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pbcoll
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04 Dec 2007, 12:41 pm

Mw99 wrote:
wow guys look what I found

http://aspieaffection.com/romance/showp ... php?id=979

8O


Can't possibly be real.


I agree, an attractive childless girl with many highly social interests, including clubbing, is hardly likely to be looking for partners on an aspie dating site - or on any website.


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hartzofspace
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04 Dec 2007, 3:40 pm

Flismflop wrote:


I agree. They look waaay too NT!


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04 Dec 2007, 4:02 pm

This thread is weird to read.
About her being "nuts" or something, or thinking an aspie would put up with her "unusually intense crap" as someone puts it; i think you are describing a potential aspie there, and with fear and loathing.
There is no way an aspie has to be ugly, or fat, or spotty, or physically offputting . Their usual problem is indeed their " unusually intense crap".
I can not believe the comments on here.
Or maybe i'm missing the joke.
About none of the pics could i say, oh that couldn't be an aspie. ( the first of the three links together does look a bit "chopped"/doctored, but nothing else sticks out as "fake") Based on what?
I've been beautiful, getting a bit silver-haired mid forties now,( i started going white very early in fact but everybody used to compliment me on my super highlights ! ! :lol: ) but i've been there, and i know how GORGEOUS i could look in photos and in person, didn't stop me having intense difficulties achieving any kind of real intimacy with anyone, nor did it improve my sex life. etc etc
(They may "even" be members of wp!)

8)



pbcoll
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04 Dec 2007, 4:35 pm

ouinon wrote:
This thread is weird to read.
About her being "nuts" or something, or thinking an aspie would put up with her "unusually intense crap" as someone puts it; i think you are describing a potential aspie there, and with fear and loathing.
There is no way an aspie has to be ugly, or fat, or spotty, or physically offputting . Their usual problem is indeed their " unusually intense crap".
I can not believe the comments on here.
Or maybe i'm missing the joke.
About none of the pics could i say, oh that couldn't be an aspie. ( the first of the three links together does look a bit "chopped"/doctored, but nothing else sticks out as "fake") Based on what?
I've been beautiful, getting a bit silver-haired mid forties now,( i started going white very early in fact but everybody used to compliment me on my super highlights ! ! :lol: ) but i've been there, and i know how GORGEOUS i could look in photos and in person, didn't stop me having intense difficulties achieving any kind of real intimacy with anyone, nor did it improve my sex life. etc etc
(They may "even" be members of wp!)

8)


A girl that liked clubbing and the other things that she supposedly likes, with her looks, would only have to pick and choose from the multitude of men hitting on her. If she were extremely shy (which is hardly compatible with her alleged interests) or had very unusual interests (not the case) then she might have trouble finding someone suitable even if she were attractive. For that matter, I also distrust profiles in non-aspie dating sites that have no obvious reason why she can't get a date, as they reek of dishonesty. By that I don't mean I only believe the profile if she's fat or has kids; I would believe it if she said she didn't like clubs or was very shy or was a bookworm, dorky, etc. But if her only interests are clubbing, pubbing and shopping, claims to get along with everyone, has no kids, has an ok/above average pic, etc, that screams 'don't touch her with a barge pole.' If I came across a profile that said she loved reading and preferred cafes and quiet nights in to pubs and clubs because she wanted a conversation she could actually hear, and said she wanted a serious relationship, I wouldn't think she was 'defective,' on the contrary I would find such a profile extremely attractive, but I could see an explanation for her having difficulty dating and hence would believe she was telling the truth.
When we're dealing with an aspie dating site, I can't think of an honest reason for anyone other than an aspie or an introverted/shy NT to be on it.


