Do NT/AS relationships fair better then AS/AS relationships?

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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
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10 Apr 2012, 5:23 am

Here's a strange one. The best relationship I've ever had with another human being was with my ex before my previous relationship. We were together for ten years. She was diagnosed with AS shortly after we broke up, but didn't tell me. I found out about AS sometime later from a friend who suspected he had it, and he went on to receive a diagnosis shortly after. After multiple conversations with him, I became convinced that I had AS too and have since been diagnosed myself. I told my ex that I suspected she had AS and she told me she had been diagnosed. I don't think I'll ever have a relationship like that, again.



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11 Apr 2012, 5:17 pm

NOT all Aspies are the same or deal with the same stuff & NOT all NTs are the same so my answer is that it depends on the two people in the relationship. What's important is that both people try to understand each other & work together


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11 Apr 2012, 5:28 pm

Just about all my relationships have happened to be with NTs most likely because I have either not come across another Aspie. Female Aspies are fairly difficult to find.


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11 Apr 2012, 6:37 pm

As people have said in previous posts, I do think that Aspies and NTs are really diverse and it just depends on their preferences and whether the two people have that deep connection to keep the relationship going regardless of whether both have Aspergers or one's an NT. I am an NT in a relationship with an Aspie and I find that we have a really good relationship with one another and we have great chemistry together to keep things alive. :D



IlovemyAspie
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12 Apr 2012, 3:15 pm

Quote:
NOT all Aspies are the same or deal with the same stuff & NOT all NTs are the same so my answer is that it depends on the two people in the relationship. What's important is that both people try to understand each other & work together



Quote:
As people have said in previous posts, I do think that Aspies and NTs are really diverse and it just depends on their preferences and whether the two people have that deep connection to keep the relationship going regardless of whether both have Aspergers or one's an NT.





This ^ :D



acentupleflat
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25 May 2012, 6:15 am

the 'right' person sounds better. I would tend to think NT/AS relationships would have more potential than AS/AS. You'd have a lot to learn from an NT and vice versa :D



waitykatie
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25 May 2012, 10:05 am

I'm with the majority opinion here - it depends on the two individuals, and their compatibility, commitment. and mutual acceptance and forgiveness.

I can report that two NTs - INTJ female and ISFJ male, did NOT work. The whole relationship became consumed by assuaging his perpetually hurt feelings. Mine were hurt just as much - but I felt no need to compete with him for the "biggest martyr/victim" award. This, however:

dr01dguy wrote:
with substantial overlap in their special interests can become almost instant soulmates, and remain passive low-maintenance friends for decades afterwards (meaning, neither one of you really has to DO anything to regard each other as friends forever, besides not actively harm each other. You might go for weeks or months, maybe even a few years without contact, but can instantly slip back into comfortable "friend" mode for a day or two at a time as circumstances bring you back together in a moment of common interests.

describes what it's been like for me (the INTJ female) with an AS male. I don't know what his personality type is, but we seem to have the right yin/yang. He can do amazing things that look like magic to me. I can do things that apparently look like magic to him. We can be kind of like those cats - clawing at each other with fur flying one minute, curled up and best friends the next. But the latter is our natural state, so falling back into it always comes easily. Maybe NT-INTJ + AS is the 2-INTPs analogue.

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That said, there's something else to consider: sex. I've slept with two Aspies, and was kind of disappointed both times.

Funny. My Aspie is the only man I've not been disappointed with. He's very different in bed, but I don't know if that's due to sensory issues, or if he just doesn't know any better. With so many NT men, my "job" in bed has been shore up their fragile egos and assure them they're studs. As if pretending and putting on a show for their benefit is so much fun for me. That was never necessary with my Aspie - plus, he was clear that nothing turns him off more than a contrived performance. It just works - we click. That has always made up for 90-95% of what's missing in the realm of verbal communications.

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The problems come when you make the mistake of sleeping with a crazy-hot (hystrionic & clingy) ESFJ who'll never let you forget about the "priceless gift" they gave you . . . ESFJs aren't very good at compartmentalizing and systematizing moral calculus as INTPs, and can *really* freak out when you calmly shatter their illusions of being an innocent, virginal Catholic schoolgirl in a snow-white dress...)

Sounds like my ISFJ ex-husband! What a pain!



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27 May 2012, 4:32 am

The more things two people have in common- experiences, beliefs, perceptions, interests, backgrounds, etc-
the more likely the relationship is to work.

