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deep-techno
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04 Dec 2007, 2:43 pm

I have decided that I don't want to get married when I'm older, or even have a girlfriend. I am only a teen in this sense but I'm already thinking about my independent life in years to come. I have decided that I don't want a partner because it would be too much of a compromise of my free time, money, interests and well-being. It would be too stressful raising a family of neurotypicals.

When I discuss this with my parents, they rather annoyingly say that I can be open-minded and things may change. However, I am certain that I don't want a girlfriend AT ALL. My parents say that I might meet a nice girl, but I just don't want to. That's that. I'd just like to live by myself, but I sometimes feel that my parents (and by brother to an extent) are trying to convert me to this stereotypical nucleated family lifetime. I don't want that.

I need some reassurance. What is it like being single and choosing to do so? Is it peaceful? Am I making a perfectly valid choice? I would prefer so, because I don't want to change my attitudes because they're not 'normal'.


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insomniakat
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04 Dec 2007, 2:52 pm

deep-techno wrote:
Am I making a perfectly valid choice?


Yes.

You have to do what makes you happy in life. As long as you aren't hurting anyone, then it is your decision and your decision ONLY.


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Capriccio
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04 Dec 2007, 2:52 pm

I thought this way when I was a teen... then when I actually liked someone, I couldn't stop thinking about them. I do enjoy singleness, but the idea of experiencing love and intimacy, having a best friend for life, that is appealing too.



EvilKimEvil
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04 Dec 2007, 3:38 pm

deep-techno wrote:
What is it like being single and choosing to do so? Is it peaceful? Am I making a perfectly valid choice? I would prefer so, because I don't want to change my attitudes because they're not 'normal'.


I think you are making a valid choice if it is based on who you are and what you want.

When I was single by choice, I found it very peaceful, especially when I lived alone with only my dog, a couple of plants, and a radio. I really enjoyed having total silence whenever I wanted it and getting to do whatever I wanted to without criticism.



deep-techno
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04 Dec 2007, 4:44 pm

EvilKimEvil wrote:
deep-techno wrote:
What is it like being single and choosing to do so? Is it peaceful? Am I making a perfectly valid choice? I would prefer so, because I don't want to change my attitudes because they're not 'normal'.


I think you are making a valid choice if it is based on who you are and what you want.

When I was single by choice, I found it very peaceful, especially when I lived alone with only my dog, a couple of plants, and a radio. I really enjoyed having total silence whenever I wanted it and getting to do whatever I wanted to without criticism.


That's one thing I'm really looking forward to! :D


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duncansbass
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04 Dec 2007, 5:28 pm

Absolutely valid choice. I live with my teen daughter, but have no partner, don't date, and don't miss it. I would keep an open mind, because down the road you may change your mind, but otherwise being single is a very valid choice. There is no reason to change your mind unless you find that being single is no longer what YOU want for YOUR own reasons.


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sarahstilettos
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04 Dec 2007, 5:54 pm

deep-techno wrote:
I have decided that I don't want to get married when I'm older, or even have a girlfriend. I am only a teen in this sense but I'm already thinking about my independent life in years to come. I have decided that I don't want a partner because it would be too much of a compromise of my free time, money, interests and well-being. It would be too stressful raising a family of neurotypicals.

When I discuss this with my parents, they rather annoyingly say that I can be open-minded and things may change. However, I am certain that I don't want a girlfriend AT ALL. My parents say that I might meet a nice girl, but I just don't want to. That's that. I'd just like to live by myself, but I sometimes feel that my parents (and by brother to an extent) are trying to convert me to this stereotypical nucleated family lifetime. I don't want that.

I need some reassurance. What is it like being single and choosing to do so? Is it peaceful? Am I making a perfectly valid choice? I would prefer so, because I don't want to change my attitudes because they're not 'normal'.



