Do You Feel You Are Behind in Life?

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I feel very far behind by the standards the current culture has put forth. Dropped out of college, cannot drive, never held a job, still live with guardians...
But despite all this, I still have dreams and goals that I always try to work on whenever strong enough to clear despair off the path.

I'm behind in life, but i don't want to dwelve into it..

Keep in mind that the fact that you live at home gives you the opportunity to "catch up" with these things that many people are unable to.

I guess in some ways I feel behind. I just turned eighteen and have never had a job and I do not hold a driver's licence.

However, I'm not really impeded by not driving as I take the train to school (more conveniently than a car would) and I instead want get a motorcycle license and buy a Vespa motor scooter. I also plan to get a part-time job at or near my university to help me save for graduate school. I think I am "ahead" in the sense that I started college a year early, am extremely ambitious and plan to be a scientist. While I am "immature" in some senses, I think, overall, I have it together more than most kids my age.

Yes. All of my former classmates probably have driver's licenses, a boyfriend/girlfriend and a job by now. They'll be graduating high school next year. I feel like a failure compared to them, but my mom says that success for me is measured in other ways.

I'm 27 but I feel emotionally like I'm 17. I think I allowed my parents to do things for me for too long and now I don't even have the motivation to do things. I get so bored with my life. I hate jumping through hoops. I'm extremely shy/introverted and I have no real self identity. I'm intelligent, yet I feel naive and clueless.

I'm going to be 30 in a month, and I haven't been able to complete any educational course successfully since high school (so that's A-Levels, 2 colleges and 2 degrees I've dropped out of/failed since 16). I've been unemployed most of my life, and only had part time agency jobs when I have been working. I moved out of my parents house at the end of last year, I don't have a driving licence, I have very few friends I keep in touch with, and in relationships I'm in the unpleasant situation of being emotionally compatible with someone around 14-16, intellectually compatible with someone 45+ and seeming like a freak in one way or another If I try and satisfy either one of those requirements.

Life hasn't progressed much in the last decade, but I think now I'm mature enough to start doing things more on my own, so I'm applying to go back to University this September, where hopefully I'll have more luck in relationships (more likely to meet fellow aspies at Uni). I wasn't diagnosed all the previous times I tried education, so this time I should have a lot more support (financially too, as disabilities mean I can stay on housing benefit, as I'm not likely to get a 3rd loan after dropping out twice). If I stay on and do a Masters I may have matured enough after 4 years to hold down a job, or I could just stay in Uni doing research.

I was behind my friends family and everyone else in life until age 38. Finally I figured out how to manage my anger and stopped listening to fools who called me ret*d because of my autism inspired traits. Now I have a job I love where I am doing much better in every way compared to all the people who once used to call me a ret*d!

I even speak at schools and other places where people need to see that positive wildly successful outcomes are possible for some people on the autism spectrum.

Moral Is.

Just because this Autistic Old Gray Wolf is low on the neurotypical bell shaped curve today does not mean he won't be on the high side of the bell shaped curve ahead tomorrow.

Last edited by Alphawolf on 07 Jan 2008, 12:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

This is just my humble opinion, for what it's worth: Life is about being happy; not about following someone else's timeline. I didn't finish college until I was 38. I didn't drive a car until I was 25. I did what was right for me and my family, not what someone else told me I should be doing at a certain age.
My son is 25 and just finished college. He has only been working about 6 months. In the meantime, his friends graduated years ago, got married and have toddlers. They have houses--he won't have the prospect of owning a home for several years. Who cares? He is happy and it's not about timelines and measuring up to other peoples' standards.
I was raised by parents who thought that if you didn't meet a certain goal by a certain age, you were doomed: four years of college, then marriage, then one single career for your whole life, kids along the way, etc.
Well, I am sure glad I didn't listen to my parents on some things. I interrupted my college career to travel (horror of horrors to my parents!) I sure took longer than the requisite 4 years to finish! But I was and am happy because it is MY life, and any successes or mistakes I made are all my own. I also believe that the happiest people do more than one thing in their life. Who says you have to pick a career at age 18 and then work only at that until you are 65? Do whatever interests you, if you can. If you hate what you are doing, try something else. If what you are doing is not working out, try to make a change.
If you are not happy, is there something constructive you can do to make your life better, even in a small way?
I always have to have a goal, something to work toward, even if it is a small thing.
At the end of the day, I want to have said that I accomplished something (even if was just getting my dishes done), that I had a pretty good day, that I am safe and comfortable and that tomorrow is another day all my own with infinite possibilities.

