I hate myself. I hate the world and Life sucks

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scumsuckingdouchebag
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15 Feb 2008, 5:31 pm

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I don't want to mope it. I feel a little bit better now.


Ok. But if you ever do, read something dark and horrific. It may well just lift your spirits, so to speak.

Many here have a fascination with this stuff. :twisted:



Chimchar
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15 Feb 2008, 5:32 pm

So do I. But I don't show it.



Glencannon
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15 Feb 2008, 5:35 pm

Chimchar wrote:
You have great advice. Why do I see this disorder in a negative way? I hated being known as the 'little prfessor' it makes me hate myself even more.

Don't you hate being called smart?


I've always had trouble accepting compliments. Being called smart seems to place an unintended pressure on me, like people are now expecting me to live up to the label. Eventually, I learned to just say thanks and live my life to my own standards not anyone else's.



tweety_fan
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15 Feb 2008, 7:28 pm

u are not wrong you are just rare.



SilverProteus
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15 Feb 2008, 7:40 pm

Block out the negative feelings. It takes practice, but it's possible.You'll be left feeling nothing at all, which sometimes is better than feeling too much.



Paladin_Cecil
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15 Feb 2008, 10:41 pm

I don't like life much either, but I'm getting used to it.



Dantac
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16 Feb 2008, 1:58 am

Chimchar wrote:
Why do I see this disorder in a negative way? I hated being known as the 'little prfessor' it makes me hate myself even more.

Don't you hate being called smart?



Its normal to see it as negative because day to day, it does affect us negatively when compared to others (social interaction mostly).

The smart and little professor thing... heh.. it used to bother me until I realized that I rather have knowledge than the bunch of false friends they have. I learned to not volunteer information unless asked or relevant to the topic at hand..took a lot of effort but in the end it pays off. People tend to view you as arrogant or 'too full of yourself' if you have something to say about everything.



scumsuckingdouchebag
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16 Feb 2008, 2:04 am

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People tend to view you as arrogant or 'too full of yourself' if you have something to say about everything.


The story of my life...


That's not to say I'm not arrogant or not too full of myself, but still... I'm learning more and more that most people don't like being contradicted and they don't like challenging their own opinions or considering alternatives. They view a challenge to their viewpoint as insulting or confrontational when no such insult or confrontation was intended or implied. Instinct and emotion seem to take precidence over thought in this society; balance is deficient.



TLPG
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16 Feb 2008, 3:59 am

Chimchar wrote:
To behonest. I don't know how to act like a NT person. I don't know if any one has felt my pain. You feel useless.


Don't try - because you are not an NT. Trying to be NT is just asking for all the negative feelings you are experiencing.

Chimchar wrote:
It's going to take a while for me to settle in. I do tend to get sort of embarassed. It's better to have internet friends anyway because they can't judge you.


Of course. This is a change for you, and I would guess this is because you have been surrounded by negativity in real life. Change takes time for us Aspies - and that's a good thing because in the end you get the best results.

Chimchar wrote:
I stutter and choke when I speak, people call me retarded for that.


Now that is the sort of negativity I was talking about. People who say that are not worth talking to and should be avoided because they are dragging you down.

Chimchar wrote:
I'm surprised that everyone here is so understanding.


Don't be - we have all been where you are at some point in our own way, so we sympathise. And we understand in general because we have the same or similar experience behind us.

Chimchar wrote:
I tend to tell lies about myself in hopes of making friends. Like, I told everyone that Dr.Martin Luther King was my great uncle. Or the time when I told everyone I own a ferrari, lambourghini and all those fancy cars.


Don't lie, because that creates false friends - who you'll lose very quickly when they discover the truth. You'll feel better about yourself by telling the truth. and you'll get true friends. The sorts that last a lifetime. If telling the truth creates enemies as well - that's life. There's an old saying that goes; "You can always judge a person by the quality of their enemies".

It's great that all the advice here has been making you feel just a little better about yourself. I'll repeat myself - chin up! :)



sartresue
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16 Feb 2008, 9:01 am

Love yourself, this Aspie world and life will infuse you with meaning topic

Dear Chimchat

I guess I said it all in my title.

It is better to be living on the Autism Spectrum now than it was when I was a young person (childhood/teens/early twenties), even if we are stuck with Autism speaks everyday that basically says nothing of value.

I started crying :cry: when I read your original post, and I do not do that so often, though tears are therapeutic. I am so glad, Chimchat, that you found this site, and maybe your will find a special interest that can keep you busy so you do not feel so down. Besides, this weather really sucks, unless the sun is shining.

