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Kurtz
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19 Nov 2007, 5:40 pm

One common denominator here is that we don't like to be touched under certain circumstances.

I hate being grabbed and touched in certain ways, and men are not allowed to touch me.

I don't like the way some women touch me either. Sometimes it feels like when I walk facefirst into a spiderweb, all crawly and ughjesuscan'tgetitoffme startle response.

What I found is that I don't like it when people touch me for their own selfish purposes.

There's a difference between a hug that is supposed to make you feel better and a hug meant as an excuse to press your body into another's. I hate it when women grab my arm in public and put it over their shoulder; it's a narcissistic display for other women, and I'm being used as a prop to boost their egos.

I don't know how else to say this, but some girls act like there's an invisible audience watching them, and they are trying to emulate a scene from a movie or something, some weird bogus ideal they have in their head and you are just there as a prop. They don't want intimacy, they want narcissistic supply. Control of your body.

It's like Munchausen by proxy - a mother keeps her child "sick" so she can "heal" him or her, not for the child's good, but for the mother's need for sustaining her sick made-up fantasy world where abuse is love.

We are sensing people's ill intent when we freak out like that.

We are not necessarily supersensitive to touch, more like we're supersensitive to intent. When people are genuine with me, I'm fine with it. I think this is why I hate hand-holding so much, it so fake and I see no point from my point of view.

Every single one of us has had their ass kicked up and down the block by those around us; we know what we're feeling, and we know when we are being used.

If you don't like a certain kind of touch, there's a good reason. Learning who to trust is the only way to be able to enjoy another's touch.

An internalized sense of mistrust is a good thing to analyze back to its source. If we're naturally sensitive to touch, it could stem from such early injuries as circumcision or that initial slap on the butt from the doctor, or being ripped from your mother's arms by a nurse and stuck in a glorified warehouse and given eyedrops which rob you of your sight, listening only to other terrified cries of loneliness and despair, nurses, strangers who pick you up and move you around and touch you for a living, weighing and measuring you like a wrap of cold cuts, getting restrained and perforated with needles by a flustered woman on hour 11 of a 12 hour shift.

You aren't crazy. There are reasons. Trust yourself.


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Apollyon
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19 Nov 2007, 7:46 pm

I agree that sometimes people do it for selfish reasons. Sometimes they don't. It's my inability to distinguish between the two that makes me crazy.

To me It's almost an insult. Like the person is so presumptuous that they think they are automatically entitled to enter my territorial bubble without asking me for permission. I really loathe it when people assume things about me. Assuming that them and I are close enough that they can put their grubby hands on me is, I think, rude.

Dates would do this too. (What Kurtz said about props.) Holding my hand, putting their hand on my waist or around my shoulder when I gave no such indication that this kind of gesture was desired... To me this is the same as dogs urinating on their territory. To me this seems to say, "this is my property" so that other males in the vicinity will heed the message and back off. It also makes me feel confined. I can't walk away, because someone's arm is around me, limiting my mobility.

Then again, I get confused when people do this, and it is actually just their way of showing affection, or, sometimes it is their way of trying to get closer to me. When friends do this, it simply means- I like you, and this is how I'm expressing it.

Furthermore, I'd also like to mention that I have hypersensitive senses. Foreground noises and background noses are indistinguishable, I have an exceptionally delicate sense of smell and taste (as the two often influence each other), and physical touch is no different. Even the slightest touch causes the hairs on the back of my neck to stand at attention and goosebumps to appear. Certain sensations are painful or unsettling. I absolutely loathe neck and back rubs, because they are EXTREMELY painful to me. So, I really think my aversion to being touched is a combination of senses and psychology- and the one of the two (or both) tend to exacerbate the other.



dawndeleon
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19 Nov 2007, 9:21 pm

I am a bit iffy on touch. If i am trusting of the person i will even take a hug. If i dont know you, better not. I am usually polite and put up with it, but i will start to step back to find an escape. I have squirmed away from many a person. I have even dragged someone in order for them to let go of my hand. There are usually ways to get around it. I nver touch anyone unless i trust them or like them.

