How would you have interput this sentance?

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20 Dec 2007, 4:11 am

"I'm not talking to you anymore if you're going to be joking around."


A man and woman are in the car and the girlfriend is trying to have a serious talk but the guy keeps joking around by saying things he doesn't mean and the girl takes it all literal because she doesn't know he is joking and she gets confused and asks what does it have to do with what they're talking about and he says he is joking. The girl gets frustrated because her boyfriend always jokes around and is hardly ever serious so she tells him "I'm not talking to you anymore if you're going to be joking around."
But the guy gets mad and tells his girlfriend "That's rude."
Because he thought she would never talk to him ever again even though she clearly said she isn't going to be talking to him if he is joking around but the guy interputed it as she would never talk to him ever again.

This really did happen. The man and woman was me and my ex boyfriend (not my last one, the first one). My mom said he took it literal and I could never figure out how can you misinterput that sentence. I said "If you're going to be joking around." How could he have thought I was never going to speak to him ever again or for the rest of the day?


I have tried finding out the answer for it but never gotten any good answers or a logical explanation so I decided to bring it here since we're literal so maybe you can can help me out. How would have interputed that sentence if someone said it to you?

The sentence is literal to me because if my boyfriend wasn't going to be serious, why talk to him, it's a waste of my time. If he wants me to talk to him, he is going to have to be serious. If he is going to be joking around, I won't be talking to him. What part of "if you're going to be joking around" did he not get?

My current boyfriend told me he just wasn't listening and my current shrink said the same.



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20 Dec 2007, 5:39 am

Joking around was all he had, you were looking for depth, and there was none, never would be.

You told him he was shallow, and he was.



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20 Dec 2007, 5:58 am

Spokane_Girl wrote:
"I'm not talking to you anymore if you're going to be joking around."


A man and woman are in the car and the girlfriend is trying to have a serious talk but the guy keeps joking around by saying things he doesn't mean and the girl takes it all literal because she doesn't know he is joking and she gets confused and asks what does it have to do with what they're talking about and he says he is joking. The girl gets frustrated because her boyfriend always jokes around and is hardly ever serious so she tells him "I'm not talking to you anymore if you're going to be joking around."
But the guy gets mad and tells his girlfriend "That's rude."
Because he thought she would never talk to him ever again even though she clearly said she isn't going to be talking to him if he is joking around but the guy interputed it as she would never talk to him ever again.

This really did happen. The man and woman was me and my ex boyfriend (not my last one, the first one). My mom said he took it literal and I could never figure out how can you misinterput that sentence. I said "If you're going to be joking around." How could he have thought I was never going to speak to him ever again or for the rest of the day?


I have tried finding out the answer for it but never gotten any good answers or a logical explanation so I decided to bring it here since we're literal so maybe you can can help me out. How would have interputed that sentence if someone said it to you?

The sentence is literal to me because if my boyfriend wasn't going to be serious, why talk to him, it's a waste of my time. If he wants me to talk to him, he is going to have to be serious. If he is going to be joking around, I won't be talking to him. What part of "if you're going to be joking around" did he not get?

My current boyfriend told me he just wasn't listening and my current shrink said the same.


well the anymore confused me personally so it could be taken both ways. Maybe take out the anymore next time?



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20 Dec 2007, 8:39 am

I thought your statement was pretty clear. And I totally understand your frustration at him not getting serious enough.

So I'm not taking his side when I say this, but trying to see his motivation: usually people who joke around a lot when you're trying to be serious do it as a defense mechanism out of fear of opening up to you. And as a defensive person, he probably only heard the first part of the sentence and shut down. Even if he absorbed the second half of your sentence, he could misinterpret it as you being controlling. If you think of joking as a defense mechanism, then you can see how that sentence is the equivalent of him saying "I'm not talking to you anymore if you're going to stim the whole time" or something like that.

And if he feels the only way he can sort-of communicate is to joke around, then your statement followed through does mean you won't speak to him ever again!

If he was too immature to get over his defensive constant joking, be glad you've moved on!



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20 Dec 2007, 8:46 am

SpaceStace wrote:
I thought your statement was pretty clear. And I totally understand your frustration at him not getting serious enough.

So I'm not taking his side when I say this, but trying to see his motivation: usually people who joke around a lot when you're trying to be serious do it as a defense mechanism out of fear of opening up to you. And as a defensive person, he probably only heard the first part of the sentence and shut down. Even if he absorbed the second half of your sentence, he could misinterpret it as you being controlling. If you think of joking as a defense mechanism, then you can see how that sentence is the equivalent of him saying "I'm not talking to you anymore if you're going to stim the whole time" or something like that.

