bad NT parenting

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I'm tired of NT parents of NT kids letting their kids walk all over my kid. It's as if they could care less about how nasty their children are as long as their kid comes out on top. It's rare to find a NT kid these days whose parents have taught them to be nice, which is kind of ironic since people on the spectrum are supposed to be the ones who lack empathy. I'm seeing it as the other way around.

NT kids will come up to my son and say he's weird, make faces at him, or shake their fists and the other mothers do nothing. It really breaks my heart. My son says all the time, "I like people." And, he does, he likes people more than I ever have. I don't know why he does. We seem to get beat down a lot when we're out trying to enjoy life.

I agree 100% with you. I hear constantly from my cousin with an NT child that my son should go to school to learn how to associate with other kids...EXCUSE ME? Her child is the meanest child I have ever met...He is rude to my son and not polite at all. My neighbors older boy is exactly the same way...but of course, they both go to private schools and the mothers think they're kids are just "kids"...but that they know how to socialize...Even my nephew and his friends in December, who are about 5 years older than mine treated him like garbage...

Ex. My son was playing on a trampoline at my sister's house...they bigger kids got in...they started playing with a ball...my son wanted to join in, but instead, the bigger kids threw the ball and didn't let him play...then they started throwing the ball very close to him in an attempt to actually hit him...since my son wouldn't leave, he just kept laughing and trying to play, they all got together and decided to run in the yard and have my son chase after them...my son of course did...he thought they were playing with him...They were much bigger, and thought that the kiddo would get tired and then they could jump in the trampoline and close it, so that my son could no longer go inside...I AM WATCHING this entire even waiting to see what they would do...until my son had to stop and he was out of breath...here is my 6yr old boy, holding his tummy and trying to take deep breaths...so the NT kids started laughing and jumped into the trampoline...in a minute my son still out of breath ran into the trampoline and they just all gave him a dirty look...I LOST IT! I pulled my son out and told my son that he didn't not need to be playing with such mean and horrible children. That he was too nice of a boy to be playing with kids with no respect and no manners. The NT kids just stared in disbelief that someone had actually told them this...Honestly, I couldn't care less.

On the other hand, my child says hi to everyone...he always shares his toys...he never tells on other kids...he says please and thank you...

Excuse me? But exactly what does my child need to learn from these kids???

I am so sorry for what your child has gone through...it breaks my heart as well. I got fed up and now homeschool and I am VERY picky with whom he socializes...

We have been homeschooling too for a little over a year. I'm not having any luck getting friends for us. The area we live in is too competitive, too privileged, I suppose. Every man for himself.

I'm tired of parents who let their kids act like little monsters, NT, Aspie, or otherwise. A parent should be in control, it's their job to understand and raise a well rounded individual. This lax 'dog eat dog' attitude should have retired years ago, but it's still around to haunt us. Personaly, as an NT parent, if my Rose ever mocked a kid in any way to hurt their feeling, she'll get her little tail popped! I don't care if she's an aspie or an NT that kind of behavior will not be tolerated!

Oh and I love how these attitudes are reserved for NT's and their children.

NT kids will pick on whomever they perceive as being weak......because my children are polite and helpful to teachers, they have often been the target of bullies. my NT son is the only one who has been able to handle bullies effectively ( in most cases...there was this one time.......).
children need to learn by example. it is my guess that NT children who are nasty, come from nasty homes. I've met just as many nasty parents as i have nasty kids.

I'm NT. I said it's rare, not 100% across the board that NTs do not teach their NT kids to be nice. They take it for granted that their kids have social skills and do not do much to instill their children with character. My HFA son lacks social skills, but has a good heart because character building is important to me. Yet, NT parents who have no experience with ASD will look at my child's lack of social skills and try to say that I'm the bad parent because my son is different while their kids are running around bullying and knocking over whoever gets in their way.

Goche21...I don't think you understand what anyone has been saying...seems you are confused here just like at the other forum...

Not sure how to explain here...

Let's see...my ASPIE kid is nice, courteous, shares, etc...
NT child's parent is the only one who has dared come to me and say "your kid needs to go to school to socialize..." yet her child is a monster.

I have yet to see this...my ASPIE kid is nice, courteous, shares, etc...
AS parent has a child who is a moster, and AS parent dares to say to me..."your kid needs to go to school to socialize..."

So, because the second has not ever happend...because 1, if the AS kid is nice, the odds are that the AS parent has worked with that child and knows that the AS child has a hard time, etc...the odds are that the AS parent would not dare criticize the other AS parent and/or child...they know how it is...

However, the NT parent, who has no clue what it's like, who does have a monster of a child, automtically feels the need to tell you how their child is socialized and does not have the social issues that AS kids have because they go to school, or whatever other reason they come up with...

Hoo RAh!

