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Norah_W
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10 Jan 2008, 2:21 am

I survived the holiday gathering we had at work, though I think that people got to know me more and realized even morer that they don't like me. Now they have decided to have a Mardi Gras party at the beginning of February (the owner's wife is from New Orleans). Again, ti probably would look funny not to go. I can't understand why they keep doing this--from the way the owner acts, and even his wife sometimes (she works there too), they don't even like us very much, and that includes the NT's as well. Why do they want to spend any time at all with us outside of work? I guess maybe they think it'll make us work harder, I'm not sure.

It's just crazy--the last job I worked they never invited us to anything except a lunch at work during the Christmas/Hanukah/New Year's season. We didn't even have to sit together if we didn't want to--we could just go and sit at our desks to eat or small groups could sit together. And I don't think anyone minded this either--of course the employees or at least some of them were friends and had gatherings, but no one seemed to complain that the bosses didn't have big company gatherings.

The thing with these kinds of gatherings is that even though they can't require us to go, if someone doesn't go that'll probably be a black mark against that person and if they are in any danger of being fired that will hasten the firing (of course they can't say they're firing someone for not going to their party, but they can say they're laying them off for lack of work, or because they are going in another direction and don't need someone with thier particular skill set any longer.

But for someone like me who is already disliked by nearly everyone, it's just more of a chance for more people to get to know me and dislike me even more.



Greentea
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11 Jan 2008, 1:41 pm

work social gatherings are my biggest fear. I dread them, have to attend them, do very badly in them, and I'm sure it's one of the reasons I'm fired later on. No one talks to me at the gatherings and my oddity is made all the more obvious. They're a nightmare to me.

I had a whole week of work social events this week and I'm feeling horrible about it. I made many social blunders and I'm sure this is going to have long-term negative consequences for me.

Social functions related to work are my tragedy and disgrace.


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the_incident
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11 Jan 2008, 1:59 pm

Luckily I have a very understanding boss.

She just decided to invite several of her people out to lunch, just to be nice. I explained to her that situations like that make me extremely nervous and although I appreciated the offer, I would not be attending. It felt good to just be up-front about it, rather than claim I was too busy or didn't feel good.


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Dino_Poop
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17 Jan 2008, 12:39 pm

A while back my division had a big gathering. There was a town hall type meeting before had which my boss made mandatory, then a reception afterwards which was optional. I went to the reception for the free drinks and food, plus having never been inside a night club (It was at Club Paris in Orlando) I wanted see what one was like. I hung out with the deaf guy while having my two drinks then slipped behind a curtain and out the service entrance and have not been to another one since. My motto is "Be unobtrusive and get out as quickly as possible!"



mariee
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06 Feb 2008, 2:25 pm

Although I hate social gatherings with a passion as well, I've found that I hate one on one meetings even more! But only if it's with someone I don't know very well (which I guess would be everyone besides my husband and my family lol)

We recently got a new manager at work and she is trying hard to be liked by everyone. She told me she wanted to take me out for lunch, just her and me, just to get to know me. I couldn't think of a more excruciating experience, so I basically said I would check my schedule and get back with her, hoping that if I didn't get back with her she would forget about it lol. Well she didn't forget and kept bugging me until I relented and went with her. I'm sure she thought I was the most boring, shy person in the world. The only thing that salvaged the whole thing was that she is really nice and has an outgoing personality, so I didn't have to try AS hard as I usually do to talk with people.

At least at social gatherings you can try to blend in and the pressure is not on only you to do the talking.



lotuspuppy
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09 Feb 2008, 5:49 pm

I actually like professional social gatherings much better than other social situations. Work gatherings are much more structured, and conversation is quite formulaic, too. The vast majority of things are work-related anyhow.



Norah_W
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14 Feb 2008, 6:38 pm

lotuspuppy wrote:
I actually like professional social gatherings much better than other social situations. Work gatherings are much more structured, and conversation is quite formulaic, too. The vast majority of things are work-related anyhow.


NOt where I work--people usually don't talk about work much at the social things. Even the owners usually talk about other things. I would really like to be able to talk about other things too, but I'm just no good at it. I was sick so actually missed the one I posted this about, but since then we've had a couple things during the day in the office, and the only people that talk to me are the people that work with me in accounting. And I've got so I'm afraid to talk to anyone else. I know that part of the reason people aren't talking to me is 1. they don't see me much since accounting was moved to a different floor all by ourselves and 2. I'm not talking to them either, so if they notice me at all, they probably just think I don't want to talk. Also 3. I'm a lot older than some of them, and not very good-looking.



jack127597
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27 Feb 2008, 3:12 pm

I always used to hate going to the holiday parties, I never knew what to do with myself. I would talk about work, just sit alone, I never even used to drink. I didn't even go for a few years.

This year I happened to be seeing a nice girl so we went together, and I thought I was *on*. Of course, being me, I picked the empty table in the corner, but other people came over, and we had great non-work conversation, I thought it went great.

That was the last time I saw that girl, think she met someone else a few days later, still don't know what happened :/



azpoetchris
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27 Feb 2008, 9:36 pm

Norah_W wrote:
2. I'm not talking to them either, so if they notice me at all, they probably just think I don't want to talk. Also 3. I'm a lot older than some of them, and not very good-looking.


I can definitely relate to this. It seems like we have similar work related issues in common. :( I know what it's like, to feel alone in a group because I don't fit in and my differences are outwardly noticeable in what I say (or don't say), how I dress, how I carry myself, my lack of eye contact, and other quirks associated with AS. I also have the same issue as you: being older than my co-workers and not being very good looking (probably by their standards). :nerdy: Needless to say, I often become anxious and stressed during social gatherings at work. I'd rather be alone somewhere than 'boxed in' with a group of people I don't feel much connection with... other than sharing office space for 8 hours a day.


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gypsyRN
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29 Feb 2008, 3:27 am

I really dread work parties, because it seems like coworkers' worst characteristics shine though. Who can spend 2 hours talking about expensive purses, manicures, and their significant others? My coworkers can! b o r i n g Not to mention meaningless, vapid, idiotic, and petty.

It's even worse to go attend someone else's company function, where you have to make hours of small talk. Small talk is one skill I don't think I'll ever master. 5-10 minutes is one thing...an hour or more? Sheer torture. If I know something like that is coming up, I'll actually practice conversations, and make lists of things to talk about. I'll watch the stupid TV shows & sports in the week leading up to it, because that's what people like to talk about! ...siiiiigh...