Ideas on how to have more s-e-x in a marriage

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Does anyone have some fabulous tricks they use in order to actually have more sex in their marriage. With a six-year-old AS son and a 22-month-old potentially AS son, we're usually so tired after they go to bed to do anything. We're working on maybe 10 times this year. Sex is not only a great stress reducer, but, if I remember correctly, it's also pretty fabulous.

With a 4 year old and a 22 month old, I can relate! Nap time is helpful, since they go to bed later we can squeeze in an evening nap for them and that works out well for us Afternoon naps on weekends are also nice.

For your 6 year old who may not nap, a playdate with a freind so you can have some alone time. Also, if you two can get an overnight sitter once in a while to have some couple time, that's also good. I think it's vital to be able to have that for you and hubby, but I also know how difficult it is, being in a very similar situation. The trick is just looking for places in your schedule where you can pencil in some couple time. Shift things around a little if need be. It doesn't always go as planned, but persistence is key

I've found that the biggest hindrance to sex is stress. Not lack of time or being tired. Although those seem to be the problem at the time. Having other things going on reduces your time and increases stress. Prolonged stress makes you tired. etc. Unfortunately, having AS children and being AS yourself creates a load of stress. Anxiety often goes with AS so that is a source of stress. I'm not sure how old you are, but men's sex drive in general starts to diminish in their mid twenties. Women's tend to increase to their thirties then trail off.

Planning helps. But if you are not stress free already and your sex drive is not up when you have the time, It will not work.

Sex in itself doesn't take long. But I assume you are including romance, foreplay, petting, etc in this. The traditional ways are more time consuming. You may need to modify the way you do these. Try "quickies". Try sneaking in a cheap feel while your kids are not paying attention. Play the romantic games like sexy notes or signals that you and your spouse understand but your kids won't. When you finally get the time alone, you'll be ready to go.

By all means talk to your spouse. When your drive is up but hers is not, or vice-versa, it won't work. If it's seems forced, it won't be worth it. If your or her stress is up, it may not work.

Not getting any causes it's own stress. Maybe you or your spouse need to go solo to release some stress which will help when your together.

So by my theory, you need to reduce stress and improve your sex drive. If you figure this out let me know. I've heard that exercise and eating healthy promotes these. It does seem to work. But when am I not tired or have the time....

no ideas here.....hubby is aspie, son is 15 year old aspie, 9 year old daughter has ADHD....too much stress, no energy

Yup, I'm all for the quickie; my wife, however, isn't so much -- she sort of prefers the whole package (quickies seem "cheap" to her), and I'm fine with that, but I tend to have a pretty high sex drive, so the occasional quickie would be just the thing. I'm sure we'll find something that works. I'm just curious what other parents of AS kids do.


This would be ideal, but they're so dang high-maintenance that I'm not sure if someone else could handle them. And I'm not sure if I'd want to put another fellow human being through that . Of course, they'd probably be little darlings for someone else.

From searching the internet it appears that filming yourself and posting the resulting videos on the internet is popular.

I've never found an ingenious solution, but after my first marriage went to 10 times a year, then to one or two times a year, then to divorce, I did address the issue right at the beginning of my second marriage. The solution for us has been: sex is not optional, it's mandatory. One night off, fine. Two, OK. Three is pushing it, and by night number four, we are getting laid no matter how tired or stressed we are, or how early we have to get up in the morning. It's not the ideal solution, but in an imperfect world, sometimes you have to settle for something that just works.

I'll second the "mandatory nap time" with the kiddos. Quickies tend to be the currency during the day. It's also fun to talk inuendo with your spouse as long as you are certain the kids won't pick up the underlying message.

For some reason I keep picturing Bruce the shark in Finding Nemo when he flips out, except here he says, "I'm having sex TONIGHT!! !" I like this solution.


Yes, innuendo is a fun thing, as is covert touching, fondling, brushing against, etc. Relaying all of that innuendo and fondling into sex isn't always easy (obviously). It's amazing how many things an Aspie child can do that just completely stresses out and pisses off the rest of the family, and generally ruins the mood we've been building up.

Perhaps this should be moved to the Adult Aspergers forum.

I considered that, but it is a parents' issue.

I don't know what your work schedule is like. My husband doesn't get weekends off, he's in retail. So, he gets weekdays off and we use the Pop-free day for hanging out and talking. he can't have sex in the morning (too much information, I know) but we alleviate A LOT of stress by hanging out and being friends first. Also, we don't try to force sex on his first night off because of anxiety.
It doesn't sound romantic but it's necessary to just hang out and talk, chat, argue. Then later, you won't have to cram in the chatting, romance and sex all into the same 45 minutes.

If you don't have any free time like this, then I have nothing. We suffered for about 3 years before my son was in school and not sleeping at nights. We had no time to destress. It was hell.