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funkfisk
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15 Nov 2007, 11:37 am

do any of you aspies have trouble with stress, that, in form of coping with external "have to do"? like, going to some authority and talk (which you have to do, but dont want to). i have alot of problems with that, and have always had, i just want to do the stuff i want to do, and not to be interfered by external factors. (but if i dont do it, everything will get worse... but i cant, i really cant.. been like this all my life as i can recall).

and if you can cope with it, what are your tips and strategies? :-o



Helek_Aphel
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15 Nov 2007, 11:42 am

Everyone has trouble with stress.
As aspies, we are more prone to have trouble with stress.
Unfortunately, I tend to be able to simply force myself to do what I don't want to do.
A common tip given is to balance the "have to do" with the "want to do".
Maybe you could deceive yourself into thinking that you want to do what you have to do...



Macallan
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15 Nov 2007, 12:33 pm

Yes.

I sometimes have to talk to large-ish groups of people (100+) and I hate it, absolutely hate it :(

I get through it by rewarding myself afterwards. I'll stim all the way home (whilst driving which I suppose isn't sensible) with my essential music tracks playing, and then have a day off work and away from people. I tell myself that for the day of solitude doing whatever the h*ll I like, I just have to get through the talk/stressful thing.

Everyday-stress sometimes builds up so that my heart does unexpected huge thumps in my chest. That's my signal to take some time out, stop trying so hard, and indulge myself.

The reward system works for me and I also use it when I'm anxious about going to a party, or other meetings where I'll have to talk to a lot of strangers.



nobodyzdream
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15 Nov 2007, 12:37 pm

I have a lot of trouble doing things that I "have to do". A lot of the time my doctors appointments go well overdue, lol, because I won't just pick up the phone and call when I need to. I eventually do get around to it, but it takes me forever once I realize how long overdue it is. I get stressed out, vent about what all I need to do. It feels like I need weeks to figure out the order of how to do everything that needs to be done, and to get it accomplished, while at the same time I know it would only take about 10 or 20 minutes out of my day if I would just sit down and do it.


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otakucore
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15 Nov 2007, 12:51 pm

If you were to ask any of my familiar members they would say I have very little to no coping abilities. They are right. Tends to and can shut me down for a bit. Only way I have gotten through it is pull from the "have to do" before it gets to bad. In many cases you can not always do this. Nor can I predict what will set me off. Then there is times I have no idea what sets me off.

Spend most of my time stressed out. Just try to keep it under control.

The way I deal with it is that I have built me a very pleasant environment to live in, house wise. Feel very comfortable and safe there. So in a way its my "safe house". I also have 3 cats that help me out tons. Animals through out my life have been very helpful to me. Then the big helper is family.



thyme
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15 Nov 2007, 1:18 pm

I make a list in my head of things I have to do, but don't want to
and I try to accomplish 1 or 2 of the things on the list everyday. This way the list doesn't get too long and overwhelming and cause even more stress.


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arem
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15 Nov 2007, 6:40 pm

I used to just avoid things - I only go to the doctors every 3-4 years, haven't been to the dentist's in probably 8 years...

These days there's a lot more than needs doing (eg., talking to the rental agency, utilities, etc.). I split stuff between "avoid", "avoid and get the wife to do it", and "just do it". I'm a bit better than I was (I can talk to the utilities and stuff OK on the phone, and have made the occasional doctors appointments for my daughters). I still do enough of the first two to frustrate everyone though :oops:


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nicklegends
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15 Nov 2007, 9:11 pm

There is so much in this world that one should be doing at any given time. For a high school senior like myself, I should be working as hard as I can on college applications. People should be responsible getting their taxes done. Peopleshould be planning in advance for a big presentation. You get the idea. But so rarely in life is there a correlation between what one should be doing and what one wants to do. It's saddening, really.

I'm just awful with situations that should be stressful. I have this unbelievable ability to metaphorically sedate my anxiousness and what desire there is to get going on something. In the end, as a true procrastinator, I wait until very late to get started, and then the final product isn't as good as it would've been if I had started earlier. A tough price. This "sedation" is really poisonous, though, and I need to discipline myself better. But again, that's a "should" and not a "want." Ah, a revolving cycle.



Liverbird
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15 Nov 2007, 11:12 pm

If I start to feel too much "have to do" things, I get very stressed. It will shut me completely down. I usually end up avoiding it completely. Which usually gets me in trouble later on down the road somewhere.

I shut down with bills alot. If too many things come due at the same time, I freak out a little. My coping mechanism has been to marry a guy who is good about paying bills and is actually pretty OCD about it, so he pays all of the bills except for my credit card, my cell phone, and my car payment. I do those myself. Pretty good for me. I've managed to pay all of those semi-on time for 3 years consecutively. YAY!

I have to go to court with my ex alot and that has been disaster. We have a very violent and abusive past and it takes alot for me to even be able to go to court. Let alone be in the same room with him (divorced 10 years, pretty silly, eh?). The judge makes me nuts. I'm sure he's an idiot. I think in some countries it's illegal to be as stupid as him. My ex's lawyer is a whore who spends all of her time trying to get me back for 8 years ago when she actually won a $400 judgement from me that the judge let me pay at $5 a week. I wrote things like "blood sucking vampire whore" and things on the memo line. I did this for a year. She actually took me to court and tried to get it so I couldn't do that anymore. The judge said the memo line was mine to write whatever I wanted. She was pissed. I paid the entire balance off the next day.

I have authority problems. Duh. I think court is the worst for me. I'm already stressed and then I have to go into court with the three people that I have the least amount of respect for in the world. My ex, his lawyer, and the judge. I shake, I stim, I scream. I cry and feel like going on a rampage when it's over. I can't figure out how to make it better. Any ideas?


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arem
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15 Nov 2007, 11:17 pm

Liverbird wrote:
I shut down with bills alot. If too many things come due at the same time, I freak out a little.


I set up automatic payments for almost all of our bills and things. We only get very small bills for most things because of that, which really takes the edge off (especially for the utilities, which are huge otherwise). We're actually ahead on a lot of our bills now, too. No need to panic when you're in credit 8)


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MsBehaviour
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15 Nov 2007, 11:29 pm

Normally I can be quite eloquent (thanks to a wonderful speech and drama teacher as a child) and have done plenty of public speaking and radio shows. However if I'm stressed or over-tired I start to forget words and stutter a lot. I start to sound a bit like Elmer Fudd or the lawyer off Ally McBeale. I also start repeating words which I think is called echolia. I find it funny now I know why it happens but it used to distress me when I was a kid. My Aspie traits are definitely far stronger when I'm tired or stressed out. :wink:


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