And if he feels the only way he can sort-of communicate is to joke around, then your statement followed through does mean you won't speak to him ever again!

If he was too immature to get over his defensive constant joking, be glad you've moved on!


if hes NT and not as overanalyzing as say I am he may not have a problem with it. Anymore dictates a forever type response I don't take it as subjective as other people do. As far as joking I did that too in my last relationship but only because the person who I was with didn't apperciate me so I had to let her go.



20 Dec 2007, 1:31 pm

Abangyarudo wrote:
Spokane_Girl wrote:
"I'm not talking to you anymore if you're going to be joking around."


A man and woman are in the car and the girlfriend is trying to have a serious talk but the guy keeps joking around by saying things he doesn't mean and the girl takes it all literal because she doesn't know he is joking and she gets confused and asks what does it have to do with what they're talking about and he says he is joking. The girl gets frustrated because her boyfriend always jokes around and is hardly ever serious so she tells him "I'm not talking to you anymore if you're going to be joking around."
But the guy gets mad and tells his girlfriend "That's rude."
Because he thought she would never talk to him ever again even though she clearly said she isn't going to be talking to him if he is joking around but the guy interputed it as she would never talk to him ever again.

This really did happen. The man and woman was me and my ex boyfriend (not my last one, the first one). My mom said he took it literal and I could never figure out how can you misinterput that sentence. I said "If you're going to be joking around." How could he have thought I was never going to speak to him ever again or for the rest of the day?


I have tried finding out the answer for it but never gotten any good answers or a logical explanation so I decided to bring it here since we're literal so maybe you can can help me out. How would have interputed that sentence if someone said it to you?

The sentence is literal to me because if my boyfriend wasn't going to be serious, why talk to him, it's a waste of my time. If he wants me to talk to him, he is going to have to be serious. If he is going to be joking around, I won't be talking to him. What part of "if you're going to be joking around" did he not get?

My current boyfriend told me he just wasn't listening and my current shrink said the same.


well the anymore confused me personally so it could be taken both ways. Maybe take out the anymore next time?




How was "anymore" confusing? What picture did it give you in the sentence?



20 Dec 2007, 1:47 pm

SpaceStace wrote:
I thought your statement was pretty clear. And I totally understand your frustration at him not getting serious enough.

So I'm not taking his side when I say this, but trying to see his motivation: usually people who joke around a lot when you're trying to be serious do it as a defense mechanism out of fear of opening up to you. And as a defensive person, he probably only heard the first part of the sentence and shut down. Even if he absorbed the second half of your sentence, he could misinterpret it as you being controlling. If you think of joking as a defense mechanism, then you can see how that sentence is the equivalent of him saying "I'm not talking to you anymore if you're going to stim the whole time" or something like that.

And if he feels the only way he can sort-of communicate is to joke around, then your statement followed through does mean you won't speak to him ever again!

If he was too immature to get over his defensive constant joking, be glad you've moved on!



That's what I thought too at first after a day that it happened so I asked him about it and he told me no he heard the whole thing.
It really made me mad. I asked him what did he not understand and he kept saying it was a simple misunderstanding because I thought I wasn't going to talk to him anymore and I told him yeah if he is going to be joking around and he still didn't get it. Arghhh. I thought even an aspie would get that sentence. Hopefully some diagnosed ones will answer and tell me how they would have interputed it.

Yes joking was all he ever did, he was hardly ever serious and it's hard for anyone because you never know when they are being serious. It's probably harder for us because we're literal and have problems understanding teasing and joking and sarcasm. He knew I had Aspergers and I told him I take things literal and he still joked around. He thought him not doing it to me would be him changing himself. No it's not, he can still do it to other people but not to me, if it's annoying someone, stop but he just didn't care. I thought he might have had AS too but no people kept telling me he was just an as*hole.
The guy had problems. He might be a schizophrenic too for all I know because of some of the beliefs he has (eg. our government hires someone so assassinate someone because that person knows a secret or something they shouldn't know about so that's why some people disappear and are never found. If you protest and the gov. doesn't agree what you are saying, he can send people out to arrest you and throw you in jail)
I found out last year just by reading you don't need to hear voices or see things that aren't real to be a schizo. You can have it based on your thinking pattern and that's Jeff. No wonder my mother suspected it in him.