I remember I used to feel a lot like this - I have since modified but not totally changed my opinions. I have always felt that there's something deeply f****d up about wanting to have a girlfriend/boyfriend, marry them, have children - just for the sake of it. When I think of wanting to do the first two things, (no maternal instincts yet!), there is always a specific person that I particularly want to be with. Only meeting someone special to me can make me want to have a relationship - wanting one just for the sake of being in a relationship is a bit weird.

Your choice is a perfectly valid one if it makes you happy - its hardly anyone else's business. I would suggest that you might feel very lonely, but maybe you feel that would be preferable to the stress of a relationship.



Nafydalgol
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04 Dec 2007, 6:34 pm

I agree with the above. If you are convinced that this is best for you, then it most probably is. Right now I'm single too, and have been for almost three years, and it feels great. I've been in a relationship that was basically miserable, I'm glad that's all past now and I'm perfectly happy being single again. I've decided that I will stay single all my life unless I should fall deeply in love with someone and I'm absolutely convinced that she's the one I want to be with (assuming that it's mutual). But if that doesn't happen, it wouldn't worry me at all.

So yeah, imo definitely a valid choice.



Adrie
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05 Dec 2007, 11:50 am

sarahstilettos wrote:
When I think of wanting to do the first two things, (no maternal instincts yet!), there is always a specific person that I particularly want to be with. Only meeting someone special to me can make me want to have a relationship - wanting one just for the sake of being in a relationship is a bit weird.

That ^ is how I feel about relationships as well. It's always about a specific person; otherwise what's the point? So OP, I think your choice makes perfect sense, and just because it's not typical doesn't mean it's wrong.



Brocknoth
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05 Dec 2007, 1:20 pm

You're making a valid choice. Its your life and you can do what ever you want with it.

In general the reply you'll get when you tell someone "I don't want kids, a wife, or a family. I'm satisfied with just my friends/family or being by myself" is "You say that NOW"

I'm not sure why but some people just won't accept such an answer. They find it odd. I've acutally had a few people I used to goto school with become disgusted with me when I'd tell them this.

I myself decided a long time ago that I don't want to get married or have children. Marriage just seems like it would tie me down and truth be told I'd rather avoid the heartbreak, the court sessions over property, or god knows what else if things go sour. I don't want children because I don't think I'd make a good father.

I don't mean that negatively I mean that I really don't think I'm up to such a challenge. You have to be dead certain on such a life changing decision and I've decided that I just won't be able to handle it. Its the logical choice right? If you can't raise them right then simply don't have any.

As far as the GF thing goes I'd like to experiance that kind of closeness but, if it never happens I'm ok with that. Que sera sera, such is life.


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insomniakat
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05 Dec 2007, 3:53 pm

I forgot to add that if I ever got married with someone, I would have to request my own room. :oops:


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beautifuloblivion
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05 Dec 2007, 4:33 pm

Yea, most of the time I prefer to be by myself. I thought I wanted a boyfriend until I finally got one. He was so f*****g clingy and critical of my mannerisms. I felt suffocated. I think I just want a companion who will treat me as an equal and give me space.



ThePhantomN
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06 Dec 2007, 7:20 pm

Your parents aren't trying to convert you to another view. They accept your decision, they're just informing you that when you get older, you may start liking girls, and that you may want a girlfriend. Believe me, if you're still a teen (I am too) things are different now then when your older. When you get older, you may start seeing friends of yours become parents and think that it just might be for you. Or you might just stay single and be fine with it. Your parents are just telling you that you might change your mind later, and not to be too stubborn, that's all. You dont need to have or want a girlfriend if you don't want to.



MrSinister
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07 Dec 2007, 8:42 pm

Don't let other people influence you in this regard. I'm coming to realise that being alone is my default setting, and trying to change it is an unwise choice...


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Brian003
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07 Dec 2007, 9:42 pm

I do; but no one ever lives up to my standards(Which have very little to do with looks).



Gamester
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07 Dec 2007, 9:49 pm

Well I always figure that there are bars.


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