Tact, what's the point?

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Tactful: "This is too small on you."


Tactless: "You're too fat for this."

Last edited by Ana54 on 11 Jan 2008, 11:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

What good is "tact"??

In philosophical terms or practical?

Tact allows us not to hurt others needlessly. Sometimes people need to be told a brutal truth, either for their own good or for the world in general.

In practical terms, in my experience it's damned hard to get laid unless you can master tact.

Peace out.

I've gotten better at tact.

With a swift kick in the arse!! !

Tact is a way of letting others know if you care about them,by going out of your way
to let them down gently instead of sounding honest to the point of being brutal.

NTs can usually tell if you're lying by your body language and facial expressions,but
they'll appreciate the fact you've made an effort to use words that are diplomatic.

Sometimes I ask things wanting an honest answer so I can improve on it in future and people just say "thats great" or the like. It offers no constructive criticism, so annoying. When someone asks me if they look good in something I really wouldnt know so just answer with a yes.

I recently realized that I have none; I don't go out of my way to speak how my mind wishes to (curse here, there and everywhere), but I don't have the ability to care if the blunt truth hurts people.

I'll speak the truth every time; it's not my fault if one cannot handle such (for example, I can easily turn it around and say that people are too sensitive, and it's they who need to change how they interact).

I see no point in it, just as I see no point in lying; even if I saw the point, I cannot change how I interact due to who I am.

Ed, asking if someone wants a diplomatic answer or an honest one immediately negates tact.. It points out that you are going to speak at odds with your feelings either way.

I'm very crap at tact.

A friend of mine asked me if they were fat (A girl of course this was. You don't really know any boys who would ask me this).

And my response was:

"No, you're not fat. You're just chubby. There's nothing wrong with that."

To which response, she went through some kind of stage of bullemia and the desire to run every night and every morning.

3 words to say to this:

"WHAT-THE-FUCK?!"

1st people tell you to "be yourself"

I be myself, and speak my mind and never lie, and this is what happens.

What the f**k am I supposed to do? lol.

I find this reasoning a bit faulty. No matter how you wish to interpret it (either "It's my fault for not knowing how to be tactful" or "It's their fault for being too sensitive") either way you ARE going to have to reap the consequences of your actions, whether you think it's your fault or theirs.

Consistent brutal honesty usually does not win acquaintances or friends nor does it usually breed pleasantness between people. So if you turn people off by being purposefully tactless, then I'm afraid the reality is it doesn't matter whose fault it is.

When it comes down to it, no matter how ridiculous one may think social customs are, or how much of a waste of time they are, they were formed for an evolutionary reason and being that these little rituals are the majority, one cannot avoid them or the consequences of not attempting to understand them.

If one is incapable of being tactful, that is one thing. If one realizes one is tactless and could actually change this behavior, then this is using one's diagnosis as an excuse not to adapt or improve onself. To help yourself.

On the flipside, there are many nonautistics who play this game so much, are so fake in their interactions, that they actually achieve similar results and turn people off and prevent honest and close relationships.

Last edited by Sophist on 12 Jan 2008, 12:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That is exactly why I've been training myself to be much more tactful about a woman's physical appearance. Our society's f****d up obsession with a woman's physical appearance leads to not being tactful causing women to get Anorexia, Bullemia, or other body image disorders.

Whether you answer a question sugar-coated with tact or with brutal honesty depends if that person is genuinely asking a question about themselves, or if they just want their ego stroked.

I'd tell her she's just horizontally challenged.

Last edited by zendell on 12 Jan 2008, 12:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think tact is something people have to learn. When I was a kid, none of the other kids used tact. They called other kids fatso, ret*d, slow, stupid, etc. NTs socialize more so they learn tact sooner. They learn that women ask how they look, not because they want an honest opinion, but because they want to feel better about themselves. If you socialize more often, you will learn more social rules, and become better at socializing.

I don't think lack of tact is an aspie thing. I think it's the natural result of not having enough experience in social situations. It occurs more often among aspies because aspies socialize less.

Back when I had friends (all of them NTs) I used to hate it when they'd call me to discuss an issue that was bothering them and ask for my insight. Invariably, they'd distance from me after the conversation because my insight wasn't what they wanted to hear. Then why call me to "discuss"? Call me to go to the theater instead ! !! Nowadays when someone asks for my insight or wants to discuss a problem they have, I make sure to lie through my teeth and say only cliches like "Be more trusting, everything will be all right, just give it a chance, you think too much", etc. etc. At least that way I don't make an enemy.

I agree with that.

Or even.

More to love.