Im obsessed.....and thats NOT a good sign:(

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I'd like to ask you people here if you have any useful suggestions for coping with a long-term obsession. Especially one that takes time away from your responsibilities. I just realized today that Im obsessed with finding a gf and because of that Im spending EXCESSIVE time online checking my messages on online dating sites. Because of being obsessed by this I find it hard to concentrate on my studies. This particular thing is by far one of the Worst possible things to be obsessed with-because such an obsession is extremely counterproductive. I really HATE to admit that Im desperate but now I realize its true and I need help somehow but Im really not convinced there's a magic pill to put a stop to this. I am taking Paxil CR but it doesnt seem to be putting a stop to this.

Before I even finished reading through your post, I thought of saying just that, but you're already aware of it.



This will probably again be stating what you already know, beyond it being a counterproductive obsession, but in case you hadn't thought about it this way:

Looking has never worked for me. If anything, looking for a girlfriend usually caused me more grief than anything else. I'd come across someone that I thought was great, try and do things to get the ball rolling, and usually just drop it completely. Not to mention that they would so often turn out to be nothing like I had initially thought.

If you let yourself be desperate, you may settle for less than what you really want, even if you aren't consciously aware of it. You may allow yourself to overlook little things that otherwise would have really bothered you.

Also...drugs... I didn't use them for very long, but nothing really helped me. No substance really helped me. Smoking spaced me out, but it was like hitting the pause button on my life. At best. Drinking, much worse. When i was sober, I was miserable. When I was drunk, I was happy for an hour or so, then I was comfortably miserable.

The best for me has been when I haven't been looking, and yet even without looking, I found someone incredible.

So what am I to actually DO about it??

Why the Hell would I let myself be desperate?! Its NO FUN for me and it gets me NOWHERE!

You could try reasoning it out, that it isn't logical to go about things this way. Not saying that would work, but it might. If your grades suffer, that's one more thing that won't help you in terms of a relationship.

You could lose yourself in something else that you're very interested in. For a while, I played World of Warcraft for upwards of eight to ten hours a day. Not saying that's healthy, but it could potentially get your mind off of things.

Past that, I don't know if there's anything you can actively do about it. I had to give up on success entirely before I got anywhere with getting over that obsession.

If you're on one or more dating sites, think of your profile as an "autopilot" that "does the looking" for you. All you have to do, is check back regularly for messages etc. -- *not* every ten minutes, but rather something like once a day, maximum. Just for thought, compare how often you actually get a personal message or the like at these sites, with the rate at which you check for messages...

See if you can make a "standard operational procedure" (as the aviation guys call it), that you deal with all the "everyday responsibillities" *before* that once-a-day check-up on your dating profiles. It takes discipline, and your head will probably be buzzing with thoughts about what today's dating site check-up may reveal. But *stick* with doing the chores before you get to that...!

I remember when I had accounts on that sort of site. The less often I looked, the more messages I got. When I had all but forgotten about the accounts, I started getting messages much more frequently. Once I no longer needed the sites, the frequency increased yet again.

well im obsessed with this guy, and once it got so bad i made a legitimate plan to stalk him.

Take matters into your own hands.

I mean it. Build a callous. Each time you want to hit that dating site, hit yourself. One time! Unh! Two time! Unh unh! Get funky now!

You don't "need a girlfriend", you need a massive whack session.

When you're thirsty, drink. When you're hungry, eat. When you're tired, sleep. When you're horny...

In all seriousness, many "mental problems" can be traced back to some kind of sexual lacking. If we are taught that our dead grandfather is watching us perform a manual override, well, he's the one who's an incorporeal spirit who chooses to spend his time watching his grandkid! I could think of a few better uses of my time...

There is no better sex than that which you have with yourself. I mean it. You can work out a LOT of issues this way, believe me.