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ouinon
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04 Dec 2007, 4:58 pm

The thing is that to me there's little or nothing about these profiles which sugests they are NT necessarilty either. I've seen women play pool exactly because it's an acceptable way to avoid the worst pointless bla bla, and dancing , esp when pissed , is a brilliant way to be out with supportive NT friends but not have to interact with anyone; like running and swimming are classic solitary sports, and coffee and conversation one to one with a close friend is actually very within aspie capacities. Shopping is a hypnotic meditation or socially acceptable escapism, or even a fix for some. Etc. Nothing about these descriptions disqualifies them from genuine aspiedom. After all are the interests of aspie guys so revolutionary all the time?? ! Aren't there a fair few car fanatics, technology fascinated etc among the guys on here?
Lots of women don't have the support, or the intellectual or cultural background, or the courage even, to become solitary poetical souls just because socialising and intimacy and understanding people are difficult for them. And I did read on here that passionate interest in TV soaps and serials etc is pretty common too.
But what aspie women have is their womanhood, which according to Attwood etc may mean they will have learned more easily, or been more presssured to learn, social skills before anything else, thus perhaps what you seem to see as their "pretty little empty heads", (until explode anyway) ! Which may happen any time from late twenties onwards as they begin to realise that the social skills they spent all their life energy and intelligence on acquiring still doesn't bring them the "real woman"s life they had been led to believe it would. At which point desperation might strike, and oh horror, they try a dating site!!
Curious about your saying that the pictures "scream don't touch with a barge pole" because that is so true of so many aspies. Don't touch.

8)



04 Dec 2007, 5:04 pm

The first profile in the link, she looked young for her age. She looked more my age or under.

Are we calling those profile fake because they're all hot women in them? :?


*Wonders if she created a profile on there and posted her pic, would others think it's a fake too*



ouinon
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04 Dec 2007, 5:13 pm

Spokane_Girl wrote:
The first profile in the link, she looked young for her age. She looked more my age or under.
Are we calling those profile fake because they're all hot women in them? :?

That's the impression i got too. Like aspie must mean ugly. Or if not ugly someone very brave, capable of abandoning the comfort of the "common herd", not someone who likes shopping and dancing .
Looking young for age is a common aspie trait i read somewhere. At least until mid age.

8)



Last edited by ouinon on 05 Dec 2007, 1:55 am, edited 2 times in total.

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04 Dec 2007, 5:14 pm

I’m not going to mention why I came to the conclusion that they are pseudo accounts. If I did that, it could help the people who are obviously trying to scam people like me.


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04 Dec 2007, 5:14 pm

ouinon wrote:
I've seen women play pool exactly because it's an acceptable way to avoid the worst pointless bla bla, and dancing , esp when pissed , is a brilliant way to be out with supportive NT friends but not have to interact with anyone;


I play pool because I like playing pool. I play on less crowded nights in less crowded places. I go with my boyfriend and I don't talk to anyone else. It doesn't have anything to do with socializing or drinking or NT friends.



ouinon
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04 Dec 2007, 5:16 pm

EvilKimEvil wrote:
I play pool because I like playing pool. I play on less crowded nights in less crowded places. I go with my boyfriend and I don't talk to anyone else. It doesn't have anything to do with socializing or drinking or NT friends.

Exactly; there is nothing inevitably NT about a person liking to go to a bar to play pool.

Flismflop, this info you have and keep secret to avoid helping the scammers, could it be helpful for wp'ers to know in order not to be scammed themselves? ( esp as it is the dating site linked to wp too, which might suggest that the posters more likely to be really aspie)

8)



