Seriously, I swear I'm not a serial killer. Trust me.

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Deinonychus
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16 Jan 2008, 12:24 am

Ok, no one is saying you act like one. You look like one. Either you are too perfectly manicured OR you are scruffy. Wash and cut your hair, shave, wash and press your clothing, and stand up straight. Oh, don’t forget to shower and brush your teeth. There. You have become common looking. Go Kill.

Seriously, I knew an AS guy a while ago, good looking but walked with a horrific bounce, always had his hands in his pockets (big body language no-no) and had a head of hair any woman would die for. Yup, saw him walking down the street one day and thought there was a serial killer on the loose and than saw it was him. Great guy, I didn’t care what he looked like. But, I thought…

Oh, please don’t tell me your head is shaved, you spend 8 hours a day getting buff but trim and have tattoos. You don’t carry a knife belt…

Also, if people are talking to you and telling you that you LOOK like a serial killer, remember they are comfortable enough to not only talk to you but tell you that, which means you are a good enough and likeable guy. Be who you are.

PS, can you send a picture so I can look for you on the post office wall???


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Ragtime
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16 Jan 2008, 1:15 am

Brittany2907 wrote:
You aren't the only one that has dealed with this.
I have dealed with this, even though it wasn't in a dating situation. When I was at high school, several people had this crazy idea that I killed my grandmother had hid her body under the floor boards of my house. It can't get ANY more rediculous than that!
Unfortunately, a lot of people decided to believe that this were true. I was getting bullied and harrassed, receiving death threats etc. I didn't manage to overcome this problem and eventually it led me to drop out of high school. All though, I probably could have dealt with it, I didn't have the energy for it anymore.


How awful! :(

In person, before I start speaking, I do believe I come off as the serial-killer type, judging by people's wide-eyed stares at me minding my own business. There ought to be a "scary person" contest, with Aspies auditioning by standing there normally. :lol: Let's see who we can make scream, "Mommy!! !" :D

But my speech has the opposite effect that my appearance does on people. As soon as I start talking, people act ready to let me carry their newborn babies. I must have speech as an Aspie-gift or something, because people immediately reverse the negative way they were looking at me after I begin to speak. Something in my voice apparently says, "This man's mind is well organized and he's quite polite and thoughtful, no worries." Not that being polite and thoughtful precludes evil intent, but my point is it straightens out their perspectives in my case.

But before I open my mouth to them (and I'm fairly non-verbal, so that could be a while), they seem scared sh**less of me.


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Preston
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28 Jan 2008, 1:21 pm

I would ask friends how you're coming off in such a creepy way, and how to change that. Keep up with the alpha male stuff too, like confidence. Research shows that people who don't care much of what other people think of them are happier.



logitechdog
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28 Jan 2008, 1:38 pm

Preston wrote:
I would ask friends how you're coming off in such a creepy way, and how to change that. Keep up with the alpha male stuff too, like confidence. Research shows that people who don't care much of what other people think of them are happier.


Please don't quote that bs, they happier because less people cause them to be unhappy, & confidence is full of it too.. Them studys are just full of it... Mostly they happy to others, but really shut the door & you will see how unhappy they are, they just put on a happy face for others... & hide...


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The confidence checklist

How then is confidence - real confidence - demonstrated? Here's the 10-point checklist:

People who believe in themselves take charge of their actions.


They act assertively, speak calmly and listen properly.


They're flexible towards people, circumstances and all things new.


They're able to give genuine praise and to accept constructive criticism.


They evaluate themselves realistically.


They appreciate their achievements.


They learn from their mistakes.


They aren't run by 'shoulds', 'musts' and 'ought tos'.


When an opportunity comes up they say 'Why not?' rather than 'Why?'


They feel they can influence situations and outcomes.

The confidence within

Where exactly does all this come from? Are we born with it? Are we socialised into it? "Yes, and yes," says psychologist Gary Fitzgibbons. "Confidence is within all of us, but whether it shines through or whether it remains hidden can depend on how we are treated as children and young adults." It's not for nothing that people say 'show me the girl at seven and I'll show you the woman'.


