Growing up...

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Does anyone here feel like they are actually growing up?

I mean, I'm sure a lot of people in general never really notice it, but they do definitely become more responsible, etc.

I have got to be the most irresponsible and unorganized person I have ever met, lol. Well, technically I can't meet myself... but I think you probably get the gist.

My boyfriend has actually said before "it's amazing how intelligent you are, and how absolutely unorganized..." lol, and it's TRUE. I don't know if it will ever change.

I imagine myself at 90 still sitting around chatting on the computer, playing video games, and wearing my "jammies" all day long. It isn't that I don't realize that I should be doing other things, it just seems my priorities are completely backwards... and it's not that I wouldn't WANT to be more responsible, but I have not been shown step by step how, lol. I feel like I need a full time babysitter at times to make sure I get important stuff done.

People who come to visit me occasionally even know this. Today some friends came over, and they found out I've had non-stop infections for 2 months now. I have been on antibiotics and various pain meds for things as well... anyway, before they would sit down and converse with me, they made me call my doctor to schedule up a follow up appointment that I have ignored for 2 weeks now.

I don't know if it's lack of motivation, screwed up priorities, or what... but I KNOW I'm not lazy, and I'm very motivated once I know how to do something the proper way. I just don't know if I'll ever climb over that hurdle on my own.

I guess it just bothers me because I have 2 children... I go over to their friends' houses with them sometimes, and while the adults are carrying on adult conversation, I'm in the middle of the kids playing, and having a lot more fun than I would with the adults, lol. I look around and their places are clean and all, and mine's just a mess, lol. It's cluttered with toys, little odds and ends, beads... just kiddie type stuff, and most of it is mine, lol.

Yes I think I am growing up. I feel like I have reached the age of about 17 or 18 now.. it has been a long time coming...

i get your point. i mean, im 23 years old and i still feel like im a kid. sure, i have some responsibilities, but still, i feel like nothing has changed.

I definatly feel at the age of 25.4 that I am growing up alot. I make good decisions, the best ever in my life. I finally feel more my age, if not older, and thats good and bad. I know what I want in the future. I finally got myself outa that weird pit I was in as far as feeling sad that I was all grown up when I finally realized it and how much I missed being a kid, I realized never was their going back, and really pulling myself outa that was huge as far as truly growing up and accepting things.

The last 1-2 years I started having this mentality, first time ever that I truly thought about the fact that time can run out for things and I need to do what I can now before I reach 30 or 40. I understand that things wont just come my way (like marrage) you have to go out and earn that. Time goes to fast and before you know it its too late. I even think about what life will be like if I live to be old, never have I done that before. The fears and happyness. The things I know I will have to experience (my sis getting married and sucessful, my parents dieing, my friends all moving away or also dieing. I just cant tell yet if I will truly be happy, like on my deathbed if I live that long, will I look back on my life with satisfaction and happyness with all my memories, or will I feel I had many regrets and blew my one shot on Earth. When I started thinking like this this is when I feel I truly grew up.

Could be... it's so odd. I'm 27, and have 2 kids. You'd think that would have sparked something... but I'm just one of them really, lol.

I feel like i have not grown up yet I don't act 32. I dont look 32, I dont have a life stile that a 32 might have, I am a bit behind in it all.

I have a similar problem.
I had such bad grades for so long, that even when I looked at my report card (which was excellent btw) I just felt depressed.
My motivation is kind of dead that way. Nothing ever seems to be good enough, so the only thing I have motivation for is to procrastinate.
The sad thing is that I'm conscious about this. <_<

I'm starting to. I've been relatively immature and very unorganized the last 5 years or so, and I wish to change that. I don't know how long it will take. If I am to pursue my areas of interest further, it is of utmost necessity that I do.

ditto. Not only that, but when people walk into my house I'm almost immediately treated in an almost child-like way, lol. It's not to the point where I'm being talked down to or anything, but people just kind of overlook the messes... That, and I get this "oh-you're so cute!" crap all the time, lol. I think it contributes to that view, because there is a child-like thing going on with me.

Nobodyzdream, you are uniquely yourself. Grown ups- phtt!

I have read your posts from time to time and followed some of your life story, though lately I have not crossed paths with you. I was actually going to see if you were still around.

You have kids. You feed them and clothe them and look out for them. What can be more responsible than that? Who says pyjamas aren't day wear? In Vietman they are.

Not going to the doctor and not organising yourself are areas you may improve in; then again you may not (shrugs shoulders). Your house is a mess. Oh well! You're are not grown up? Ahhhh....

...but you are taking on responsibilitues. You studied. You battled against 'zoning out' when you had young kids to protect. You faced each development bravely.

Believe me the most boring time of my life was being a young parent and talking 'grown-up' talk with other parents. Oh, we knew it all!