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20 Dec 2007, 1:52 pm

Spokane_Girl wrote:
Abangyarudo wrote:
Spokane_Girl wrote:
"I'm not talking to you anymore if you're going to be joking around."


A man and woman are in the car and the girlfriend is trying to have a serious talk but the guy keeps joking around by saying things he doesn't mean and the girl takes it all literal because she doesn't know he is joking and she gets confused and asks what does it have to do with what they're talking about and he says he is joking. The girl gets frustrated because her boyfriend always jokes around and is hardly ever serious so she tells him "I'm not talking to you anymore if you're going to be joking around."
But the guy gets mad and tells his girlfriend "That's rude."
Because he thought she would never talk to him ever again even though she clearly said she isn't going to be talking to him if he is joking around but the guy interputed it as she would never talk to him ever again.

This really did happen. The man and woman was me and my ex boyfriend (not my last one, the first one). My mom said he took it literal and I could never figure out how can you misinterput that sentence. I said "If you're going to be joking around." How could he have thought I was never going to speak to him ever again or for the rest of the day?


I have tried finding out the answer for it but never gotten any good answers or a logical explanation so I decided to bring it here since we're literal so maybe you can can help me out. How would have interputed that sentence if someone said it to you?

The sentence is literal to me because if my boyfriend wasn't going to be serious, why talk to him, it's a waste of my time. If he wants me to talk to him, he is going to have to be serious. If he is going to be joking around, I won't be talking to him. What part of "if you're going to be joking around" did he not get?

My current boyfriend told me he just wasn't listening and my current shrink said the same.


well the anymore confused me personally so it could be taken both ways. Maybe take out the anymore next time?




How was "anymore" confusing? What picture did it give you in the sentence?


anymore as defined in an dictionary is more of a forever term so the more subjective use of the term would confuse me but given there is a good chance I have AS that is probably why. As defined by dictionary.com anymore means

Quote:
1. any longer.
2. nowadays; presently.


examples being:
I do not feel that way anymore (which strikes me as you felt one way but have since changed your mind

Things are not the same anymore ( the situations have changed from what they used to be)

so if I look at the sentence
"I'm not talking to you anymore if your going to be joking around"

might come off as your not going to talk to me at all due to my not taking you seriously. Of course this is just looking at the word not being there for the context it was given depending on the context I may not get that impression if I say knew more about you as a person and how you usually behave. I segement things like that and I don't know if I would pick up that it is conditional based on the 2nd part.



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20 Dec 2007, 2:01 pm

Spokane_Girl wrote:
SpaceStace wrote:
I thought your statement was pretty clear. And I totally understand your frustration at him not getting serious enough.

So I'm not taking his side when I say this, but trying to see his motivation: usually people who joke around a lot when you're trying to be serious do it as a defense mechanism out of fear of opening up to you. And as a defensive person, he probably only heard the first part of the sentence and shut down. Even if he absorbed the second half of your sentence, he could misinterpret it as you being controlling. If you think of joking as a defense mechanism, then you can see how that sentence is the equivalent of him saying "I'm not talking to you anymore if you're going to stim the whole time" or something like that.

And if he feels the only way he can sort-of communicate is to joke around, then your statement followed through does mean you won't speak to him ever again!

If he was too immature to get over his defensive constant joking, be glad you've moved on!



That's what I thought too at first after a day that it happened so I asked him about it and he told me no he heard the whole thing.
It really made me mad. I asked him what did he not understand and he kept saying it was a simple misunderstanding because I thought I wasn't going to talk to him anymore and I told him yeah if he is going to be joking around and he still didn't get it. Arghhh. I thought even an aspie would get that sentence. Hopefully some diagnosed ones will answer and tell me how they would have interputed it.

Yes joking was all he ever did, he was hardly ever serious and it's hard for anyone because you never know when they are being serious. It's probably harder for us because we're literal and have problems understanding teasing and joking and sarcasm. He knew I had Aspergers and I told him I take things literal and he still joked around. He thought him not doing it to me would be him changing himself. No it's not, he can still do it to other people but not to me, if it's annoying someone, stop but he just didn't care. I thought he might have had AS too but no people kept telling me he was just an as*hole.
The guy had problems. He might be a schizophrenic too for all I know because of some of the beliefs he has (eg. our government hires someone so assassinate someone because that person knows a secret or something they shouldn't know about so that's why some people disappear and are never found. If you protest and the gov. doesn't agree what you are saying, he can send people out to arrest you and throw you in jail)
I found out last year just by reading you don't need to hear voices or see things that aren't real to be a schizo. You can have it based on your thinking pattern and that's Jeff. No wonder my mother suspected it in him.


