I didn't ask out a woman I knew was into me...

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... because I have no job. I knew where it'd lead to. She was a pretty thing too, damnit. Ohh the horrors of unemployment. I'd rather be graded on physique.

Heh, I would have followed through just to see what humor could have developed.

My friend has no Car and he was able to get a girlfriend.... anything is possible.

What if I liked her? It's highly likely I'd end up feeling empty and/or depressed. It's not about getting *a* girlfriend btw, it's having one I won't be embarrassed about.

I don't know, if you can get a girl that you like and she likes you back... when you don't even have a job... I couldn't help but see that as a positive thing. I mean unless you never plan on having a job... she could be accepting of your current plight.

Of the few experiences I've even gotten close to having a girlfriend... it changes my perspective and drives me to improve myself.... in strange delightful ways.

I have a girlfriend, and I don't have a car. Hell I was still living with my parents at the age of 21 when I met my current girlfriend.

The woman would end up feeling empty or hurt, being I would generally be using her. May I ask what's so undesirable about you?


Living with parents at 21 isn't that bad. Free rent during school, or to save money.

Well, if you inform her early on... she can reject or accept you. No real problem of hurting her then...

What is so undesirable about me? I really do not know... I think I'm so unconventional as to make girls confused about me. And in general it takes time for people to really know me and like me as a person, but in the dating game first impressions are killer... and I can't really get past that.

A couple of things Preston.

I was very much in love with a woman a long time ago. We hadn't known each other all that long but it was intense and very real. Even today I know it was the real thing. She was a dancer and brilliant, very outgoing. I could not get that Love word out of my mouth. Now this isn't exactly what you're saying. However my sense of self worth at that time wasn't very high. How it would have ended up had I got the word out, I don't know and never will and that is my point. You won't know and wonder about all this for a long time. You need to spit it out, get it out in the open. Even if it is just what you have said here.

And another thing.

I was a womanizer. I do know why now and I can't undo it. My confidence came and went, coping skills if you will. I too thought at one time a girlfriend I wouldn't be ashamed of. It was very much the opposite. Think about it, that isn't a good attitude towards any woman. Don't beat yourself up over thinking this way, it's pretty common. But I do think you might see a change if you can really look and treat others in a different light.

If you aren't willing to take a risk when going into a relationship, it's unlikely you'll ever get anyone worth having.

Yes, unimployemeny sucks. You are kind of judging her on the outside, aren't you? Try asking anyway. Anymore "it will go wrong because" feel free to bring it up.

The women I have in mind would only be cool about friends-with-benefits until they get a guy who wants a relationship with them. How come you still have trouble with first impressions after reading through how-to-get-women guides like the one on this forum and elsewhere on the Internet? Do you talk to women enough to be comfortable with them?


It's the risk in this circumstance. I'm not automatically shy about talking to a woman, asking her out, etc.


It was at a jury summons. I thought of telling her that I'd ask her out if my circumstances were different and if I could have her contact info for future reference... after I was already driving away. D'oh! I'm pretty close to New York City. Money's more important here. It's highly likely things would have turned against me once she found out.

That's not what I meant. You're just assuming she's going to turn you down flat out. You've already decided. You didn't even try - that is failing to take a risk.

I don't implement those 'guides' to the letter, and I couldn't live with myself if I did. I'm comfortable enough talking to women... but even when I am comfortable I still communicate my ideas in unconventional ways. Some people get me, and we communicate perfectly... many don't and we don't exactly understand each other.

I'm still uncomfortable with touching and certain "lines to cross" in the relationship scheme. I'll see where that gets me...

I'll learn eventually, but since the type of girl I am looking for is rare I don't have much experience... so it takes me a long time to learn the pitfalls of love.

Yes, I knew what you meant. Same answer.

No one implements those "guides to the letter." It doesn't mean you can't learn small talk and communicate more effectively. Can you give examples of how you unconventionally communicate? I'm curious.

Hmm, lets see... my memory for this kind of detail is very low.... but often my style of humor is unnoticed or interpreted as something else. I like self-depricating humor, but I am in generally good spirits. I also like to subtly say things the wrong way, just for effect. Which often comes off as not being as smart as I actually am.

Also, since I have a bad memory and forget details, I tend to not be overly confident with what I say. I use maybe... probably... I think so... etc. When it's really bad I can barely seem like I know anything at all.

When I am socially at my best, I am able to convey my easy going nature... while at the same time demonstrating confidence and ability in some area. All the while I use my inquisitiveness to show that I am interested. I have to ask the right questions though.

If I can get them laughing at my demeanor or some clever thing I observe, then socially it all feels really good.

But it's sort of hit or miss if people will actually get all these disparate parts about me. I get no reciprocation at all, and laugh smiles and such.

I've pretty much accepted that I'm not going to be able to get along with all girls out there. But some seem to get me, and with them I don't have a problem communicating.