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Jacobison
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28 Jan 2008, 5:27 pm

I remember way back in high school, I was accused of having "cold, serial killing eyes." I remember I thought, -Gee, thanks. I'm nothing but polite to you and I get this? Whatever, insignificant person.- Besides, someone had stuck up for me, so the situation luckily worked itself out in the end. But still, who has the nerve to say that to another person?



Preston
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28 Jan 2008, 9:27 pm

Quote:
Please don't quote that bs, they happier because less people cause them to be unhappy, & confidence is full of it too.. Them studys are just full of it... Mostly they happy to others, but really shut the door & you will see how unhappy they are, they just put on a happy face for others... & hide...


What are you basing this on?



TrueDave
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29 Jan 2008, 3:29 am

Wait I have a question for the original post.

I see youre in your mid thirties, obviously you're single AND a guy .

Are you caucasian? Man If you are then you're a profilers wet dream.

I'd hate to be you. :lol:

All you gotta do to calm the ladies down is use a nice no nonsence opening line like

" I'm not going to hurt you."

I got called into my highschool senior papers' editors office and was told a little freshman girl had been in there earlier in tears because some one told her I was going to come into school with an AK 47.

I asked "was she cute? Cause theres no such thing as bad advertising!"

And this was back in 1989!
I was unoffically voted most likely to return to aclas reunion and shhot the place up.
Hows That for feeling pressured? :lol:



logitechdog
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29 Jan 2008, 7:29 am

Preston wrote:
Quote:
Please don't quote that bs, they happier because less people cause them to be unhappy, & confidence is full of it too.. Them studys are just full of it... Mostly they happy to others, but really shut the door & you will see how unhappy they are, they just put on a happy face for others... & hide...


What are you basing this on?


http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Happy I won't quote it since take up too much room...

& read the Discuss link


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BigK
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29 Jan 2008, 10:19 am

Living_in_Gin wrote:
Perhaps not surprisingly, the vast majority of my first dates never lead to second dates. Whenever I've gotten feedback from somebody -- either firsthand or secondhand -- the response is almost universal:

"You are a very awkward person."
"You don't seem comfortable in your own skin."
"You look like a serial killer."
(to mutual friends) "I think he's going to start stalking me."

As you can imagine, hearing all this does wonders for my self-confidence, and all but guarantees that I'll be even more of an awkward, nervous wreck during my next encounter... Usually several months or years down the road, which is about how long it takes to make another attempt or to even meet somebody worth the effort.

I hope I'm not the only one who has dealt with these problems. Have any of you faced similar issues? If so, how have you managed to overcome them? Somebody please tell me it's possible.

And for the record, I'm really not a serial killer. I swear.... Wait, where are you going?


Just gotta keep at it.

Let them know what they are getting before they arrive.

Be sure that they know that you are 'shy' and 'a little awkward'.

If they have been corresponding with you for a while I would expect them to have done a bit of research on AS.
If they haven't are they such a great catch?

If you're posting a 'lonely hearts' ad BE HONEST.
You are not looking for the maximum number of hits. You only need one good one.
Make sure it's someone who likes the sound of how you really are.

Unless you really, really like dining out don't be wasting your time, effort and money on people who are probably not going to be compatible anyway.

Don't be leaving it 'months or years'. Get amongst it!
The world is full of terrific people. Even one in a hundred is still a lot of people!
Make it a targeted campaign not a scatter gun gun approach. :)



AlexC179
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29 Jan 2008, 11:25 am

When I was in high school a teacher compared me to Charles Manson, I kid you not. I was humiliated at the time. I have also had a girl on a double date tell me that I look like a rapist. That kind of stuff always disturbs me. I really don't want to be seen that way. I do walk around with my hands in my pockets... I do not put much thought into how people perceive me, to be honest. I don't know why people would find me creepy. It is just depressing, I can't win.



Preston
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30 Jan 2008, 2:19 am

logitechdog wrote:
http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Happy I won't quote it since take up too much room...

& read the Discuss link

I skimmed. How's it contradict my assertion? I don't know how you'd argue with the notion that some people are more or less happy than others under the same conditions btw.



TrueDave
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30 Jan 2008, 3:33 pm

Last school I was at I had a lot of AS based problems.

I heard that my advisor was afraid I was stalking her.

Shes my freakin' ADVISOR!

Hey anybody dare being a "secret admirer" these days ?

its not too late . Valentines DAy is coming up . Get your Creep on!