Scizophrenia usually includes hallucinations but also includes disorganized speech and thinking. There are people who just believe in conspiracies despite evidence to the contrary. It reeks mainly more of paranoia unless hes just not reporting his hallucinations but heres a part of wikipedia which expresses something that may be important to your situation.

Quote:
Social isolation commonly occurs and may be due to a number of factors. Impairment in social cognition is associated with schizophrenia, as are the active symptoms of paranoia from delusions and hallucinations, and the negative symptoms of apathy and avolition. Many people diagnosed with schizophrenia avoid potentially stressful social situations that may exacerbate mental distress.[6]


lets work under the guise that he doesn't have scizophrenia but has paranoid personality disorder here is the description and it may fit your ex more.

Quote:
Paranoid personality disorder is a psychiatric diagnosis that denotes a personality disorder with paranoid features. It is characterized by an exaggeration of the cognitive modules for sensitivity to rejection, resentfulness, distrust, as well as the inclination to distort experienced events. Neutral and friendly actions of others are often misinterpreted as being hostile or contemptuous. Unfounded suspicions regarding the sexual loyalty of partners and loyalty in general as well as the belief that one’s rights are not being recognized is stubbornly and argumentatively insisted upon. Such individuals can possess an excessive self-assurance and a tendency toward an exaggerated self-reference. Pathological jealousy, instinctive aggressive counter-attack, the need to control others, and the gathering of trivial or circumstantial "evidence" to support their jealous beliefs also features. The use of the term paranoia in this context is not meant to refer to the presence of frank delusions or psychosis, but implies the presence of ongoing, unbased suspiciousness and distrust of people.



20 Dec 2007, 2:14 pm

Yes anymore can mean not ever again but I had "If you're going to be joking around."

But maybe he didn't want to stop joking around and he wanted to keep on doing it so I finally tell him I won't be talking to him anymore for that and he thought never again because he would always joke. I thought if he really did take it so literal, he would have apologized and started being serious or I wouldn't talk to him.
But because he didn't want to be serious, he took it the other way.
I don't think he had respect for me. He also would try to get me to believe the same things as him and would refuse to drop the topic unless I agreed with him. Me dropping the topic was running away from my problems according to him and I told him what is there to solve. You can't get people to change their minds, you can't force people to believe what you believe, only way for us to move on was if I agreed and I am entitled to my own opinions.
Heck I even would pretend I agreed with him just so he would shut up.

I thought my ex probably had disorganized speech and thinking because he sounded incoherent when he talked and when my parents would talk to him he didn't make totally sense and it was like he wasn't there at all.

The paranoid personality disorder sounded like him but only some of it. He never tried to control me I don't think and I don't think he tried controlling others.



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20 Dec 2007, 2:27 pm

Spokane_Girl wrote:
Yes anymore can mean not ever again but I had "If you're going to be joking around."

But maybe he didn't want to stop joking around and he wanted to keep on doing it so I finally tell him I won't be talking to him anymore for that and he thought never again because he would always joke. I thought if he really did take it so literal, he would have apologized and started being serious or I wouldn't talk to him.
But because he didn't want to be serious, he took it the other way.
I don't think he had respect for me. He also would try to get me to believe the same things as him and would refuse to drop the topic unless I agreed with him. Me dropping the topic was running away from my problems according to him and I told him what is there to solve. You can't get people to change their minds, you can't force people to believe what you believe, only way for us to move on was if I agreed and I am entitled to my own opinions.
Heck I even would pretend I agreed with him just so he would shut up.

I thought my ex probably had disorganized speech and thinking because he sounded incoherent when he talked and when my parents would talk to him he didn't make totally sense and it was like he wasn't there at all.

The paranoid personality disorder sounded like him but only some of it. He never tried to control me I don't think and I don't think he tried controlling others.


well I can't really lie I was like that with my ex only because she was how you depicted your ex. I told her I'm big about respect and she really just couldn't respect me. She commonly liked to talk extensively about her feelings at the exclusion of mine like for instance the last time we talked. Most comprimises eventually went into being into her favor.

