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violentcloud
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09 Feb 2008, 3:58 pm

I'm so very very confused by the phrase "I'm Fine".
A few hours ago, I asked a friend if they were ok - even with my limited perceptive skills, I got the feeling something was up. Her response was that she was fine, she just needed to kick back and relax. But now, her Facebook profile says that she's pissed off about something, and... well, it's not hard to tell that something is up now, even for me. Why do people say "I'm Fine" even when something is wrong? You can't very well pressure them into honesty, but... well, it just seems stupid. Surely if someone is trying to see if you're ok, if someone *cares* enough to ask, you should at least give them an honest reply?
I don't like it when people do that. I always feel as if people censor what they say to me out of some warped sense of 'protecting' me, thinking I won't understand.
Ok, so I struggle with some things that other people find easy - but that's MY issue, why do people make a point of trying to solve it for me? Grr.



fernando
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09 Feb 2008, 4:32 pm

violentcloud wrote:
Why do people say "I'm Fine" even when something is wrong? ...... I always feel as if people censor what they say to me out of some warped sense of 'protecting' me, thinking I won't understand.


I don't think she hid her emotions to protect you, what happens is that she needs to feel deeply connected with a person before opening up and somehow you failed to make her feel connected.


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violentcloud
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09 Feb 2008, 4:36 pm

I only say that because I know she's done it before. And as for the connection thing, outside of her immediate family, I doubt anybody is closer to her! Although there has been some distance between us lately, I suppose.



Anyu
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09 Feb 2008, 4:48 pm

I do the same thing, if something is wrong I generally won't talk about it, saying "I'm fine." I don't know why, I don't want to bother people with problems, I don't want to talk about it, don't want to face it. Just make sure she knows you are there for her and willing to listen, if she decides to talk about it with you she will, but you can't force her to.



AndersTheAspie
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09 Feb 2008, 5:11 pm

Well... being "fine" is not the same as nothing being wrong. I say that I am fine in recognition that my problems pale compared to most others'.
I seldome feel that my problems are big enough to warent me bothering somebody else with them. If you are worried that your friend has a problem though, then don't be afraide to be direct. say "I can tell that something is bothering you, and I want to help!" She most properly will tell you that it is nothing. (Or if the problem is really bothering her, she will tell you to mind your own business) but I find that if you tell someone that you care about them and want to help them if at all possible, then they will have a hard time turning your help down.


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sodarktheshadows
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09 Feb 2008, 7:10 pm

i say i'm fine, even when there is something wrong. why? simple. most people don't really give a s**t if you're not...not even your friends.

and really, aerosmith defined f.i.n.e as being

Fucked-up
Insecure
Neurotic
Emotional

FINE....and yup...that's me to a 't'


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10 Feb 2008, 5:52 am

Violentcloud, I don't think she was deliberately holding back from just you. Some people say they're "fine" because they don't really know how to express what they're thinking, or they don't want to burden anyone with their troubles. I do it all the time. If I didn't, everyone around me would be weighed down with my complaining and I wouldn't want people to think that's all I'm capable of.



Taimaat
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10 Feb 2008, 11:21 pm

I hate the small talk. The

How are you?
I'm fine.

Thing just gets to me. I feel it is the most boring thing in the world. At least now I understand more why people do it.


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11 Feb 2008, 3:28 am

Sometimes people just don't want to talk about something at a particular time. She may have not felt up to talking about what was wrong and there for just said "i'm fine" as to avoid such discussion.


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jawbrodt
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11 Feb 2008, 3:42 am

I also, usually say "I'm fine". If there is something wrong, I normally like to work things out, on my own. Only in extreme cases, will I ask for help.



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11 Feb 2008, 7:12 am

I hate that too. I usually reply, "I'm functional."


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