How do you tell if a girl's out of your league?

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It's all in the title really!

How do you tell if a girls too attractive for you? Any advice/ideas?

Last edited by Mark198423 on 13 Jan 2008, 2:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

if I find her pretty in anyway she's way out of my league

You feel like your dwarfed by her in life experience, social skills, guile, you feel like your a little kid talking to an adult. Real nasty feeling, especially when your struggling to meet someone on the level, talk to them as an equal, and sinking feeling in your gut is just growing. Often times as well if they like you that much and your blowing it, things may turn around and they'll crack up and giggle over that difference like its adorable - all the while you feel like you could throw up just off of how pissed you are at yourself for letting the dynamic get that bad (for me when this has happened its been lockup from aspie overload as the biggest cuprit). When I first became real aware of all this I felt like a lot of NT women, when I had a straight conversation with them I felt like I was talking to the architect from The Matrix, they're that steep and that diesel with words and social presence; it scared the hell out of me that I'd even feel that way about it just because of what it told me about myself.

Short answer: No girls are too attractive for you.

I'm wondering more about before you know them, how can you tell before you approach someone?

I don't think thats true from what I see everywhere. Less attractive people are more often than not with other less attractive people and likewise for attractive people - couples are often of a similar attraction level.
Does nature naturally make us attracted primarily to people of a similar level or do people chose to settle?

I often feel the people I'm attracted to wouldn't look twice at me, which obviously doesn't help get the right frame of mind to attempt anything so if anyony has any imput i'd appreciate it!

I don't think you can tell who may or may not be interested in you, based on physical appearance. Depending on your interests and values, you may be able to make a few predictions. Let's say you don't watch TV, hate popular music, and spend a lot of time playing Magic: The Gathering. A girl who looks like she just walked off a photo shoot for Vanity Fair is probably not going to be interested in someone like that... it's more likely that she'll want to spend time with a guy who is really into pop culture and the status quo, like her.

But still, there's no guarantee.

Really? I see so many exceptions to this rule, it really shouldn't even count as a rule. Plus it seems like you're saying that you find the popular ideal to be your own ideal as well, but not everybody feels that way. A lot of people have their own standards of attractiveness. I don't see that it corresponds with their own social standing either.



I know it's hard to muster confidence... I don't have much advice to help with that, but I bet you're being pessimistic and selling yourself short. I can't tell you how many times I've crushed on guys who were too shy to look at me. Or how many times I've seen girls checking out (or hitting on) guys who are totally oblivious to it and say that girls don't like them.

Has anything in particular given you this impression? Where are you trying to meet women?

I've also known all kinds of guys who were very much into geeky things and who seemed to do great - then again they were also very NT, very smooth, and when it came down to it everything kinda receded before that; they were able to make anything they did cool just because they owned it. I've had people tell me thats attitude but still, part of its having the right look yourself not to mention capability - physically showing, just through gestalt, high alpha potency (alpha in the socially refined 'I can handle anyone and anything' sort of sense).

I agree that league has less to do with it than your comfort with a person but still, if your capabilities aren't up to the same level as theirs - it'll gets people in the end every time unless they're ready and willing to accept a really strange roll in the relationship.

Back at Mark: I think you have to just bite the bullet, talk to people, continue to get yourself out there, and when things are wrong you'll know it just from the feel of things. While leagues are there in the bigger picture you also have styles of interaction, preferences, etc. and you'll see that most easily just by what you bring out of her when you talk to her. On the other end, when things do go sideways and your given a vibe that anything more than just being friendly is you being out of line - don't take it personally as much as that its just a bad fit. If what's tripping the interaction up is something you really don't like about yourself either - do what you can to better yourself out of it and if its beyond your thresholds, if you literally can't, the challenge becomes learning to give yourself enough dignity to see it as a mismatch rather than looking down at yourself. We all have different paths in life, some of them are easier than others just like some of them can be a lot more f'd up than others - then again with genetics being what they are its a dice roll; you could have just as easily been anyone else and they could have just as easily been you.

Oh, definitely. Me, too. But I don't consider the kind of girl I described to be better than other types of girls--just pop-culture obsessed. When I see a geeky guy with a beautiful woman, she's usually pretty interesting and brainy herself (and not dying to have the lastest Gucci bag).



Agreed. But again, this seems to imply a pretty rigid standard of attractiveness, in which the only really beautiful girls are those who are both super social and intimidating in their style of dress, hair, makeup, etc.

Anything else is pretty hard to come by in general though. The first seems to be followed by the second and third, and the exceptions are very difficult to meet unless you have an interest thats real typical and fitting of a real artsy or intellectual crowd. The funny thing is if a guys wise he doesn't want the most visually striking girl out there, he wants someone who he can feel attracted to enough not to have his own gut level mechanics have him acting flaky and hopefully find the sort of interests and personality that he'd need on her side for things to be healthy and for her to enjoy his company as much as he enjoys hers - even if your chasing after something that modest though, its a hard world in this respect and so much of it is the luck of the draw on his biology, who he is, and what is body and mind will allow him to be. The more flex room you have to work with the better, sometimes you have it and sometimes you don't.

I'm not saying that at all! I go for lots of different types but I just can't do anything with anyone I don't find attractive. I don't think I could ever settle.



Nothing in particular. Maybe it's just my lack of actually going for it for so long. Recently anyone I've got with has made the move. The only places I'm going really are pubs/clubs & occassional house parties.

Definitely don't settle.



It sounds like you're getting some measure of attention, which is a good sign, even if it's not from the ones you want.

I really don't know what I'm talking about though, when it comes to social interaction inside a club. I wish for the sake of the guys here that there were better places to go about meeting people (by "better" I mean easier to navigate for aspies). Being in a relationship with a nice, pretty girl is something that aspies can be really good at... but jumping through all the hoops to get there looks really hard and I can see why a guy would second guess himself a lot in that scenario. I can barely keep my wits gathered at the grocery store, where there's no loud music or colored lights and the conversation usually follows the same script. I bet you learn a lot of valuable skills hanging out like that though, over time.

Don't worry about it.

It's really her concern if you are out of her league, not yours... you really have no control over it.

Perhaps you'll get lucky and find an attractive girl that doesn't care about a guys looks so much. Or maybe you have really no sense about how attractive you really are.

Just don't get too down if you are rejected.

Strangely I like the aura that surrounds girls that aren't super attractive, I just feel like I can connect and relate to them better. And I find the homely girls more attractive than the model types.

But anyways, being too beautiful to you shouldn't be a reason to not at least try to talk with a girl. In fact if you are nervous around her, use it as an opportunity to get comfortable talking to beautiful women.

I think no average, meaning not a celebrity, person is out of your league. Everyone has positive and negative qualities and look for different things.