Question for married people on the board

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We thought about it and decided against it for reasons unrelated to Asperger's.
That question opens a whole new can of worms. Let's not hijack the thread.

There's not a single household chore that is on my radar.

This drives my partner (not married yet, but co-habiting) crazy. The irony is, that he's nearly as bad as me in that respect. I suspect he's a bit ADHD and we both have trouble remembering to do things, getting distracted by more interesting pursuits, and lack the organisational skills to complete chores efficiently. He does have a thing about laundry though, it's almost obsessive, at least our clothes are always clean!

We live in an absolute tip.

I would be delighted if anyone has some insight for how to deal with the ordinary mundane maintenance things in life that go undetected on Aspie Radar. I can't stand watching our lives go down the drain because we just can't manage. I have suggested to my husband that maybe owning a house was a mistake, at least in an apartment or condo someone else is responsible for the maintenence of the building and yard. And I was the one who really wanted a house. Now he's sold on the idea of home ownership as an investment, and can't seem to comprehend that if the city condemns the property we don't have much of an investment there. The stuff may not be romantic and it's certainly not as rewarding as writing computer programs, but it's got to be done. What do other Aspies do about the maintenance issues?

Well, I would like ideas on how to handle this sort of thing, too. I've tried writing up and following a schedule, but I always revert back to my old routine. I guess it just takes willpower. You would think that an Aspie has an abundance of that, but not really. Not when the thing that has to be paid attention to is not in the interest scope.

Well my 'hubby' and I are common-law (equivalent to marriage here in Canada but just means living together) and we have been together over 5 yrs now. We have two sons and it has been a struggle. We had a lot of stress going on especially because I got pregnant early into the relationship with my oldest son after having infertility issues and was told because of my issues it was unlikely I'd have kids. We now just tolerate each other and do our own thing... after 5 yrs my issues seem to annoy him more and more and he hasn't really gotten any better, he refuses to communicate and work things through and I always got told I had issues with that. We have some pretty good times and some fairly bad ones and sometimes I just don't know how we manage to ever hold it together other than for the boys. It's a struggle because a lot of times fights end up because he feels I'm lecturing him or I can't understand his sarcasm and all.

Im married for 19 years. My husband spends most of his time at his computer working for his company. So I see him rarely. We have two children. I was really unconcerned about having children, so I thought I know them from birth and my competences can grow up with them too. At that time I didnt know that there could be something wrong with me. I thought that Im not as fit as other wives are, other interests, maybe an other perception. Never realized I could have AS (until I read some stories about and did several tests). Now I can classify my problems of my youth and my poor social scills and some problems with living so close together with my family. Maybe I wont be married if I would have known about my AS disposition earlier. But now its ok, think I can manage it.

Our marriage is a daily effort. My husband (NT) says he gets frustrated at the AS and not me. I suppressed much of my AS traits, like stimming, rages etc. for a couple years, but then when I had my child and suffered from post-partum depression, I could no longer hide. I was subsequently diagnosed with AS, but I never knew my quirkiness had a name per se.

Now, I don't hide things from him and we have to constantly communicate. I think he gets very stressed and tired of me, but for whatever reason, he still loves me and I make him laugh.

We have learned to embrace me and all that goes along with me. We laugh 90% of the time and the other 10% he and I work hard together to keep me sane.

I love him, so I make a real effort to make his life easier. I cry a lot, I stim a lot, I bang into things and fall a lot, but we just make jokes and try to find the goodness in me.

However, I must say that I am fortunate enough to be very high functioning, so I think other Aspies on this board would have a difficult time in a marriage.

For instance, right now, my husband is downstairs with some family members. I am upstairs talking to you people. He knows I need this time to de-stimulate and focus on something I enjoy and then I can join them. When I get overstimulated, I feel I lose control of my mouth and I tend to say blunt, truthful, but sometimes hurtful things.

I guess after all this jibber-jabber I am saying the cliche, which is that communication is key. We are starting to get very good at arguing, because he is learning how to talk to me and I am learning how to talk to him. I can't handle ambiguity and empty cliche phrases and he can't handle my inability to process emotion appropriately in the moment.

It is hard work.

Tallgirl.

I do need to add that I cannot focus on my husband the way I would like because he can't cope with that intense focus. I have to work hard at having interests other than my husband so he does not feel smothered

I don't know how many times my wife has said "stop hovering over me!"

Yeah that is the irony of life. I could stand some hovering but I'm married to a man that can go hours without realizing I'm not home on time. Someday when the kids are at Grandma's I am going to stay out all night and see if he notices