How do you know if you are emotionally blind?

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Well, in my case I had two clues:

1) People referred to me as "that bozo with the social skills of a baboon".

2) A close friend of mine told me that her daughter had died and I hadn't the faintest idea what to do.

There are of course other examples

Ed Almos

I hate those mind in the eyes type tests...

I keep thinking... they aren't showing any emotion, they're just looking to the right!! !

I ended with 14. Slightly above pure statistical chance so I did alright I think.

Empathy is a useless word. It has so much context that using it to reach consensus on a concept is very difficult.

I have the same problem where I don't know what to do when someone is in an emotional distress like death in the family. But at the same time, I see what other people do as just following the customs or etiquettes, like sending flowers, calling to say the same ol' condolences line, etc.. You can learn that stuff in an etiquette book. It seems to me that they are simply following the cultural custom of what you are supposed to do. It does not seem like they are truly caring. I have a hard time following these customs because it feels very insincere to be following some sort of routine just to appear socially acceptable when someone is experiencing a tragic event. I feel that it's wrong to even pretend to understand what it feels like. It seems to me like most people follow these customs just because they don't want to be perceived as insensitive and uncaring, which means that they are concerned about their own public image than they are about how the person in distress is feeling. I find it disrespectful. When I hear people simply say what they are supposed to say, like, "I'm sorry to hear that...." As I overhear this, I'm thinking in my head, "No, you are not! You have no idea what it's like to lose your own parent; you still got both! So, don't even pretend!"

I saw a promo for a show on FOX called "The Moment of Truth" where the contestants are hooked up to a polygraph machine, and the host asks questions like, "Would you really give up your kidney for your sister?" or "Do you really care about the starving children in Africa?" They win money if they tell nothing but the truth, so they feel conflicted. I'm curious to see this show so that I can see what level of "empathy" most people actually have, and how much they are just lying by following the cultural norm. (I would imagine that if you are an Aspie, you could do really well on this show since you are so used to telling nothing but the truth anyway.)

Is it possible that Aspies are not emotionally blind, but they are just really bad at lying? And that the supposedly normal people are just good at lying about how they are truly feeling inside, thereby able to simulate "empathy" very well?

Reading your post lupin has me thinking...I wonder...if basically NTs are just good at PRETENDING to care, manipulating people (unconsciously sometimes)...maybe that's why I and apparently a lot of Aspies are angered when we see manipulation?

I'm not saying this right...not explaining my thought here very well.

Hi Lupin and Wolfpup,

I think what you guys are saying make sense, however I wonder about which comes later in evolution. Asperger brains are highly specialized brains. As such, it makes sense that it favored local super-connectivity by sacrificing inter-departmental connectivity. Lying requires the use of multiple departments of the brain, which I personally cannot coordinate well enough to succeed. But at this stage in history of human being, we are all required to be highly specialized. A few hundred years ago, it was more common to start your own business (and manage all aspects of a business) than to work for someone all your life. Now, it's more common to work for a big corporation doing a very specific task. Even doctors and lawyers these days are highly specialized. So, in this super-specialized world, Asperger brains have the advantage over NT brains.

And, now with the Internet, email, web, IM, Blackberry, etc.., we need less and less ability to read people's mind. Look at the efficiencies of businesses like Wal-Mart where there is no need to haggle over price (another thing that Aspies are not good at). If you look at different cultures in the world, the more advanced the culture is, the less haggling you need to do. It is simply because haggling is a very inefficient way to conduct business.

In this sense, with Asperger's Syndrome, the right feature was compromised to achieve a better performance in the critical area (specialization).

I have never related to the criterion that AS people are not empathetic. I am very empathetic; the thing is, people never seem to express their feelings, so how can I tell how they are feeling? When I see a movie, for example, and I see a person's "story", I can really relate and maybe I'll cry or be really happy for them. That's because I can see their story. In real life, people don't tell you their stories unless you are really close to them, so why would I be having all sorts of empathy for them? They keep all their stories to themselves.

I'm emotionally nearsighted..

Of course, what I've done in the past is

make a mistake in a social situation
analyze it
make a rule to avoid repeating it.
hope I didn't wind up in different social situations...

I can recognize sometimes when I've messed up. I will also state that we don't have any sort of monopoly on boneheaded behavior...everyone does that at one time or another.