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Mw99
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30 Oct 2007, 7:27 pm

Do we prefer to be alone for the sake of being alone? Or do we prefer to be alone because we are unable to have meaningful interactions with people and prefer to spare ourselves the emotional pain of being rejected?

In my case, I feel that the main reason I like being alone is because people are a source of suffering in my life. I don't blame them though. I am as alien to them as they are to me.



thegodofhats
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30 Oct 2007, 7:42 pm

That's a tough question. Personally, I like to be alone because I often find other people oppressive, depressing, annoying, and distracting. I don't really fear rejection I just like to think uninterrupted.



Yog-Sothoth
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30 Oct 2007, 7:48 pm

I like hanging out with my friends and stuff, but I also like to be alone to do the stuff that I do when I'm alone. I like to be by myself as much as possible.



2ukenkerl
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30 Oct 2007, 8:02 pm

Well, I would LOVE to but, for some reason, I just like my interests. All too often, things go too far in some other area, and I just end up getting burned out. HECK, I moved THOUSANDS of miles from all I knew, and it isn't really that big a deal, because what would I do anyway?



Icarus_Falling
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30 Oct 2007, 8:27 pm

Mw99 wrote:
Do we prefer to be alone for the sake of being alone? Or do we prefer to be alone because we are unable to have meaningful interactions with people and prefer to spare ourselves the emotional pain of being rejected?

8O That's a damn fine question. I don't know? Both? To me, aloneness feels, had felt, like my natural state for a very long time; and I had come to believe this is true, utterly, and got past worrying about it or thinking about it. But then recently Eris came tiptoeing up behind me and cracked me in the back of my head with her Divine Cricket Bat of Discord; that caused a massive reshuffling of my mental Tetris blocks, and now I'm not so sure...

There are a few whom I can have "meaningful" connections with, the few good friends I have. And I enjoy doing so, love deep cerebral conversations on pretty much whatever topic you like. (Well, I am getting a little tired of politics). There are times when I actually crave human contact; rarely, but it happens. Never arbitrary human contact, contact with people who I know and like.

Beyond them though... I live in a cabin in the forest in relative isolation by choice; I love not having neighbors. I do suppose I need to be alone sometimes, to go hermit if you would, in the same way people need sleep. I suppose it would not be inaccurate to say that I have "meaningful" contact with my cats, spiders, and gods.

I'm not sure how scared I am of "rejection"; I'm very blunt, and I know it puts people off. Are you talking just in terms of regular folks who can't tolerate our weirdness, our discomfort at making small talk, etc? I suppose that can be a painful thing. I'd much rather be alone than be around people who weren't comfortable around me; I'm not sure if that is most people or not, but I suspect it is. But then again, who could say differently about rather being alone than being unwanted? Well... Maybe people who are especially annoying but don't realize it. :P

For my own part, I will chose to remain a hermit, and partake of human interaction on my own terms.

EDIT: I also just realized, wherever I live I always must have a room that is mine alone; one with a door that I can shut and lock when I need to be left alone; I guess I do need to be left alone sometimes...

Good fortune,

- Icarus is that crazy hermit who lives on the mountain...


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Last edited by Icarus_Falling on 30 Oct 2007, 8:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

gwenevyn
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30 Oct 2007, 8:35 pm

I was thinking a lot about this today.

If I could choose, I'd choose to be mostly alone, never to be obliged to be around others. Total hermit. If I had close friends, I'd be around them... but outside the internet all the friends I have and nothing more significant than a handful of people with whom I don't identify at all, and to whom I never tell anything of importance.

I fantasize about this every day. Breaking free.

But... I've noticed that isolation--while it frees me from the anxiety and bother of real-life social situations--tends to result in the sorts of thought patterns commonly regarded as less than sane.

Catch-22. Stay immersed in the world and be secretly miserable. Cut myself off from it and ...what?