My husband, who is grownup, always prefers to play with the kids instead drinking in the corner with the male rellies. I like being with the kids and young adults instead of discussing who who isn't a good housewife, tut, tut, who has the hardest life... "I've denied myself all my life and now I'm buying things for myself. Oh I am such a martyr! Look at me being good!" Hogwash!

Enjoy the innocents around you. Play. You are a unique individual who in highly intelligent, brave and probably funny.

I have never been so happy since I met the individuals on WP. I'm 63 and I love to play!

lol, yes nana. I took a break for a bit because I got sidetracked in things and went on a hemp bracelet making spree, lol. No time for anything else once I get going That and frustrations seem to be contagious sometimes on here, lol. I need the same type of break from here sometimes that I need from RL

I'm back, probably won't be as much as I was for a while there, but I'm still here

I agree that the grown up stuff isn't any fun. But there does come a problem when I realize I'm not up to speed, lol. Mainly just because I wonder why that is... and if it will never change. I know that some people don't grow up fully, but generally it is because of choice, or they just don't really question it. I'm very big on knowing exactly why, lol, and I suppose that is exactly what bothers me the most. I know what I *should* be doing, I know that if I was more organized I would feel better, etc... but until I know exactly what is causing it, why it is so difficult for me to change any of it, and why it's so important to others to do so, I can do nothing about it.

I've been given great advice before on how to do things... others have helped me to do it, but no one has actually taken me and just taught me everything I'd like to do, lol. I guess that is when I get to feeling very child-like. My son needs to be taught everything step by step, and I'm the same way. If that hasn't been done, both of us just ignore the things we want to do but don't know how, sit around and remain frustrated, or sit around questioning exactly what the point of doing it is, lol.

People often treat me in a child-like way perhaps because in some respects I still physically resemble one. Part of possessing an extreme ectomorph somatotype I suppose... People have also commented that I look uncomfortable, tired, or sad(even when I'm not), and I suspect that trait combined with what was formerly mentioned along with my voice characteristics(sometimes people think I'm ret*d) promotes such behavior in them. Perhaps it's the clothes I wear; I still wear many of the same ones I've had since I was 15 because they haven't worn out yet, even if they're slightly undersized(I'm in my mid 20s today).

This behavior towards me has gotten annoying years ago, and still is.

We have something in common here.



What I don't want to do is 'grow up' in a bad way and become some bitter, hateful recluse with no feelings for others. I have enough difficulty relating with and reciprocating with people as it is today. The type of 'growing up' I need to do is to develop some assertiveness, but I don't know where to start; my behaviors have always been extremely reserved and phlegmatic(partially due to negative environmental influences, mostly due to personality), even though my thoughts have been very passionate.

From my observations of aspies in the short time I have been on Wp, I suspect that you are slow at maturing but you never stop maturing. It is the aspie nature to learn, learn, learn.

I can't really understand the frustrations that you have to put up with. But I am certain that you will slowly overcome the worst of them. I think that the ex dino cafe in the Getting to Know You Thread might be a good place to post these ideas. The older aspies have survived and are a wise lot. They have lived most of their lives not knowing why they didn't meet society's requirements no matter how hard they tried.

Can you turn to your friends who organised your medical treatment for help in step by step instruction?

You know, Nobodyzdream, you may sit around frustrated and questioning, but you don't stay there. You've got grit

Tony Attwood's clinic is the place where my aspie grandsons and their NT mother get counselling. The boys are given tools to cope with society, and they are changing into proud, self contained aspies. Of course it's not perfect all the time!

I don't know if Tony A has written any of this stuff in a book.

I hope I don't sound patronising because I am not.

I have gotten to know some of the older aspies well, and you share their steely determination to do the right thing hidden by a gentle and reserved nature. These individuals hav been put through hell, bullied, discriminated against. etc

I am going to post a link to this thread in the ex dino cafe.

So. . . there I was. . bopping down the hall at work and I sorta got a thought that was of passing interest. . "when was I going to finally 'grow up?'"

I thought about it some more. . . as I waved and chortled a big "hellooooo!" to the new training class that were trooping, herd like, after their trainer who was showing them the offices. I thought about it when I was singing in the break room ( and remembered to use my 'inside voice.'

I thought about it some more as I skipped to the bus stop and cheerily greeted the bus driver and just HAD to tell my seat mate about the shiny red convertable gliding beside us with the top down.

three weeks later I heard about Asperger's Syndrome and was stunned like I got hit by a brick.

so this is why I always wondered when I was going to 'grow up!'

I will be 59 on my next birthday.


Merle

Honestly, your not the most dis-organized person on the planet as, that honor goes to me but, more along the terms not merely being an Aspie but, having some brain damage from many years ago which has influenced my cognitive skills.Anyways, I think all autistics have their strong & weakpoints yet as humans we do as best as we can..

Professor X