I am glad you are so open with your feelings. This is one of your strengths. :D

Dr. King spoke of all of us being free together. In this way we are all related. :D :D


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MissConstrue
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16 Feb 2008, 9:57 am

I know what you mean, I've had a lot of wrong things come out of my mouth. Typing or writing helps for me because I can think before I put a thought down. No you don't suck, whether it's Aspergers or not, life can be hard. For the first time I'm seeing the world in a different light. Like this website, there's a lot of people out there that do care and then there are those who are, well as*holes who just want attention. I don't know personally what you are dealing with. I know for me I've been in and out of hospitals for suicide and am a recovering alcoholic. Many of the meetings have helped me look at life differently. Don't solely blame it on Aspberegers. You might also being dealing with depression or other problems combined with it. I'm on meds for that and meds for social anxiety. It has helped a great deal, and have had to move, which was hard, out of a chaotic house. Try to get help out there and don't make a judgement right away, wait a while. Things might change for you.



WalnutWhip
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10 Apr 2008, 9:45 pm

You're right, life does suck, bigtime! I hate myself too and sometimes wish I never had to deal with people and noise and business. I have ADHD too, and 'giftedness' (who was the idiot that called it a gift?) and hate how I forget everything all the time, how people are always cross or annoyed at me because I forget things or are late. Every time I think I have made a friend they eventually stop talking to me and I never know why. What's the point of having a huge IQ if you can't remember things five minutes after you heard them? I want to understand what people are all about, and I want to have friends I can go out and have fun with but I get it so wrong every time. I do have a couple of friends (both Aspies) but that's it.

I'm tired of being told I'm standing on my toes, or asked why I'm rubbing my hands together, and everyone thinks I'm a geek or an idiot because I talk too much or too fast when I'm interested in something. It embarsasses whoever I'm with, so I guess no wonder I can't keep friendships. I can't help it, why can't people just understand that?

Oh and meds, am sick to death of them, but without them it gets even worse.

I also live with the horrible guilt that I have passed this curse down to my children. The only reason I am here is because I love them so much and want to try to stop their lives from being the living hell mine is. I owe it to them because I gave them this. Every time I want to end it all and finish the pain for good I think how that would leave them to fend for themselves in this crazy world and I can't do that to them. :?



Last edited by WalnutWhip on 11 Apr 2008, 12:02 am, edited 2 times in total.

JWRed
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10 Apr 2008, 9:53 pm

TLPG wrote:
Being an Aspie is not all bad.


If you choose to be delusional, it is not. If you choose to live in reality, it is all that bad.



teflon_woman
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10 Apr 2008, 10:27 pm

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I tend to tell lies about myself in hopes of making friends.


All my life people have told me that I behave inappropriately, that I should behave differently. But what I found was that when I tried to behave more "acceptably", all people picked up on was the discomfort and uncertainty, and it only made me less popular. You know what? A lot of people like me the way I am. People try to tell me that they know better how to behave in a given situation than I do, but nobody knows as much as I do about being me, and being me works. How would they know? They're not me. So I don't have a lot of friends, which can be very difficult at times, but the friends I do have are fantastic.



anbuend
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10 Apr 2008, 10:35 pm

If you hate being called smart, is it by any chance because it comes in the form usually of "You're smart, so why do you do such stupid things?"? (Which is one I've heard, a lot.)

Or for that matter, around people anti-intellectual enough, it can just be "You're smart, so I don't like you, at least not if you don't hide it."

Personally, I don't like taking the attitude someone suggested of making yourself feel better because someone out there has it worse than you. That sort of thing always struck me as pretty destructive on a large scale, since it ends up with every situation but the worst one being considered okay, and also often depends on stereotypes about what is worse than anything else (believe it or not, most disabled people think it would be worse to have some other kind of disability, because it's easy to stereotype as awful, something you don't have yourself, once you have it yourself it becomes pretty everyday, and the tools you have to use to get around seem just like the tools anyone else uses in their lives except more socially inconvenient).

But, still, it would be better to think that way temporarily to cheer yourself up than to end up doing something really destructive to yourself because you feel awful.


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11 Apr 2008, 2:26 am

JWRed wrote:
TLPG wrote:
Being an Aspie is not all bad.


If you choose to be delusional, it is not. If you choose to live in reality, it is all that bad.


The sentence that you quoted says "all bad" not "all that bad". Either way, Aspiehood doesn't have to mean a lifetime of despair. It is a disability, yes, but being disabled does not mean that you have to be miserable: you are responsible for your own attitude. Venting is fine, but encouraging people to fall into despair because of who they are and reject everything about themselves, rather than working with their good points and around their bad points, is not.


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