In every way that I can think of I am far behind others of my age.

I'm 23 and I still live at home.

I have never had a romantic relationship.

I have no friends.

I am unemployed and I have never been employed in my home country for more than a month. I did get a job in a foreign country which I held down for 8 months but I had to leave when I became metally unwell.

I am usually depressed, paranoid and occasionally delusional and I have to take medication to sleep. I also take medication to make me happy but this isn't working (obviously). I am very unhealthy physically too due to my inactivity and general self-neglect.

I have about 2,900 Euro in the bank from my foreign adventure but this is slowly evaporating due to the cost of the medication and treatment that is supposed to make me happy but isn't.

I have got a college degree in a useless subject which I've almost completely forgotten (Latin and Ancient Greek). This is almost as bad as not having a degree as people have "expectations" of someone who has a degree especially when the subject is esoteric and obscure.

I lack any motivation to improve my circumstances and am wallowing in misery and self-pity waiting for a miracle to happen.

I am extremely negative and cynical. In this way I'm probably ahead of people my age as I had the hope and optimism crushed out of me early on.

I accept that it could be worse. I could be in prison,in a mental hospital, homeless, blind, deaf, an alcoholic, anorexic, anaemic, etc.

I hope the above doesn't depress anyone. And yes this is a rant.

Somewhat. I've been working on my bachelor's degree at a pretty causal rate (I will probably have my degree in the spring of 2010, which will be one year longer then most Biochemistry majors take (the Biochemistry major usually takes 5 years for most people to complete) to prevent stress and meltdowns. I have trouble holding down a low-pay service industry "McJob" because of my poor social skills and my sensory issues and I don't have the ability to do hard manual labor and thus I work through a job-coaching agency that contracts clients with mental and physical problems out to job sites (I work in a preschool kitchen, witch isn't too bad, and the kids are adorable. ) along with job coaches to help in problem areas (such as my social skills). Though I've heard that the local bookstore is hiring and such a job is something that goes well with my AS and OCD and so I am think of applying there; I'm a regular customer so many of the employees there know me already, which should help me get the job.

Back when I was a job counselor, I would tell my clients that the best jobs come from companies that are not hiring.

Well, I think some people would think so. I get told I'm "immature" a lot, because even though I just turned 26, I relate better to people who are college age or just out of high school than I do to people my own age (which, to be fair, is really only a couple years older than your average college grad). I didn't go to college and I work in a dog boarding kennel, which some people don't consider a grown-up job. But I look at it this way: when I was diagnosed, my parents were told I might never live on my own or support myself; that the best I could probably do was live in a group home or something. But now I do a lot of things they said I couldn't-- I drive a car, I pay rent, I hold a job that supports me, and I'm in a healthy "adult" relationship- semi-adult anyway- I mean we have tickle fights and make silly jokes but what's wrong with that (and she's a non-Aspie too)

Sounds like me all up to my 25 years (had never worked till after my 25th birthday).
I moved out when I was still 23 (I think) but only because my parents could buy me small flat.
I studied something I don't necessarily like because I was for years told I would otherwise starve; now I'm getting crap jobs anyway (while it's true, say, a math teacher at a public university here earns less than 300 dollars a month and that some are driving cabs - my situation is still not that great in comparison). My current work experience is worthless and has probably shortened my lifespam due to mobbing-related stress.
Never had a girlfriend till after my 26th birthday and I she lives very far away.
I don't have any real friends (unless I take into account some dude I've been discussing game design ideas over the last 5 years. . . online) and I don't think I'll be making any soon.

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I find it weird that my parents don't seem freaked out at all about this. My dad says things like "don't worry, you've barely started", "you never know", etc