Being percieved as either cutesy or dangerous. GRR.

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xrenegadexsadizt
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26 Dec 2007, 4:54 pm

First of all, hi. I'm new here.

Here's something which has been bugging the heck out of me for a while now--it seems like a lot of people in my life have either seen me as cutesy/quaint/childlike/insubstantial or dangerous/deranged/scary, because I'm autistic and I also have Tourette's Syndrome (though my TS has gotten less extreme over the years.) Now, I know I'm not a cute, childish person. I'm eighteen, I have facial hair, I like to talk about heady subjects, and I don't consider myself naive. I do NOT act like some kind of man-child.

The problem is, many people seem to EXPECT me to behave that way, by nature of my obviously neuro-atypical being. I'm fidgety, my voice tone is a little odd, I have a lot of physical sensitivities that are out of the norm, I'm socially awkward and anxious...that whole thing. People start reacting to me as if I'm this cute little thing, and (because I've had a lifetime of forced internalization, unfortunately,) I start reacting accordingly, which leaves me mentally kicking myself afterwards. I don't know what irks me more, the fact that people do this, or my own knee-jerk acceptance of their prejudices.

I've tried to work against this internalized infantilization, but therein lies another problem. When I DON'T fall in line of people's expectations, they then seem to think of me as a threat. If I'm not adorable and darling, then I'm someone to be feared or worried about. Why does it have to be this way? Why can I not just be seen as an unusual adult?

I'm very vehement about this issue, which is why I sound so furious. I hate this, and I don't want to succumb to this crap for the rest of my life.

--Ray



SapphoWoman
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26 Dec 2007, 5:25 pm

What do you do that's "cutesy"?



xrenegadexsadizt
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26 Dec 2007, 5:45 pm

SapphoWoman wrote:
What do you do that's "cutesy"?


That's the problem. Almost nothing.

Okay, so sometimes I have a stuffed animal who I have with me (it's a long and sordid story,) but he's usually in my messenger bag at all times. Other than that, I do not know why people look at me as being childlike--which is why I think people are being prejudiced.

When people treat me that way and I start acting according to their expectations, then I sort of act...cartoonish. Though that is not who I am.



SapphoWoman
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26 Dec 2007, 5:51 pm

Yes, a stuffed animal seems juvenile.

If you don't want to act cartoony, maybe just try to "pause" before you react, and hold back.



Flow
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26 Dec 2007, 7:04 pm

People always think that I'm a lot younger than I am, even when I don't act immature. It might just be because I look young though.

My boered face can also look like a scowl, so I can how people can be scared of me as some people are. One one of my teachers told me that he had been afraid of me.


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26 Dec 2007, 7:53 pm

I seem to be perceived as innocent or naive by adult females. I seem to be perceived as dangerous or threatening my adult males. I seem to be perceived as just plain weird by teens and children say I am boring.

I get told I am lots of things...but atleast none of you have been called a serial killer before...I have :roll:.


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poopylungstuffing
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26 Dec 2007, 8:05 pm

I am defintely perceived as cutesy by some and strange, neurotic and/or crazy by others...I think....

I recall this female bartender at the bar owned by Flakey's parents prompting me to say curse words because she could not imagine me being capable of cursing....it felt remotely patronising.

I don't mind being perceived as "cutesy" so much...I am sorta cutesy...

.I do dislike being handled with kid gloves or spoken to like I am a child....I feel bad when some people feel the need to avoid me so as to not get stuck in a conversation with me...(or that is how I have perceived it)



SeaBright
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26 Dec 2007, 9:04 pm

You have dark almond shaped eyes?



(It's in the NT guide to criminal identification..as "suspicious")

:oops:

You might try switching to blue contacts and watch the reaction change in the population. But not the more attractive darker blue ones as they would accent the seriousness with life that translates through your eyes to begin with.

sorry! (somewhat seriously)

It is AMAZING the criteria by which one man judges another based upon outwardness's not at all reflective.

I started to notice after long patterns of observation, that the species reacts most certainly WELL to me when I am in a state of sickness; and very odd indeed when I am functioning like a stellar machine. It made me very sad for the world. Who are THEY to say such about you? On their own growing path, I believe.

Who is right?


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26 Dec 2007, 9:29 pm

Heh, I regularly get picked on by my mate, and I give it back, I know when he's messing around - we basically "trash talk", but his girlfriend (also my friend) keeps going to him "Oh don't be mean, she's only little", and it's like wtf.. I'm bigger than her, and I'm in control of the situation.

I have a feeling because she knows I'm autistic she thinks I'm this little thing that needs to be taken care of. Really hacks me off. I'm autistic; I'm not mentally retarded. Come to think about it, I might just say that next time.

Then she comes up to me and gives me a hug, and I keep thinking "uh.. you know I don't like hugs". But she treats me like a child. She goes "aww" a lot, when I don't understand something or mess something I say up. If I don't understand, it's probably because it hasn't been explained to me. Saying "aww" isn't going to help.

UGH

/endrant

I know what you mean. My eye contact (or lack thereof) doesn't help me when I'm being interrogated or in shops. I am regularly watched in shops because they think shifty eyes = thief.


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dongiovanni
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27 Dec 2007, 12:00 am

HI RAY!! !!

You know my opinions here, despite the fact that technology is failing us in our attempts to communicate. f**k society and the like.

P.S. Post a "Hello" thread in "Getting to know each other". I'm going to do the same.

To LadyMacbeth:
Autistic/Mental Retardation Sentiment seconded. I remember the shock some upperclassmen endured when they heard me speak in class and realised that I was actually a cognitive powerhouse (I'm so happy that I understand Wagner).

Re: Huggy friend
She knows you don't like hugs. Next time she does it, tell her to get off of you. If she refuses, make her get off of you. Forced physical contact is never okay (even among Neurotypicals) and warrants physical resistance.

To others:
This is a friend of mine. I encourage all whom I know (of which only LadyMacbeth has posted on this thread thus far) to welcome him warmly.


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