Her: But then it was like I was forced to do all these things to comprimise it wasn't fair
Me: You were only asked that because you have questionable relationships with friends. I didn't ask you to get rid of them I asked you to cut some of the parts that were disrespectful to me out.
Her: its not fair that I should have to choose between my bf and my friends (apprently she didn't read the last line.
Me: I'm sure if you felt that way it was very much similar to the fact of how when I was having a rough time and I looked to my corner you weren't around you didn't help me. Instead you took it as a oppturnity to try and point out all my flaws instead of helping me out of the rut I was in.

(this was in reference to the fact that her and her friend hang out almost exclusively alone, go to expensive resturants in a date like fashion, and occassionally sleep in the same bed with one another: hes supposed to be gay. My problem is in my views of respect I wouldn't do that and even she would be against if I slept with my only close lesbien friend)

So when conventionall reasoning fails I poke fun at the situation. It helps me not to get stressed out by the situation and sometimes it works more effectively in putting things in perspective to the other side.



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20 Dec 2007, 4:07 pm

I take the sentence literally and there is no room for interpretation. There are several possible reasons why he was offended.

1)he was being rude, you exposed it, that offended him

2)He was being defensive, anything trying to keep him on topic would offend him

3)he was being careless, you caught him, he was embarassed and lied about it

4)he was a controlling jerk that didn't care about your feelings and was dismissing your assertiveness

5)It was a true misunderstanding based on hearing incorrectly. Sometimes it takes me several minutes to fully absorb what I'm hearing. This can be checked by recalling if he had any other times where he "mis heard" or had serious brain fart. A common time for this is during ordering at a restaurant or asking for help in a store-where you may be less prepared to handle unscripted conversation. If he wasn't really on topic, then he may have been unable to engage in a meaningful way. So, he couldn't understand you at the moment, but later was able to say that he heard the whole statement.



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20 Dec 2007, 4:14 pm

KimJ wrote:
I take the sentence literally and there is no room for interpretation. There are several possible reasons why he was offended.

1)he was being rude, you exposed it, that offended him

2)He was being defensive, anything trying to keep him on topic would offend him

3)he was being careless, you caught him, he was embarassed and lied about it

4)he was a controlling jerk that didn't care about your feelings and was dismissing your assertiveness

5)It was a true misunderstanding based on hearing incorrectly. Sometimes it takes me several minutes to fully absorb what I'm hearing. This can be checked by recalling if he had any other times where he "mis heard" or had serious brain fart. A common time for this is during ordering at a restaurant or asking for help in a store-where you may be less prepared to handle unscripted conversation. If he wasn't really on topic, then he may have been unable to engage in a meaningful way. So, he couldn't understand you at the moment, but later was able to say that he heard the whole statement.


if you take it literally then she wouldn't talk to him forever if he was going to be joking around. The problem is anymore has a different meaning then what its definition is. If we go literal its forever in most situations its used in a in the moment type facilitiy. I'm not defending the guy but really I'm just saying if the point is how would I translate the sentence it would mean that she will not talk to him forever if he keeps joking around. So hence if he joked around tommorrow she wouldn't talk to him ever again. Its the difference between the acutal meaning of words and their context in social situations something people with AS sometimes have problems with.



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20 Dec 2007, 4:31 pm

It's in the subjunctive mood-which isn't used or understood much in English anymore-but it's not open to interpretation for any other context than the present one. "If you keep doing this, I will do that", you may not be doing "this", so I won't do "that".

We don't know for sure if this guy would have reacted the same way or differently if she had left out, "anymore". Really, we don't.

""I'm not talking to you, if you're going to be joking around." Is it really that different? "Anymore" seems to be signaling that she is talking and she will stop, if he continues to joke. The number of gerunds is more than necessary but it doesn't change the meaning of the sentence.



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20 Dec 2007, 5:01 pm

KimJ wrote:
It's in the subjunctive mood-which isn't used or understood much in English anymore-but it's not open to interpretation for any other context than the present one. "If you keep doing this, I will do that", you may not be doing "this", so I won't do "that".

We don't know for sure if this guy would have reacted the same way or differently if she had left out, "anymore". Really, we don't.

""I'm not talking to you, if you're going to be joking around." Is it really that different? "Anymore" seems to be signaling that she is talking and she will stop, if he continues to joke. The number of gerunds is more than necessary but it doesn't change the meaning of the sentence.


it depends its a social context thing where I understand if she said it like you said above I would take it as most likely for that day the anymore makes it seem like forever. Its not that much different but the original sentence was to be interpreted you said its clear its not clear as to how long she will stop speaking to him or for how long he should stop joking those are both things that are social context issues so can it be misinterpreted? yea did it happen in this case? who knows