Dating This Girl: The Girl, The Me, The Plan, and The Advice

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Ok, to start it off, I'm going to share some information of the girl I like. I'll give out as much information I feel is necessary. I'll also try to give out certain circumstances I have experienced with this person. Finally, I will propose my plan of "attack" so I can try and date her. I want advice from anyone who can to tell me if I'm on the right track, if I should fix the plan, or if I'm hunting the wrong prey. If you need to know more, please tell.

The Girl
First off, she's blonde, with dark brown or black eyebrows. I don't know what her eye color is, but I bet it's blue or hazel. She's average size, not too skinny, and she has noticable feminine feautures. So as you can obviously see, she's pretty attractive. The important stuff I need to identify, however, is her personality.

The girl is often nice. When people greet her, often times her shoulders move upwards and her head shrinks down, and she waves only her hand by shifting her wrist I think. I think this is cute, but I think this may be because she is somewhat nervous. She doesn't greet her friends like this though, and she seems to talk to them easily and fluently. I've noticed she doesn't too often interact with people outside of her circle, but her circle is somewhat large with a mix of both girls and guys. The girl HAS greeted me before, and it seemed she was expressive about it. (Hint, I don't ever greet others unless I really know them well, like my friends.) Her shoulders were also in their normal position, but she used the same hand wave. I knew her since 7th grade, and she was in my 8th grade science class and is in my freshman world cultures and communication arts honors classes. I get the feeling she is somewhat shy around others, but interacts with her friends well.

In many cases, as with social communication, I am the very same way. My friends are my home-dogs, and I greet 'em whenever I see 'em. I think the girl I like may be dating, but I heard she's breaking up, which you know what that means, the plan to strike!

The Me
Since you guys know enough about the girl I like, I should probably tell you all about me.

I am notorious for having two distinct profiles when people view me. I'm either seen as a nice guy who loves a laugh, or a stupid, obnoxious guy who is really annoying and mean. If you really get to know me, you'll find out the first persona is much more accurate, but I am a tough critic and some would say my views on humanity are incredibly cruel, harsh, and possibly even hateful. I do care about people though, and I value my friends. I extend my hand to help friendly, attractive girls and my homies, my friends. I try to offer all of my support to people closer to me, and I always urge them to come to me if they're ever having a trouble with something in life. I like laughter, I love to laugh, and I like to entertain others. I tend to get pleasure out of entertaining others and making people happy makes me happy. Some could say I'm a class clown, but to good people, class clowns are some of the best people you can know. I am very blunt, so I tend to offemd others very easily. However, when it comes to girls, unless I really know them well, I try to stay as honest as possibly while remaining kind and supportive of them.

I'm sure my physical appearance is important, too. I have no pictures to show, but I'll do my best to describe myself. My hair is a dirty blonde. I like it short, because long hair looks trashy and emo styles are just ret*d in my opinion. My eyes are hazel, and my eyebrows match my hair. I keep myself shaved because facial hair looks funny at my age. I'm rather thin, being 5' 4" and weighing 120 pounds. I don't have a muscular chest or arms, but they don't look sickly skinny or anything, or like there's any extra fat anywhere. In a sense, I look like a jock, but I'm not exactly one of them. I do have a slight acne problem, but it's not that bad and I've been working on treating it lately.

Socially, I'm obviously not a genius at. Going up and talking to people I dont talk to often or visually disturbing people is very hard. Once in awhile I get the strength to speak to others, but it's rare. When people do approach me that I don't talk to often, I try very hard to maintain eye contact and I try to listen what they have to say. I do what I can to try and smile a little and show positive gestures. I hate smiling, but it seems from what I've noticed it has a big impact on girls, so I've been practicing. So that's my story.