Battista90, You are from Finland ? You type exactly like a long lost finnish friend of mine spoke english. Its nice to read. It brings back good memories. Some day i may go back there for the longest day of the year. I have heard it is nice in the summer.



nicky
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19 Nov 2007, 11:14 pm

hmm... i don't really have too much of a problem with this anymore... though there have been times when i've flinched or shyed away involuntarily when someone touches me.. but i think i learned to cope with it. :? in high school, we had 2000+ students in a too-small school.. so going from class to class, i would have several hundred fellow-students brush past me, or me past them.. so i just learned to walk with my arms tucked in, and i was ok. and now, whenever i'm in a situation when someone almost runs into me, or me into them, i automatically put my arms over my chest.. lol... you'd think i'd protect my head.. XD but.. i never really thought "i don't like being touched.."

there have been a few times, though, when i've offended someone accidentally by reaction to touch. once, when i was little.. like 3 or 4.. there was this lady at church who would always carry me around... i was very friendly with her. but one time, she came up behind me and grabbed me and i freaked out and ran under a table an it took a lot of coaxing to get me out.. and that lady felt really bad. another time, when i was around 14, an old man at church, who i was close to, went to put his hand on my shoulder, and i flinched and closed my eyes, and he pulled his hand away without touching me and i could tell he was hurt... and i was thinking "why on earth did i react that way??! !" :oops: but it was involuntary.. now i wish i could go back and explain it to them so they wouldn't feel bad... V_V


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nicky
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19 Nov 2007, 11:20 pm

Apollyon wrote:
I absolutely loathe neck and back rubs, because they are EXTREMELY painful to me.


i agree!! though, if someone rubbed my neck and shoulders like i rub my mom's ankles, i think i'd like it. it's the digging the fingers in that hurts me!! but rubbing not to hard with the palm would be ok. i don't like my dad or sis doing it, cause it really hurts!! and my aunt randomly tried it once (and she was a massage tharapest at the time) and i cried, it hurt like hell!! but my mom does it ok... very lightly.. just enough pressure to not tickle. but she's only done it once or twice.. :?


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Brittany2907
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20 Nov 2007, 12:22 am

batista90 wrote:
what i should say my nt friend?..he asked me why i dont like to be touchet..i tryet my best to answer but broblem is that i dont really know:O.....thats the way it is....how about u? why u hate to be touchet? :)


Just tell them that touch makes you uncomfortable. If they can't accept that, then it's not your fault.
I don't like to be touched because...well now that I think about it, I can't explain it either. It just makes me extremely uncomfortable. Thats the only way I can explain it...I don't know why.


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i_Am_andaJoy
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20 Nov 2007, 1:11 am

i like to be held, hugged, but i am very picky and people rarely get it just right. mostly it will itch or hurt me and guys always argue about it... "i didn't HURT you, i barely touched you!"


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20 Nov 2007, 9:04 am

My friends have asked me that too. I just went "mmm, dunno" in a kind of stupid, indifferent way, and they left it at that.



WhiteRaven
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20 Nov 2007, 1:26 pm

this is, thankfully, one aspie trait i don't have, i can stare down a cow and touch and NT so much that it makes them uncomfortable

bwahahahahahaha :twisted: :twisted:


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riverotter
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20 Nov 2007, 7:30 pm

At work, I think I finally said "Please don't touch me" enough times that people remember not to touch me. Most of the time. I don't cry out anymore, but I used to...
It's easy- "Please don't touch me." Repeat, as necessary.
If anyone asks? "I don't like to be touched." Why should anyone need more explanation than that? Works for me.



batista90
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21 Nov 2007, 10:52 am

WhiteRaven wrote:
this is, thankfully, one aspie trait i don't have, i can stare down a cow and touch and NT so much that it makes them uncomfortable

bwahahahahahaha :twisted: :twisted:
go ahead..do it for me:D


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