in special ed get all kind of labels while the adults in the corporate world seem to be the most disturbed of all.


Thats funy because she wants to be a nurse. Good thing I guess



alliegirl
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 53

08 Oct 2007, 8:51 pm

nirrti_rachelle wrote:
I'm afraid that's pretty much a universal experience with Aspies in the work force. I don't have enough space in this thread to tell you about the hell I've experienced (and still am experiencing) at jobs.

The only thing I can suggest for your daughter is to find an area where the demand for workers is so high they have no choice but to accept anyone who's qualified. Fields like nursing and teaching (particularly special ed) are highly people-centric. However, the people who do the hiring are mainly government entities rather than private corporations. So they have more of an obligation to treat their employees fairly and with their being such a need for people to fill the position, they can't afford to fire people on a whim.

I have a degree, already, but I'm back in school getting my teacher certification in special education since I can never have a secure job in the corporate world. It's ironic how kids in special ed get all kind of labels while the adults in the corporate world seem to be the most disturbed of all.


Thats funy because she wants to be a nurse. Good thing I guess



alliegirl
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 53

08 Oct 2007, 8:51 pm

nirrti_rachelle wrote:
I'm afraid that's pretty much a universal experience with Aspies in the work force. I don't have enough space in this thread to tell you about the hell I've experienced (and still am experiencing) at jobs.

The only thing I can suggest for your daughter is to find an area where the demand for workers is so high they have no choice but to accept anyone who's qualified. Fields like nursing and teaching (particularly special ed) are highly people-centric. However, the people who do the hiring are mainly government entities rather than private corporations. So they have more of an obligation to treat their employees fairly and with their being such a need for people to fill the position, they can't afford to fire people on a whim.

I have a degree, already, but I'm back in school getting my teacher certification in special education since I can never have a secure job in the corporate world. It's ironic how kids in special ed get all kind of labels while the adults in the corporate world seem to be the most disturbed of all.


Thats funy because she wants to be a nurse. Good thing I guess



Remnant
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2005
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,750

08 Oct 2007, 9:36 pm

You know, these people who push people out of jobs and mistreat people that way, there is nothing wrong with them ending up in menial jobs, on street corners attempting to sell their wares, in mental hospitals, even in morgues if that is what they choose to do with what is left of them after honest people have righteously savaged them. They live by making other people miserable. They are parasites.



voss749
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 3 Apr 2006
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 120

10 Oct 2007, 4:53 pm

"Should I phone the big boss?"

Why dont you start with store manager the immediate supervisor of the asst manager.
Regardless of her behavior the assistant managers behavior was unprofessional at the very least.



AnnabelLee
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 173

10 Oct 2007, 5:01 pm

I've been through this...I am now in college majoring in psychology, specifically to work with Autism! Might as well use what I know, right? But it is really hard to deal with. I would definitely go talk to them. Let the people above her what is occurring and why it is unacceptable. Mentioning autism/asperger's is a federally recognized disability usually helps with the higher ups. They hear that and think "Oh God, lawsuit potential!"

Good luck to you both. Poor girl! Make sure she knows the problem lies with the manager, not her. She is perfect the way she is.


_________________
"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."


Tempy
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jul 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 296

10 Oct 2007, 5:10 pm

alliegirl wrote:
My daughter is being singled out by an asst. mgr at her job. She actually talks about her to the other employees that she is weird. Is there anything that I can do? She really tries so hard. She gets in trouble for really stupid things. This lady is in a power position and really takes it out on my daughter. She tells all the teenager kids that work for her about my 16 year old daughetr. What should she or I do?


If it gets really bad and you can get evidence that your daughter is being harrased and discriminated against, heck just harrased, you could try the legal venue, other than that, sticking it out or getting a new job is the only thing i can think off. I have lost plenty of jobs that way. Office work alone in a cubicle would be good, a paper route, early in the morning by herself is fast paced, routine and lonely, even your customers are asleep!