I think I may have gotten hints that certain girls may like me, but I try to keep a real perspective and not let my easily seduction to the nice, pretty girls get at me. I try to approach everything for a neutral perspective and analyze the situation and use logic and reason to explore positives and negatives of a situation to figure out what the reason is behind something. From what I feel, the girl I like definately doesn't hate me or dislike me. The girl, in all honesty, probably likes me as a person and probably thinks I'm a nice person. Problem is, I don't know if there's more there that I can't see or if she likes me enough that if I asked her out when she isn't dating if she would actually go out with me. Finally, I will introduce you to my code of honor, and the things I live by.

1) Grab Life by the Horns (To Destroy Fear, You Challenge It)

2) People Have a Right to Privacy

3) Wisdom is a Wonderful Thing to Share (I Like Helping People)

4) Laughter is the Best Medicine (Happiness PWNs All)

5) You Attack My Allies and You'll Never See the Light of Day Again (I Support My Allies, So Mess With Them and You'll be Sorry, VERY Sorry)

So, there you have it. I may add to it later, but I think this section outlines well enough who I am as a person. And also, for future reference, I'm 15 years old.

The Plan
Back in June, a friend of mine helped me set up a MySpace profile. At first, I didn't really use it, but now I do. As I'm sure you all can relate, internet communication is MUCH easier than social communication. I think I really lucked out on Monday, though, but I'll get to that later. As for now, off with the plan.

Observing the girl's circle of friends, I figured it would be best if I met this girl through one of her friends. The one I picked, however, I wasn't able to contact via internet communication, and I basically almost gave up hope when I heard she was dating.

Then, I decided I mineswell work on friendly gestures, since they seem to mean a lot to women. I try to practice smiling at nice girls, and as luck would have it, the girl I like has a friend that rides my bus. That friend also has a friend who's on my bus. Since I've noticed people tend to sit in the same places all the time, I strategically sit near where they tend to come sit. This gives me a chance to interact with them and try to strike up conversation with them. I have slowly gotten better, but I still need lots of improvement. As luck would have it, on Monday, one of those girls came to sit with me after some dumb annoying middle schoolers were picking on me. Sixth graders are EVIL! Anyway, I managed to get her MySpace profile and now she's on my MySpace friends list. Ironically, on the same day, I heard the girl I like is breaking up with some other guy. Good news for me, right?

With this, I have developed a new plan. Once I start seeing this other girl online on MySpace, I plan to message her, tell her my circumstance, and I plan to word it very carefully so it doesn't sound bad. (I've found women are very sensitive to weird things, no offense to those reading. ) Since this girl has easy contact to the friend of the girl I like, I plan to use this one as a "resource" to maybe understand the female creature, and to try and ask this one person out that I like so much. Oh, and if you're all wondering why I'm not using names, it's because I have a strong policy of respecting people's privacy.

Well, that's about it for my procedure. I still plan to practice speaking and friendly gestures towards the girls on my bus, but that is becoming more of a side plan or a supportive one. The person I plan to ask for advice and help from is very nice, so as long as I don't freak her out (which is my only real problem), she should be very supportive of me. She has also dated several times and is currently dating a guy, so I'm sure talking to her via MySpace will bve a great tool so I can approach and ask out the girl I like.

The Advice
Now it's time for you guys to help me out. Any suggestions, comments, strategies, or anything you have to say that isn't offensive and his supportive, I would like it posted here, please! I want to know if what I'm doing is right or if I shouldn't even be trying to date this person. Anyone is allowed to support and aid my quest, but I would like to know your experience in a similar situation, whether you're a dating experienced Aspergers victim (or blessed soul, in my oppinion), a happily married Aspergers victim, someone who has dealt with Aspergers people who have dated, or someone who has just plain old had a relationship with a women, plus anyone else. Any and all supportive aid is greatly appreciated.

Would you be able to summarize the situation more succinctly? Historically, posters with these types of situations receive more replies if all the necessary information can be easily accessed.

What strikes me about the situation is that you really don't seem to know the girl all that well. So why choose her?