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Nikolai
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30 Oct 2007, 8:38 pm

I don't like being alone one bit.



skahthic
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30 Oct 2007, 8:48 pm

I'm caught in this perpetual cycle--- While i often think I want to be with other people, I don't make any effort to actually DO it. And often, even if I have the opportunity to be with others, I either don't act on it or spend so much time doing my own thing that I then don't have time to do things with others. Other times I simply don't want to be with other people ( around them, yes-- with them, no.).
So what is a person to do?
I actually WILL have other people over my house this week--- the first guests in months. I did the unthinkable--- I INVITED them ( well, only after they wanted to know where we could hang out). They are some of my close and accepting friends, the few that haven't moved away. I'm hoping it turns out ok. After this week I'll reclaim my house and relax once more.



Beenthere
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30 Oct 2007, 8:52 pm

I NEED my alone time...basically it's the only time I feel truly relaxed and at peace...and I'm also free to pursue the countless hobbies that I enjoy.


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Tim_Tex
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30 Oct 2007, 8:59 pm

I do not wish to be alone. I need friendship, companionship, and affection.

Tim


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Unknown_Quantity
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30 Oct 2007, 9:03 pm

I used to prefer to be on my own. Then I started to get into relationships and I found I wanted to have a partner, someone to pair up with and go through life together with. However, contact with that other person is a lot lower than that shown in NT relationships. I like to have a lot of "me time" and I get frustrated when my wife wants to drag me away from whatever I'm doing just to bond.

I think those with AS might handle alone-ness a lot better than NT's. The whole solitary confinement thing wouldn't be punishment to us... Would you prefer to be in with all the other prisoners?


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Icarus_Falling
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30 Oct 2007, 9:11 pm

gwenevyn wrote:
Catch-22. Stay immersed in the world and be secretly miserable. Cut myself off from it and ...what?

Perhaps "...what?" = you end up like ME. 8O :lol: Or perhaps better; or perhaps worse; or perhaps nothing at all... Which, in all honesty, is why I make it a point to make my weekly AD&D game a priority; Meaningful Human Contact Sessions, I will now call them (my DM will get a kick out of that :wink: ). For me, it's rather more like walking the edge of a razor than a Catch-22. And occasionally I've been known to slip and cut myself, so to speak. Misery to the one side, madness to the other, and a fine line between them that is often hard to see. If only I could find my glasses of true seeing…

Good fortune,

- Icarus is an escaped circus performer...


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Ana54
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30 Oct 2007, 9:55 pm

I pretended to prefer being alone in grades 9 and 10, and 11, that I was so busy studying that I had no time for anything. But my loneliness, boredom, and mild depression was really killing me. :)



Berserker
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30 Oct 2007, 10:28 pm

I like being alone because I have no real life friends. I also like being alone because I have more time to do the things I love, like drawing and listening to music.



nicklegends
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30 Oct 2007, 10:51 pm

If I could have my best friends over without ever having to worry about social matters like calling them on the phone or acting properly once they arrive, I would.



Jimbogf
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30 Oct 2007, 11:27 pm

I've been thinking the exact same thing as few here. I prefer to be completely alone. I love my time to think, think, think and my hobbies, the outdoors, this is my life and I enjoy it. I've realized friendships are too much anxiety for me and I tend to be clingy and annoying when I do make a friend. :P However there is always a part of me that wants a very small amount of interaction, hence coming to these forums.

gwenevyn wrote:
But... I've noticed that isolation--while it frees me from the anxiety and bother of real-life social situations--tends to result in the sorts of thought patterns commonly regarded as less than sane.

Same here, If I isolate myself too much I tend to get.. delusional. I lose myself into my thoughts and my own little world. I'm not going to say exactly how much I fell into it before I came to this website. With the help of a few people here I was able to break out of it (mostly) :wink: Then I ended up teetering into misery. Though for now I'm "balanced" I believe, after some things have been cleared up.