My kid and I discuss this ALL the time. I think he is going to grow up to be pretty self reliant.

Complaining about the NTs and their 'issues' and their 'habits' of placing that off on the innocent, weak, feabled, disabled, really addresses his issues and makes him more of a humanitarian-in light of.

I now have NTs stopping me on the street to talk about how "woooonderful" he is.

Why?

I suggest engaging your child in some good ol fashioned NT behavior bashing-tis good ol fashioned 'talk therapy'

It's also validating.
I'm not even sure bullies ARE nt's per say.
It is ok to say it like it is.

whatamess, I just don't see why it's nessicary to seperate into catagories. 'this NT child did this!' or 'this aspie child did that!' Actions aren't isolated to specific groups, I assure you there are aspie 'monsters' too.

We're talking about specific incidents that have happened to us. To date, no other HFA child has made fun of my son for flapping his hands as he walks across the room. I suppose when that happens it will really piss me off too. As far as the NT children go, they consistently and routinely harrass my son when he's not even doing anything to them and the mothers of those children have the amazing ability to ignore that cruel behavior.

I understand that it's specific cases. I know, I don't like how this world is being divided into the nuerotypicals and non-nuerotypicals. Between social class, ethnic race, intelligence, personalities, looks, and now this, we'll be divided an literally every front. Both sides will continue to bash and blame the others instead of seeking a middle ground where they can understand each other.

I've met some awful little brats, and a few have been aspies. Admittently, the nature of this condition makes it to where an aspie is more likely to to the victim then the bully, but it's not always black and white.

I think the problem is the NT's mothers incapacity of showing the mothers of non typical children some emphaty. Because they have NT children, who know how to socialize or defend themselves, they have this idea that children should be able to solve their own issues and mothers shouldn't intervene. They take this to the extreme that they see their children being extremely nasty, mean almost evil to different children and they don't do anything, they just go: let them work it out for themselves. I think some of them are even proud of how "strong" or socially apt their children are. Of course, this is their view because nobody is being nasty to their children, or because these children know how to fend for themselves. I have this friend who is actually a very nice person and she has two sons who are extremely nasty to my child. When we come to their house everything I hear from them is: No you cannot touch my toys, no you cannot get into my room, no you are not allowed here, they enjoy humiliating him. And then they go: Ok, Ok you can play with this and they give him this stupid peace of junk that has absolutely no use. My child is hurt but he so desperately wants to fit in that he goes along with that, maybe thinking that if he does it they will finally like him and play with him. What blows my mind is that this woman does nothing at all, she seems to think it is normal, I don't get it. I stopped accepting her invitations to get together and I am keeping my distance, but she keeps insisting that we do something together with the kids. Is she blind???? Maybe she enjoys seeing her children hurting my child??? And of course, advice from her is never lacking: you overprotect your child, let him learn to defend himself, let him fight his own battles, etc, etc, etc. I have an aspie son, he is the one supposedly at disadvantage when it comes to bullying and socializing, and I have never, never, ever let him be mean to another child, I am always on the look out when he is playing to be sure that he is being a good friend, a good host, a good sport, etc. Why can most of the NT children mother do the same? And what breaks my heart is that my child thinks this kids are his friends. I told him that these children were not nice, that they were not worth of being his friends and that we would find nicer friends for him to play with, friends who would actually want to play with him and share, etc. I don't even know where to start looking, it seems the story keeps repeating itself.

hate to break it to you but your friend is not a "very nice person".

I still think she is basically a nice person, ignorant, but nice.

Monica120969, your situation sounds so much like mine. I've been trying to find a friend for my son, but I haven't had any success. My son thinks everyone is his friend and he defends the actions of other kids when they are mean to him. For example, one time I saw a kid spit in my son's face. My son said that other kid was trying to whisper something to him, but I saw the whole thing. I know what that was.

My cousin's son is the same with my son...although not all the time, she has hinted that I need to allow my son more around these kid's, even if they're not nice, so that he can learn to deal with it.

Well, her younger son and my son get along great. She constantly complains about him and her in-laws don't like to keep him because they say he is a nightmare to take care of, but they will keep her "mean" son. My uncle, who I think is an aspie adores my son and also her younger son, but can't stand the older one.

Well, I've been telling my husband that outside of the speech delay my son has, the little one walks on his tiptoes and does many things my son did/does. I have said at some point he'll be diagnosed, although my family thinks I'm crazy. Well, my cousin just took her kiddo for a psychometric test and others and was told he has some speech delay and others...she took him for his school interview and the kiddo said he wasn't going to do it, that he'd do it another day. I have a feeling soon she'll be told to get him diagnosed. Soon she'll understand when other kids treat him badly...sadly, she prefers her older one, so the younger one gets punished just because of meltdowns....caused by big brother.

I don't wish her bad, but soon she'll understand what me and my son go through.