When is it acceptable to hug?
I didn't grow up being hugged very much, it's kind of uncomfortable to me. But not terrible, and really I think I could grow to like it and give hugs when expected.
Knowing when it's appropriate and not awkward is sort of a fear of mine, just getting outside of my comfort zone. I don't like invading others space.
Recently I did much hanging out with my friend who came back home from a military station, along with his girl friend. She's a really cool person, and someone I could be great friends if she was around more with and am happy that they are together. I wish I could hang out with them more and get to know her better. She really seemed to enjoy my company too...
When it came time to say our good byes, I shook her hand but she almost seemed disappointed that I didn't hug her. All my other friends did hug her, and I felt out of place... and wished I did show a bit more affection... she is a great person.
I sort of need help in this, something like practice or experience. It's not that I refuse to give hugs, I just don't know when it's appropriate.
I have some serious intimacy issues, but it's not something that can't be fixed. But I need to find my own way... I can't learn this from my family...
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Wonder what it feels like to be in love?
How would you describe it, like a push or shove?
Guess I could pretend that this is all I need
Wanting more than what I have might appear as greed.
Yeah, I used to have that attitude. I really hated it, but recently I've gone through some very emotional times... both happy and sad... and have enjoyed a hug or two.
I don't care about it that much, and sometimes it's a chore... but sometimes... if I like the person and appreciate them... it's nice.
Mostly though, it's that others like and expect hugs. It's really no sweat of my back if I give hugs or not, so why not satisfy their desire if I can? Especially if I like them, might as well show my appreciation.
The world appears to be a much more intimate place than the one I've grown up in...
_________________
Wonder what it feels like to be in love?
How would you describe it, like a push or shove?
Guess I could pretend that this is all I need
Wanting more than what I have might appear as greed.
I'm the same way, I don't have much memory of even being hugged by my Mother.
It wasn't until I was 15 or 16 that I intentionally hugged a family member. Since then I've slowly been hugging more and more.
_________________
Wonder what it feels like to be in love?
How would you describe it, like a push or shove?
Guess I could pretend that this is all I need
Wanting more than what I have might appear as greed.
wsmac
Veteran
Joined: 31 Aug 2007
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,888
Location: Humboldt County California
I did not grow up with hugs that I can remember.
I am a very 'huggy' kinda person though.
I will hug almost anyone who acts like they want one.
As for approaching someone and being the first to 'step up to the plate' and offer a hug... I ask.
Something simple like, "Do you hug?"
I will also mention to someone that I am a huggy kinda person and offer a hug if they like.
I never force a hug on someone... or at least I don't think I ever have. I hope not anyway.
I see nothing wrong with just asking.
eta: I find it easier to ask women if they would like a hug, or would mind a hug (sometimes I need one for myself). I do hug guys too though. I know this couple and the husband is a bit hard to read. They're really nice folks, younger than me, and the wife hugs.
I asked the wife once when the husband was not home (our kids are best friends, so the families are together fairly often), if he was a hugging sort of person. She said he was not. That helped me the next time I saw him. Up until I asked her, I was never sure if he liked handshaking or hugging and sometimes I'd do one thing.... sometimes the other. It was a bit awkward.
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fides solus
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LIBRARIES... Hardware stores for the mind
I now only hug back when someone else initiates the hug. I never hugged someone since I was little (and i think that was my bus driver apparently I loved her ) but last time I was hugged was my former boss a decade ago, she hugged me and I did not hug back, i was confused, she was angry, and said sarcasticly 'nice hug, dave'
unfortunatly i did not know what to do, sounds stupid, but its true.
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DX'ed with HFA as a child. However this was in 1987 and I am certain had I been DX'ed a few years later I would have been DX'ed with AS instead.
WhiskeryBeast
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 27 Sep 2007
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 52
Location: Reno, NV
Ahhh the huggin question. To be honest, I don't know when it's appropriate to hug someone else (outside my husband, immediate family and cat of course). I have this cousin in law, she's great, we are the same age and she is very nice and always includes me. I am unsure of weather to hug her though and just end up giving her a close up wave goodbye. Makes me feel lame, cause I don't know if it's okay to hug her, or if she would like a hug to begin with.
Does anyone else not liked to be hugged, but likes to be the one who hugs others? I hate the feeling of being squished in someone's arms, makes me a bit panicky. But when my arms are around someone else, it's okay. Mutual hugs, I seem to be alright with.
For me it seems the best to wait until the other person does it first--- otherwise it's hard to know when to do it and who to do it to ( some people like hugs at certain times while others seem to hate them even in similar circumstances). After a while, if it seems like a certain person hugs alot, then i'll assume that it's ok to hug that person on occasion if I feel like it. I don't make the first move on hugs because I don't like to cause bad reactions in people, and people seem to think it's weird.
My close friends when I meet them I always give them a hug. Ditto family members. Ditto boyfriend if any. Not aquaintances or workmates. I think this makes me seem appropriate and I am quite happy about hugging now. What I still can't deal with is people who do the kiss on both sides thing!! ! I never do it back and I must seem so cold.
I'm terrible at this. I hate people hugging me. I've also had the situation of someone hugging me, I tensed up and pulled away, they got really offended. The worst thing is when everyone else is hugging and I just wave goodbye or whatever.
But then sometimes, when I really like someone, i want to hug them but I could never actually do it for fear that they would freak out. I always think it's safer just to not.
The only people I hug are my boyfriend and me and my brother have always hugged in a somewhat aggressive, jokey way. Occasionally my Mum or sister will offer a rather forced hug and I get uncomfortable.
I'm similar, not always sure when it is appropriate. I'd consider doing it only for close friends and relationships. I guess because I don't like soft hugs a proper hug is nice. Most people who try to hug me I sort of put a separation between me and the person and pat them on the back so our trunks barely meet. My sister told me not to pat girls on the back because I did it to her. I don't see a problem with that if otherwise you are going to get close to someone your not going to want to hug properly which could be for reason like you don’t know them or you don’t feel like it. I tend to handshake both boys and girls though I do it less as I get to know them. The worst thing is being kissed with cold lips on cheeks
My friend has hugged me twice and I hugged her twice. I hugged her my two birthdays she attended. The first time I would say it was the first hug in a true friendship that I had reciprocated properly. When she hugged me it was before going away for Christmas and also on her birthday in September and strangely it was in exact the same spot in embankment station where the escalator goes down to the circle and district and the way to the northern line escalators branch as were going are separate ways.
I also hugged a friend who'd just got married. It was a sort of joke. I shook the brides and hand and went to shake his and then rushed in pinning his arms down