How Do You Learn Social Interaction?

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Throughout most of my life, I have had little interaction with people outside my family. I was very, very shy and had all kinds of trouble knowing what to do, say, etc. among my peers in school. My awareness of social norms, customs, and expectations has come from TV and movies, where I can learn how people are motivated to like each other and how they "hang out." Of course, like everyone, I have some social experience from interacting with cashiers when checking out and interacting with my family members. I've also had a little bit of interaction with my peers. However, this interaction is not enough for me to have learned how to do some things fluently. That's why watching TV and movies sometimes can be educational!

I should clarify what I meant by, "Just by doing it." I mean you adapt your behavior as you go through trial and error.

Trial and error

Trial and error

Trial and error

I voted "other" because for me it's a combination of what I observe in movies, books and real life, how people tell me I should act, and of course some trial and error

All of the above. And none, really. Social interaction isn't a spectator sport, but those of us born with less aptitude can sometimes benefit from guidance. You don't get these skills by observing them, or reading about them, you get them by GETTING them. God, now I sound like I'm quoting David DeAngelo. He wrote a pretty good article about why it is that very intelligent men often fail with women. Very informative stuff, really. Social skills come when you are habitually doing those behaviors that will allow you to negotiate successfully with other people. And it comes from mostly from attitude.

But don't ask me much more. It'd be like asking a dude in a wheelchair for some advice on winning the marathon.

My social skills didn't kick in until a year or two ago, but before then the process was very painful and very gradual. I'm usually a quiet guy and I hate crowds, which I'm sure isn't uncommon here. The most common adjective that people predicated to describe me was "creepy", when I wasn't even trying to creep anyone out! But then I learned to be interested in people, make them feel comfortable, enjoy the moment, and that most people STILL don't matter in the end. Only a select few individuals, like those that can help me attain my aspirations.

Another important lesson I learned, through painful years of useless failed connections, is that most women suck and aren't worth my time. The old adage that "Opposites Attract" is, in my opinion, correct in theory but B.S. in practice. My girl is an Aspie, and I wouldn't want her any other way.

You should have included for an option: Observing people in real life.

I listen to people talking and watch their behavior, then attempt to mimick.

I selected 'other', but I could equally have selected option 2. Also, it has to be said at age 40 I can do many of the things required with only moderate incompetence, though the stress soon builds up.

Part of my earlier experience involved a fairly pressured 'community' in which 'right ways' of relating to people were advanced, while 'wrong ways' of relating were condemned. It was dressed up as 'defenisiveness' when someone failed to conforrm.

Similarly, the family is often the primary environment in which 'social aversives' are applied in order to ensure docile behaviour and conformity. That seems to be what happened to me. This doesn't just happen in the family of course, all institutions in society are 'shot through' with it.

Consider the most primitive behaviour modification therapy; that of parental corporal punishment for inappropriate behaviour. Although there appears to be societal censure against corporal punishment administered by parents to their children and although there are still instances where this happens, it seems likely that it is less likely to happen now than it was in the 1960's/1970's and even perhaps 1980's.

I think that for people of a 'certain age', much of their socialisation was administered through physical punishments, so that although such people can 'conform', they are less likely to be happy about it. I should think such experiences and treatments could bring about the onset of 'co-morbid' issues such as extreme anger and other 'emotional disturbance'.

I just dont talk to people

That is the strategy I have adopted at last, notwithstanding 20+ years of being socialised into trying to do the opposite.

hooray for anti-socialism

Trial and error.

Do something wrong, you know you have to do it right next time.

Observing people is probably one, but subconciously. I don't actually think about what they are doing and that I should do it that way. Same with trial and error.

For me, because I was extremely incompetent in this area, going to psychologists, psychiatrists, groups and reading books and articles was the only place to start learning.

From there I reached a point of confidence to be able to begin interacting socially. And from here it's always trial and error. If ever I fall back down, I'll refresh myself with my reading materials.

I've done a lot of observation, experimentation and imitation over the years. Since I have always known I've had difficulties socially, I've been able to remind myself to pay extra close attention to how people act and react in response to different happenings. I've gotten quite good at this and have come to the point where I can pass of as "normal", though only for a short amount of time.

I also have an NT sister who will always give me social advice, whether I want it or not. Some of it has turned out well, othertimes, not so well. I'm probably most vulnerably (socially, that is) when I start to go into withdrawal.

I hit "other." I basically memorized about two straight hours of jokes (thank you, prairie home companion, for making audio tapes which contain nothing but jokes; thank you, mom, for playing them for an entire summer) and those are actually pretty helpful ice breakers. I don't know how I interact. I know it's not normal, but I like weird people, weird people like me, and thus that is who I hang out with. So, trial and error, learning some icebreakers, and selection of people to hang out with (which is VERY important)!