Yeah, cool story dude bro, we had no idea everyone was different. :roll:


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27 May 2012, 9:01 am

woodsman25 wrote:
Statistics show that AS/NT relationships fail more often then NT/NT, thats all I know.

68.76% of all statistics are made up


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27 May 2012, 10:07 pm

Ive known/met female AS ppl. I don't see an difference in the relationshit....err relationships being better of not.

EDIT: not that i don't like the idea of breeding the autistic race 8)


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nick007
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27 May 2012, 11:10 pm

waitykatie wrote:
dr01dguy wrote:
with substantial overlap in their special interests can become almost instant soulmates, and remain passive low-maintenance friends for decades afterwards (meaning, neither one of you really has to DO anything to regard each other as friends forever, besides not actively harm each other. You might go for weeks or months, maybe even a few years without contact, but can instantly slip back into comfortable "friend" mode for a day or two at a time as circumstances bring you back together in a moment of common interests.

describes what it's been like for me (the INTJ female) with an AS male. I don't know what his personality type is, but we seem to have the right yin/yang. He can do amazing things that look like magic to me. I can do things that apparently look like magic to him. We can be kind of like those cats - clawing at each other with fur flying one minute, curled up and best friends the next. But the latter is our natural state, so falling back into it always comes easily. Maybe NT-INTJ + AS is the 2-INTPs analogue.

Me & my 1st girlfriend had a lot of the same interest; we met on a forum for em. She was an NT but had some similar issues I had(she had sever dyslexia, ADHD & some minor OCD; I'm dyslexic, have some problems focusing & bad OCD at times). We connected extremely well & were fast best friends but our personality types were incomparable amongst other things; I'm a hard-core ISTJ especially on the J & she was an ISTP. I take relationships extremely seriously & she didn't. My 2nd girlfriend was an Aspie & her personality type was an INTJ. Her personality in our relationship was like an extreme version of the stereotypical independent Aspie girl & my relationship personality is kind of opposite of the stereotypical Aspie guy. Lots of our strengths/weaknesses & other differences that I had thought balanced us out well became major problems after a while. I'm not sure if my current girlfriend is an Aspie or not but she does have some AS issues/traits/characteristics. I'm not sure what her personality type is but we have a lot of the same strengths/weaknesses but have some very different interest & our relationship is going very well. Us having similar strengths/weaknesses is not bad at all because a lot of those weaknesses aren't really weaknesses in our relationship because we both relate to each other & are on the same wave-length about our relationship.


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28 May 2012, 8:10 pm

Well I met a lovely man who is NT, never been happier, he was diagnosed as having AS a few weeks ago. LMAO so we are AS/AS and had no idea until recently haha!! We are happier together then Prior to when we met or knew each other. Its like finally we arent hiding behind masks, we can be our selves with each other, with no reservations, we spend a lot of time together, we talk for hours, in depth, about so many different things, we are fully comparable. AS affects us in similar ways. I would not say we lack empathy towards each other, or have problems communicating. I have problems communicating with NT's, not people with AS. - missy



Quantum_Immortal
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29 May 2012, 8:58 am

i think every one here should read this.

http://www.jamesmw.com/sixrules.htm


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LauraM
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30 May 2012, 11:23 am

I am in an interesting situation right now, as I am sure I was an Aspie as a kid, but I've grown past SO much I'm almost NT. My boyfriend right now is quite the Aspie. He's so sincere and sweet it's overwhelming. I never doubt his sincerity which means a lot, because I struggle with people suspicious of people's intentions. He doesn't mind that I'm a nerd, or that I'm a size 16 (American size), or that I live in America (he lives in Australia). He's willing to overcome the challenges we face, and that's a lot for him. I have to give him credit for taking the risk.

Before him I did date an NT (as far as I know) and he was devoted and caring, but he was too different from me in spiritual beliefs, and that just made me almost depressed. So I had to let him go. I learned you have to have the core belief system in common to be able to deal with any other challenges.
People are more than their diagnosis and they are capable of a lot more than we give them credit for. I'm not from the school that says Aspie's can't date, so I say research, be willing to change, be open to others interests, and learn from other people. Having Asperger's makes us unique but we can't think we're superior. We can connect with people if we want to, and are willing to work on it. In that we CAN have good relationships. :)


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