pbcoll
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04 Dec 2007, 5:35 pm

ouinon wrote:
The thing is that to me there's little or nothing about these profiles which sugests they are NT necessarilty either. I've seen women play pool exactly because it's an acceptable way to avoid the worst pointless bla bla, and dancing , esp when pissed , is a brilliant way to be out with supportive NT friends but not have to interact with anyone; like running and swimming are classic solitary sports, and coffee and conversation one to one with a close friend is actually very within aspie capacities. Shopping is a hypnotic meditation or socially acceptable escapism, or even a fix for some. Etc. Nothing about these descriptions disqualifies them from genuine aspiedom. After all are the interests of aspie guys so revolutionary all the time?? ! Aren't there a fair few car fanatics, technology fascinated etc among the guys on here?
Lots of women don't have the support, or the intellectual or cultural background, or the courage even, to become solitary poetical souls just because socialising and intimacy and understanding people are difficult for them. And I did read on here that passionate interest in TV soaps and serials etc is pretty common too.
But what aspie women have is their womanhood, which according to Attwood etc may mean they will have learned more easily, or been more presssured to learn, social skills before anything else, thus perhaps what you seem to see as their "pretty little empty heads", (until explode anyway) ! Which may happen any time from late twenties onwards as they begin to realise that the social skills they spent all their life energy and intelligence on acquiring still doesn't bring them the "real woman"s life they had been led to believe it would. At which point desperation might strike, and oh horror, they try a dating site!!
Curious about your saying that the pictures "scream don't touch with a barge pole" because that is so true of so many aspies. Don't touch.

8)



My point is not that these things prove they're not aspies (or are even relevant to guessing whether the person is aspie or not), but that they don't explain why they have problems dating. Someone, aspie or NT, with these interests would relatively easily find plenty of people that shared them. Someone with very unusual interests would have a harder time, aspie or NT. An attractive woman that went clubbing would have plenty of men initiating contact, so shyness wouldn't be a problem. Some women do mention bad dating experiences in their profiles (including giving up on finding someone suitable in clubs), this too gives them a ring of authenticity. Swimming, 'coffee and conversation' , etc would not ring alarm bells with me. The point is that people on dating sites are there for a reason, and if there is no apparent reason on a profile, that suggests it's either a con (i was contacted by one such con on aspie affection) or that the reason is being hidden.

Spokane_Girl, their hotness is relevant, especially since women don't need to initiate contact to get a date. an Adonis with poor social skills might just get hit on by gay men, but an attractive woman will be hit on by many men.


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ouinon
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04 Dec 2007, 6:05 pm

pbcoll wrote:
My point is not that these things prove they're not aspies but that they don't explain why they have problems dating. Someone, aspie or NT, with these interests would relatively easily find plenty of people that shared them. Someone with very unusual interests would have a harder time, aspie or NT. An attractive woman that went clubbing would have plenty of men initiating contact, so shyness wouldn't be a problem. Women don't need to initiate contact to get a date. an Adonis with poor social skills might just get hit on by gay men, but an attractive woman will be hit on by many men.

As a previously (! !) attractive, probably-aspie, woman i can say that do not/did not get hit on by lots of men. Apart from the "bad ideas" anyway!
A close male friend explained to me years ago that it is because only men completely lacking in humility, or with absolutely no idea of usual social signals ! ! will approach a beautiful/attractive woman that they don't know at all. Which might be why i got approached by "creeps, weirdos, wolves or narcissists" ( to express it the way it seemed to me then, except that i thought the wolves and narcissists were cool ! !) ).
In fact an aspie woman may be inadvertently sending out signals which put off everybody BUT those groups!! Signals that an NT guy will read correctly as meaning the woman is... "this that or another", somehow "not quite right", despite lovely eyes, smiles, hair, clothes etc. All perfect. Just a bit tooo perfect perhaps ... a little laboured, over worked, artificial...
The nicest men that i met i didn't even realise it at the time, not clearly , because my reading of signals was so off that i thought the nice guys were just friends and the s**ts were the potential partners!!
After a few years of that ( and medium alienated relationships with other weirdos, etc) i discovered rad feminism which seemed to explain why being a woman was so difficult and oppressive, and became a lesbian for a few years, which didn't work any better. Except that i had my first truly intimate relationship as an adult, which was a revelation to me. I returned to hetero existence thinking i would understand itthis time, BUT still didn't. Continued making bad choices in classic aspie fashion, even getting pregnant with a guy i can hardly believe i have to share a house with ( tho maybe not for much longer ! !).

