I'm new: my 5-year is suspected of having mild Asperger's

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welcome

Welcome mastik,

I can understand where you're coming from... so just a few points to consider.

1. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree
Aspergers is genetic, someone in your family or your wife's family will probably have it. With practice, you'll be able to identify them. Note, they may be (and probably will be) quite successful in their own right but may have social issues, be very loud/boisterous or be an expert on certain things.

2. Aspies are part of Nature
Aspies aren't new, they aren't caused by anything. They just exist. They have always existed and they have a role to play in the animal kingdom. You can find aspie animals - there usually are only a few in the herd, but there are always some. The human impact on evolution is probably more responsible for increasing numbers of aspies than anything else.

3. Aspies are Exceptional
There are a lot of very famous aspies, including people like Einstein. (See: Article in the UK Times Yesterday). That doesn't mean that your child will be a scientific genius but that he will grab certain special interests by the horns and become an expert in them.

Don't be depressed, the road to aspiedom is paved with pitfalls (we're operating in an neurotypical world after all) but it's well worth the ride. You son will do well with caring and well rested parents. Make sure you take time out for yourselves too.

Welcome to WP!

I wish my parents/ teachers and such had known about/acknowledged AS/ADD when I was a kid. Nobody knew quite what to do with me when i was a kid. I was a smarter-than-average kid with a bunch of weird developmental difficulties...including hyper-sensitivity...to EVERything

I think AS can be a blessing...as long as it is treated the right way...at least partial recognition is a step in the right direction...alot more helpful and less painful than complete denial .

Do you reckon other people in your family have similar traits?

Interesting question. My wife says she feels socially awkward and has trouble making/keeping friends, though I discount this (maybe wrongly) as she has a few friends. She also complains about not always knowing how to act in public, but so far my son is rather outgoing and gregarious.

The traits I now question are a fear of getting his eyes wet in the bath or during swimming (though he desperately wants to get good at swimming), refusal to eat fruit (but he'll drink juice), excessive hysteria about losing in a game (though he's working to control this because of our disapproval) and basically a tendency to collapse in disappointment over things when they don't turn out as he'd wanted. He just seems a bit obsessive about certain things. He continues to have a bedwetting problem (which I've learned my younger sibling had, as did my mother's sibling). At an old fashioned circus about 18 months ago, he was very restless and complained that the music was bothering. Afterwards he was running around on all fours acting like a horse. We've always simply said "that's just him" or scolded him when he got hysterical about losing. Now we're being advised it's possibly he's a mild Asperger's...

I just don't know, and we're worried about getting him into that whole system (sorry, it's still an alien world to us at this point). But I have to think, especially reading all of your posts here and elsewhere, that it's better to know now. It's awful to say, please don't take it the wrong way, but it's comforting to find out that some of you only found out later and yet somehow you survived. It somehow gives me more hope and encouragement to tackled this now.

Wow, you really have me thinking now...What if I had two guesses who it could be? They're both smart, successful and rather undiplomatic. How does one approach the issue of telling the wider family about your own child - and is it appropriate to start voicing suspicions of other possibles in the family? Or is it the sort of thing that evolves slowly, of its own accord? I mean, I can't see how it would be appropriate to "out" someone...It could be taken as a witch hunt, even though that's absurd.

Hello and welcome to WrongPlanet,

I have 3 sons (9, 7 and 4) - the older two were diagnosed with Asperger's last year and in the first few months I was upset. I didn't want to change them, I just was worried that they wouldn't be happy in life.

Now after much education from WrongPlanet, extensive reading and therapy sessions at an Asperger's Clinic I now know they will be okay.

It's interesting your 'mild denial' reaction ... my husband denied for a long time that their was anything different about the boys and blamed my discipline. I think this is quite a common story.

My husband and I also felt bad with the parent methods .... but you do the best you know how at the time. So no use feeling guilty.

We have changed our parenting methods and our family is now doing well. The boys are happy at school and have made some friends.

I am sure you will learn heaps on this website and make lots of new friends.

Regards
Helen

There are AS tendancies on both sides of my family(noone in my family is diagnosed, save one Low Functioning nonverbal distant cousin)...but alot of my more flagrant traits seem to have come from my mom..

I can relate to some of the traits you describe in your son..i was a bed wetter for longer than average...(George Orwell was a bed wetter as a child)...I outgrew it when I was around 8..but it started back up again briefly when I was in my teens ...In alot of ways I was slow to mature emotionally(I act more like a teenager than a 32 year old to this day)....the hysteria when things don't go the right way....I can/could really really overreact to small things....part of it could be just the dramatics of being a child..it can be hard to gauge "what is normal"..esp..when your are right in the middle of it...(if the hysterical episodes are really big, we often refer to them as meltdowns, and many adults with AS have them..including me..)