I might be a bit out-of-touch, since I'm 25... but at 15 I simply didn't crush on guys who were outside my regular social sphere. And boys who wanted my attention deliberately placed themselves within that sphere. So yes, I do think it's a good idea to get in her group of friends. Be sure not to approach too obliquely because she may end up thinking you're after one of her friends.

Are you any good at flirtation or playful banter?

I vote for the latter. You need to learn quickly that girls are not objects. This whole post proves you are not on the right track. What is your goal? To get her in bed? I feel sorry for the girl when she finally gets to know you.

Now for some productive advice. Talk to her directly. Girls love that kind of confidence. Accept "no" for an answer.

A little harsh there...



This is excellent advice. Many men, young and old, seem to think that they can pester or badger a girl into liking them back. Not so--and the sooner this lesson is learned, the better you'll fare.

I'm 20, but socially you sound like you're in much better shape than I am, so I'm not sure how much I can help.

Although about trimming down the post so more people will read it I recommend focusing on this part I quoted below because that is basically what I think you are asking help for. You want tips on writing this message properly, am I right? And just for clarification, this message that you want to send over myspace is to the friend and not the girl herself?

I'm not what one would call an authority on how to communicate over the internet so someone else will have to help there.



I'm glad I read this from gwenevyn. ^ I appreciate the honesty, now I'm 100% sure I don't even have a remote chance of ever getting a girlfriend. I'd always suspected that I needed to get in the group of friends, and that will never happen so there's no purpose in even trying. That's a good thing, though. Now I can focus on other things.

What I will throw out there is that the male brain seems to become easily infatuated with a girl he doesn't even know. I've done it before, and I've seen others guys do it, too. This doesn't seem to happen much with women, but I would guess that that is the reason for this particular girl. It's the unexplainable male crush, and it's very hard to get over.



If that is his sole goal I think that would improve his chances. Women never like nice guys.

I'm gonna ban you for being too hard on yourself.

Are you just kidding? I can't tell. (I am, by the way.)



I finally had my own crush of that variety just this year. Well, at least I somewhat knew the guy, but I'd never talked with him one-on-one before forming the crush. It was pretty much a disaster. I totally embarrassed myself. Some might say it was karma biting me in the butt, for all the times I've not understood guys who came after me in a similar manner.

I've had a lot of success targeting guys like that before (deciding which one I want and then closing in very gradually), but I think the difference was managing not to get obsessed about it or too attached to the idea of getting together with that person. When you're nearly obsessed, you act like an idiot. Or, rather, I do. When you're merely interested, you're more free to talk to the person without being too nervous, which lets the "real you" shine forth--that's a lot more attractive than being tongue-tied.

The best start to a relationship is when the attraction sneaks up on both parties at the same time as they're getting to know one another. In my very biased opinion.



Correction: the guys women don't like are all under the mistaken impression that they're nice.

Xlugon, instinctually I think gwenevyn is right about you being better off pursuing the girl herself rather than through a friend. Running it through a friend sounds like it could get very complicated, and complication isn't good when trying for love. I do think however that it wouldn't hurt if you asked the friend if she knew what the girl you like thinks about you. It's likely that the friend will blab something to the girl you like even if you tell her not to, and that is just fine. Talking with her friend about it might pique her interest and make her more receptive. But I think it would be a bad idea to ask the friend to ask for you. But what do I know? (quite a bit, actually, but not on this topic)

Dead serious, I've never had a social circle in my life so by that logic I have no chance. I don't call that being hard on myself, though. Knowing for sure is actually pretty liberating. I won't have to try and be polite to women anymore because I won't care, I'll treat them just like I treat men. That tiny thread of hope was just annoying, I'm glad it's gone. (I'd already kind of given up a month ago, and reading that helped me see I won't regret the decision, that's why I can trivialize it so)



I'm not sure that I can identify.



