What is a good age to explain the diagnosis to my son?

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jaleb
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27 Feb 2008, 1:19 am

I have not specifically told my 7 year old, but we use the word Asperger and autism around him enough in casual conversation. He goes to an autism center here twice a week for social skills training etc. He knows the word autism we in general treat it like it is not really a big deal. At this point I don't think he feels like he is particularly different from the kids at school, he is well liked for the most part. A lot of the kids have known him since preschool and they accept him for who he is, and there are a couple in special ed and/or speech with him so they don't think it is a big deal. I keep waiting to see if he asks me about it but so far he has never said anything. The only time I have noticed other kids treating him differently is at church. But even then, they are not mean, they just ask why he keeps laying on the floor! At Wednesday night church he goes to a special needs class anyway, so it is really just Sundays and it doesn't seem to bother him. I will have to check out that book that all cats have Aspergers though!


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DW_a_mom
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27 Feb 2008, 12:50 pm

We told my son the diagnosis as we got it, age 7, and it was a huge relief to him. He could tell, after all, that he was different, and now he could understand why he was different, and what that was going to mean to his life. He also thinks it is really cool that certain famous people are Aspies. He wants to be an inventor, and since that is right up the Aspie alley, he figures he is all set!

We explained it as his brain being wired differently, and that it came with gifts and burdens. The gift of being able to think outside of the box, to be inventive, and really good at certain things. The burden of having trouble sometimes socially, in his case with spelling and writing, and so on. The burdens are part and parcel of what it takes to have the gifts, and he LOVES the areas he can see that he is gifted, so he totally is good with the deal.

When he had trouble learning to tie his shoes, I was able to tell him that it was perfectly normal for kids like him. All that makes him feel better. He no longer measures himself against the NT world, and is perfectly happy to do things within what is a "normal" time frame for "kids like him."

Every child is different, but my son really needed to know. It gave him a hook and an explanation. He can't stand things that have no explanation.



CockneyRebel
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27 Feb 2008, 7:54 pm

I wasn't told until I was 15, and I wish that I was told, sooner. I was convinced that my parents hated me, telling me not to talk about my obsessions.


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SmarterCookie
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03 Mar 2008, 1:29 pm

I have two kids with AS. They are now 18 and 16 and I told them as soon as I knew and felt I understood enough to explain it. I told them about how everyone is different and that their brains are a bit different from most people's brains. I emphasized the positives, but explained that everyone had things in life that were hard for them to learn and for them it was social skills. For me it was math. Same thing, really.

I didn't "try" to make AS sound positive. I don't think it is a negative! It is simply a "minority" way of processing.

I am incredibly proud of how my kids feel about their AS; my son even wrote an essay for a college scholarship wherein he discusses being AS as making him "culturally diverse". It was a scholarship for "diversity" and I pointed out to him that although he is white and male, he is a member of a very distinct minority, and as such could bring something very special to his chosen school. He ran with it.

I do not see any reason to keep this information from our kids.



aurea
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03 Mar 2008, 3:04 pm

Hi
I have a 9 year old son, we are in Australia. I was told his diagnoses a week after his 9th birthday. I told him right away. He knew he was different and had trying to understand it himself. He had origanlly been dx'd with adhd and had tried to explain why he was acting a certain way to people at school with the words I can't help it I have adhd or something.
He doesn't fully understand what it all means I just wanted him to know that we all knew it wasn't his fault he did certain things different.
I'm still constantly reassuring him that he is clever, special, interesting and a all round great kid. He worries to much and is paranoid as well.
On another note, the birds and bees thing made me laugh. A couple of weeks ago J asked me how babies get out of the mothers tummy. I was truthful and said they come out of her vagina. He did the whole ewww thing. Then about a week later he was talking about easter with me. A few hours later we are in the car and out of no where he exclaims, "how cool would it be for the easter bunny to give two easter eggs to a pregnant mum one for the mum and a surprise one for the baby, he could hide the babies easter egg in the mums vagina, couldn't he mum then the mum would get 2 great gifts, a baby and another easter egg!" lol yuck.