Problems talking with people affecting my life -- long post

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I'm having significant issues in communicating with people. I have Asperger's syndrome, and I've never really been a big fan of talking to people, but lately, I've been going out of my way to not talk to people. Sam will ask me if I can go downstairs and visit his mom and her SO (they live in the same apartment complex as we do), and, usually, I don't, or I'll be very reluctant to do so, and he thinks I don't like them. It's not that I don't like them. I think they're both very nice, intelligent people. I just feel uncomfortable talking to them because, first of all, I feel uncomfortable talking to anyone but Sam, and second of all, I barely know them and I don't know what to talk about. We just moved here in October. Usually, when I'm anywhere with Sam, he does all the talking, and I add input occasionally or answer a question if I'm asked, but that's it. If he needs to leave for some reason, and I'm left alone with that person, I think, "Please come back! I can't talk to this person!" and it's very awkward for me until he comes back. It's not just his family that I have problems talking to; it's my own family, as well. I haven't talked to anyone in my family on the phone in ages, and I hardly ever email them.

I was bullied a lot as a child and emotionally abused by my parents, so I know this has a lot to do with it. In junior high and high school, every one of my friends was diagnosed with a mental disorder. It was hard because they would ask for advice a lot, and, because I wanted to be a good friend, I felt like I needed to shoulder their problems. It was also hard because I felt like I couldn't make friends with anyone but people with mental disorders. For these reasons, I drove a lot of them away. One of my friends had severe depression and was on Zoloft. She was my roommate on a band trip and she attempted suicide. Understandably, this was extremely traumatizing, and I decided that I was done with having friends from that point on. Dropping my friends out of my life was a gradual process. I still talked to people in class sometimes, but I didn't go over to anyone's house after that. After awhile, I stopped going on AIM to talk to friends from where I used to live. I stopped going to church to hang out with my friends there. After graduation, I ceased communication with everyone I had talked to before except for one person, and I only talked to her because she had become acquainted with Sam. Now, I'm not even talking to her. So I literally have no friends. I joined some parenting groups where I live, but I haven't been to any meetings yet and I haven't introduced myself on the board at all (my reluctance to do so isn't just because of this problem, it's also because I feel uncomfortable and judged as a 19 year old mom, even though we can financially support DS.) It honestly doesn't bother me that I don't have any friends, probably because I'm still affected by my last friend's incident, but I don't want Sam thinking that I hate his family because of this, because I really don't. Sam suggested that I should see a psychologist, but I haven't called them because of another problem of mine: a severe phobia of talking on the phone. I'm not on any medication. I convinced my doctor to give me Paxil, because I had a severe bout of anxiety and depression for two weeks, but didn't take it because I got pregnant, and I left it at the old house when we moved because I didn't think I'd need it (and I still don't think I do.) Does anyone else have the same problem?

Well, the best thing I could say, is push yourself as hard as possible. You only have one life to live. Enough with medecines, and the doctors, and the phone phobias. Get on the phone, and call the psychologist if you need to speak to a professional. Don't worry if you sound stupid, just let your conversation flow. I have problems communicating with people as well, and I would always think over what I said in a conversation or what I should have done. I would get mad at myself, but what I realized is that if you don't want to talk, or can't talk, don't. Don't force the mind to do something it doesn't want to do. Eventually, when you accept that it's normal for you to stay silent, you will start talking.
You also need to let go of the past. Take it like this, people bullied you because they were either jealous or completely bored. That is what people do in highschool, and you can't let those experiences ruin your life. You are bigger than that.

Basically, what I'm trying to get at is, stop regarding your situation as a serious problem, and suddenly the problem will go away.

If you don't want to talk and not having new friends doesnt bother you don't talk.

If however its a problem with Sam and what not you should make an effort with them.

My girlfriend refused to talk to anyone but her mother and grandparents and I felt lonely.

Feeling lonely in the person you love's company is terrible.

I've never known anyone else who has a phone phobia like me. No one has ever understood just how horrible it is. I hate that people think you can all of a sudden just get over it one day. It's not that easy, I've tried.

I have issues communicating with people too. I think I used to try a little more than I do now, though. Right now I just avoid talking to people as much as possible and I don't care because this is how I feel comfortable. There's no reason to make myself more depressed if I can avoid it. I don't like going anywhere alone, out of fear that I'll be forced to talk to someone. So most of time I'll have my mom to hide behind like you do with Sam.

I know what you mean. I hate that most people can just pick up the phone and call whoever they want with no problems and I can't do that. I end up staring at the phone wondering if I'll sound like an idiot most times, and I'll psyche myself out a lot of times before I actually call someone, or I'll just end up not doing it at all, unless it's really important. I'll end up zoning out while the phone rings, and then the other person answers, I'll be really freaked out and sound startled the entire time I talk to them. It's worse when this happens after I get put on hold for a long time. I never leave messages unless it's for a doctor, and when I do, I have to listen to the criteria (name, phone number, etc.) beforehand, write all of it down, and read it off of the paper. Otherwise, I totally blank out. I also can't talk on the phone in front of anyone, because people will tell me that I'm really bad at talking on the phone (people have actually told me this.) That just fuels the phobia, because you think, "The person on the other end is probably laughing at me because I suck at talking on the phone." I had visions of people playing the messages I left on their machine and laughing, and even calling their friends to join in. Yes, I am extremely paranoid, but I don't know what to do! It's terrible!

Yeah, I'm exactly the same way. My phone phobia is actually one reason I didn't like having friends. People are always asking for my number and I try to explain how I don't like talking on the phone but they can't understand how bad it is. So sometimes I have felt forced to give out my number anyway, even though I have no intention of actually talking to them on the phone. Then I have to come up with explainations to why I'm not answering when they call. That just made me feel like a horrible friend.
I am comfortable talking on the phone with my mother and sister, though. With any other family member, I still get nervous.

Now that I'm over 18, for some reason some people won't accept my mom talking on the phone for me and always force me to get on. I don't understand why they need to hear my voice. And my mom won't ever try to just pretend to be me. I've had my sister pretend to be me sometimes.

I don't understand when people call just to say hello. If I ever call someone or someone calls me then I need to have a specific topic to talk about or a question they can answer quickly so I can hurry and get off the phone. Some time recently I had got a call from a friend leaving a message saying she had a question to ask me and needed my help with something. So I was like, okay, this should be a quick and easy phone call. I finally got up the courage to call her back and she just ended up keeping me on the phone going on and on about nothing. I felt tricked. We haven't been friends for very long and I've considered not even trying to be friends anymore because of this phone issue. It's just too much stress I'm putting on myself.