I never claimed to be nice. Although I was sort of kidding here this time, though. But only kind of, the closest I ever got to getting a girlfriend was with a girl I was quite rude to. She interpreted it as banter or something but my problem was, I didn't know when to pretend to be nice and I eventually blew it and didn't see it until it had already passed. It's a long story and the things I said were pretty offensive and Xlugon has requested that nothing offensive be posted on his thread.

There's a lot to read here, so I have some catching up to do. I am going to bring up some points.

First off, I have found out I never really have much interest in making friends. Those I have made came to me without much effort. There's a reason for it, and it is probably due to my personality. When it comes to relationships, men are attracted sexually and women are attracted more emotionally or romantically. I'm not too sure on women, but I'm sure it's something based on that. I have observed women for a long timne, including my family, which is all girls. From what I've notice, if I can satisfy her emotions the right way, the way I look wont matter too much (as long as I dont look ugly or anything). Yes, the reason why I really want a relationship is honestly for the sexual drive thing, but after more growth, that's not the only thing. If you ask me, there are several kinds of relationships. There are family based ones, friend based ones, and romantic ones, I think. While my family has cared for me, I've never really felt it, and the same goes for friends. Essentially, I don't even know what love or compassion is. However, I'm willing to learn.

So you know now that the sexual crap goes hand in hand for the want to be in a relationship with a girl anyway. There's nothing wrong about that, as long as you're able to control your sexual desires. Plus, like I said before, I respect people's privacy. If she wants sex, that's her choice. I wont pressure any girl I date into having sex with me EVER. Of course I'm going to want it, but I've noticed the sexual thing is becoming a bit more minor now, atleast with this girl.

Flirting? Not really. It seems cruel, yet for some reason women like it. I plan to look it up sometime soon and see how it works. I might even have some ideas up my sleeve here.

I also have observed the air of confidence that I believe "turns girls on". I think you guys misunderstood what I said with the communication with this other girl. This person in particular is NOT going to be my messenger. Maybe for a few things, but the goal in the end is to ask out the girl myself. What I plan to ask of this other girl is to basically give me advice or aid. She's more going to be a mentor if anything on this crap. The final moves will be mine, and I'm going to plan it out perfectly. Honestly, I am mentally prepared for rejection. I used to be afraid of rejection, but now I'm like, what the h*ll, it doesn't matter. I'm also practicing to overrun fear, which is my only real hinderance. Asking her out will be my job completely.

I will state that I was almost obsessed with her, but I could identify it the whole time, it made me feel sh***y, and it lasted long enough I was able to push it down. I think it's coming back too, probably because of some dumb irrational high hopes I have that are very hard to control. I do feel for the situation I am and from what I suffer from, I'm doing a very good job. I think the real danger here is not that of the obsession itself, but what it produces. It makes me more anxious and want to start dating right away, but I'm pretty sure rushing a relationship is bad, so all I can do to supress my 'almost obsession' is to master my mind and control my thoughts and emotions. I'm by no means a master at it, but it does help. I believe at the point I'm at now, I'm mentally ready for a relationship. What I need to do now is prepare myself socially.

After you guys have stated your experience with relationships, I almost feel sorry for you guys. It might not be my place to ask here, but I've realized I've been fortunate in life. I do make some people happy, and some people do like me, whether it's because I'm funny, nice, or something else. I guess what I should be doing right now is to slow down my mindset and take time to build my social skills and try to contact the girl I mentioned or other girls so I can build up more confidence and be able to approach and talk to the girl I like in person. It'll be a tough road, but hopefully I can get somewhere and atleast be able to talk to girls and other people at any time.

Also, I'm not too sure how I could summarize my first post. Any suggestions as to how I could? I'm not a good summarizer.

Oh, and GoatOnFire, by offensive I meant offensive comments towards me, not just regular offensive material like language, etc. I dont want people attacking me and giving me bad advice or none at all. LogicGenerator is an example of what I mean by offensive.