...I could be very social and gregarious as a child...I had difficulty understanding boudaries that were not distinctly laid out for me...I became more anti-social as I got older...in respnse to the tendancy I had to be bullied and teased.
Alot of aspies are social...I kind of fall on that side....in my own round-about way.

The refusal to eat fruit might have to do with his sensitivity to the texture of the fruit...and it might be something he will grow out of...(I can't eat lots of fruit because the acids make my mouth swell up..but that has nothing to do with AS)

As a kid...i was hypersensitive to so many things..when they sprayed lysol in the class, I was the only student had to leave the room...noises, smells, the flourescent lights in my classrooms....I was also seriously prone to sudden headaches in reaction to things.

There were things I needed help with that I would have adapted to better if I had had more reinforcement/parental acknowledgement of difficuty....it took me the longest time to learn to dress myself properly, for example...

Anywhoo...um...i am losing my train of thought....

What is his diet like?

Hi. Welcome to the Planet.

"Mild" aspergers is probably just going to come across as some personality quirks, I'd guess. Which people who do not have Aspergers also have... we're all different, remember? I wouldn't stress over this at all, if it were my kid. (Actually, my kid DOES deal with Aspergers, but so do I, and it's just not that awful once you understand it. Actually still, it's not awful at all. It's just different.)

Why are you looking at your child through a new lense? He's the same kid you always had. You just may now have some insight into how he processes his reality - is that what you meant? That's a plus, as from what I understand most NTs never have a clue how they see their own.

He sounds like my kids. Here's the thing- once you know that his problems are real and not just misbehavior you can tackle them with him. For example, will he wear goggles for swimming? Goggles worked great for us.

Oh, I know, I know he's the same kid. But I can't say I understand how he processes his reality. I want to, but it's not true. Maybe it's just too soon...No, it's more selfish than that. It's like I see his _behavior_ in a different light, that I see it as a "symptom". God it's just so fresh. I know he's the same boy, but I "interpret" his behavior now rather than simply being with him. It's like I see him through the glass of an observation room in a hospital. I'm sorry to complain, but it's a horrible feeling. Of course I love him just as much, but I guess I just need to wait for my emotional experience of him to catch up with what I've learned intellectually.

If there's any way you could elaborate about gaining insight into how he processes his reality, I'd be grateful. I sort of get the concept, but to be honest I don't think I really understand what that involves, or in what ways it's different.

I'll have to think about it for a while before I know what I'd like to say in response. Best thing now, I think, for you is to try to relax. Read around on these boards a bit. It might be enlightening.

And think of Thomas Edison, Newton, Einstein, and all the others who showed strong Aspergian traits.

He eats a pretty wide range of stuff. But he really doesn't like things with fillings, like donuts. He won't eat pastries with fruit, and while he's occasionally been able to eat things like jam, it didn't really last. He'll eat meat without much sauce, potatos, rice, milk, cereal, yogurt (white, or lemon), and he's fine with lots of vegetables, vegetable soup, even mushroom soup. I think as far as that goes it could a whole lot worse. I'm happy for him that he even likes ice cream (vanilla or chocolate).

That feels like a very good clue for me to pursue. That it's just different, not awful. I guess I see the two as the same thing. I'll try to think about that more.

Running around acting like a horse sounds like a kid with an incredibly rich imagination, to me. I find the music at the circus to be very loud and annoying. I wouldn't bother getting him "into the system" unless he has significant difficulties. I know NTs who get upset at losing. So far, he sounds like a kid. Not a kid with huge issues. Just a kid. Try to breathe.

To WrongPlanet!! !

I was described as "ret*d", "Brain damaged", or just "different" by many people when I was growing up.
I was always acting silly or "shutting down", I had (and still have) bad motor coordination, stereotypical
motor habits, emotional and mental "meltdowns", and many sensory issues and other co-morbidities,
(ie: tactile hypersensitivity, migraines and bowel problems). Yet I learned to read before the other
students. I excelled in taking math and science exams, but slow in everything else. I was constantly
bullied by classmates. I survived, I graduated high school, learned a trade, got a job, but I was always
the Outsider looking in. I first learned about Asperger Syndrome, and "Higher Functioning" Autism
through various science journals, through WikiPedia I found out about WrongPlanet.

This thread looks at an end, so I just wanted to thank everyone that took the time to respond. I suppose in your own way, you all know how much it means to get precisely that sort of support. My son will be seen in a couple weeks by another doc, so I'm witholding judgement until then. Regardless of the outcome, I'd say my take on parenting has probably been altered for good. I mean forever, but hopefully also for the better...As has my understanding of my children as individuals. Thanks again!