:( Just because an aspie woman is attractive, likes some normal things, and is of reasonable intelligence does NOT mean she will find it easy to "date" ( not dates that work out at all anyway!).
I just don't think there is any reason to dismiss these women as "fake". Or only dodgy reasons. Ones which deny the experiences of a lot of aspie women.

8)



Last edited by ouinon on 05 Dec 2007, 1:56 am, edited 4 times in total.

pbcoll
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04 Dec 2007, 6:37 pm

ouinon wrote:
i got approached by "creeps, weirdos, wolves or narcissists" ( to express it the way it seemed to me then, except that i thought the wolves and narcissists were cool ! !) ). The nicest men that i met i didn't even realise it at the time, not clearly , because my reading of signals was so off that i thought the nice guys were just friends and the s**ts were the potential partners!!



This is clearly not just an aspie thing - but I must say that if you saw only jerks as potential partners and saw nice men as just friends, it is not men that are to blame. If a man just went for hot women without caring about personality and then found that he was sick and tired of gold diggers, shallow women, bimbos, and totally incompatible types, I don't think anyone would feel sympathy for him.
Again, the profiles that complain about the difficulty of finding 'genuine' men and so on are credible. Ah, dating site profiles... there was one that stated, as her two favourite activities, 'going out' and, you guessed it, 'staying in.' (so you don't like staying in the doorway?) Another one that began by saying that she had absolutely, positively no difficulty in meeting people in 'the usual way' (so that's why you're here!), then there are the obvious gold diggers who are looking for an 'ambitious man' and like 'the finer things in life' (why don't you just say how much you charge per date and get it over with?), the ones that list as their sole interest 'having fun' (gee, I though you just loved being bored to tears), the one that warned men not to even think of contacting her if they weren't totally gorgeous, etc.


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04 Dec 2007, 7:20 pm

pbcoll wrote:
Spokane_Girl, their hotness is relevant, especially since women don't need to initiate contact to get a date. an Adonis with poor social skills might just get hit on by gay men, but an attractive woman will be hit on by many men.


Hate to say it, but I've been hit on, even stalked, by many women, as well. Just wasn't my thing.


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04 Dec 2007, 7:49 pm

hartzofspace wrote:
pbcoll wrote:
Spokane_Girl, their hotness is relevant, especially since women don't need to initiate contact to get a date. an Adonis with poor social skills might just get hit on by gay men, but an attractive woman will be hit on by many men.


Hate to say it, but I've been hit on, even stalked, by many women, as well. Just wasn't my thing.


OK, I'm no Adonis, let me rephrase it: a girl with an ok personality is vastly more likely to get hit on by the opposite sex than a guy with an ok personality and equivalent looks.


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05 Dec 2007, 1:53 am

pbcoll wrote:
ouinon wrote:
i got approached by "creeps, weirdos, wolves or narcissists" ( to express it the way it seemed to me then, except that i thought the wolves and narcissists were cool ! !) ). The nicest men that i met i didn't even realise it at the time, not clearly , because my reading of signals was so off that i thought the nice guys were just friends and the s**ts were^potential partners

This is clearly not just an aspie thing - but I must say that if you saw only jerks as potential partners and saw nice men as just friends, it is not men that are to blame.

No, it was my woefully bad reading of body language, social signals etc. Aspieness. An aspie woman may begin to think she has a better chance of finding a potential partner "by post/mail/chat". Or that she is gay. Or frigid. Or that there simply aren't any nice guys out there. Begin to sound like so many aspie guys in fact who accuse themselves of being losers, stupid, etc, to explain their failure to connect well.
I am SOOOOO glad to find out about AS/aspergers. Practically my entire relationship history makes sense now.
I agree some profiles sound utterly unbelievable, but actually none of the four linked to above did. The tone seemed to be set however by a couple of posters thinking the women looked too good/"hot" to be real prospects.

8)