Wanting to have a relationship but have AS

Page 1 of 1 [ 15 posts ] 

MissConstrue
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 19,810
Location: Earth

21 Feb 2008, 2:24 pm

I want to have a relationship again but in the past I always wanted my distance. I still do and that's how my relationships would end. The last guy I dated was like a gemeni always calling me and wanted to go everywhere I went. I hate being alone but don't know how to go about reaching out to others. I think I'll make the same mistakes again becaue of this disorder and hurt other people. Anyone else have this problem or had this problem and now have a good relationship?



Tim_Tex
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2004
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 45,251
Location: Houston, Texas

21 Feb 2008, 2:28 pm

Try to find someone who *will* respect your distance. Sorry, that all the advice I have.


_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!


lithium
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 14 Jan 2008
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 285
Location: Nederland

21 Feb 2008, 2:31 pm

even though i completely s*ck at relationships i can tell you that you should your love interest (if you have one, or as soon as you found him) about your AS and all that comes with it, make sure that he is aware of who you are and try to tell him how he can help you cope as to not hinder the relationship to much because he might feel your to distanced.


_________________
don't try to take me away, like i can live without you/today making love tomorrow/some way swooping you're so fragile/died today you disgraced the model.


Age1600
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2007
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,432
Location: New Jersey

21 Feb 2008, 3:01 pm

MissConstrue wrote:
I want to have a relationship again but in the past I always wanted my distance. I still do and that's how my relationships would end. The last guy I dated was like a gemeni always calling me and wanted to go everywhere I went. I hate being alone but don't know how to go about reaching out to others. I think I'll make the same mistakes again becaue of this disorder and hurt other people. Anyone else have this problem or had this problem and now have a good relationship?


I have this problem, my bf always wants to be where i am, it was bad, i felt like i was being trapped wherever i went, i had to explain sometimes i just need my alone time, understand that. He lives with me now, and even now i tell him to go out hang with friends, do stuff without me, its okay! He use to think i would get mad, but in reality i was happier having my own time. We;ve been together 2 years now, and its going pretty good.


_________________
Being Normal Is Vastly Overrated :wall:


Prof_Pretorius
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Aug 2006
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,985
Location: Hiding in the attic of the Arkham Library

21 Feb 2008, 3:05 pm

It's true that opposites attract. The best thing you can do is to simply explain that when you feel like you need 'space' it's not rejection, just a need for some quiet time.

The Missus and I had to realize we both feel like this from time to time. So we just say that we need some 'alone' time.


_________________
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I feel my fate in what I cannot fear. I learn by going where I have to go. ~Theodore Roethke


AndersTheAspie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Feb 2008
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,862
Location: On the edge of civilization. Denmark.

21 Feb 2008, 3:54 pm

It is probably best to be honest from the very start of a relationship. Say that there will be times when you need to be alone, and that you don't want them to feel bad about it, it is just something you have to do. Most will respect this and it takes the awkwardness out of asking them to leave you to your thoughts.


_________________
Once I knew everything, then I got smarter, now the only thing I know is that I know nothing.
Strange how that worked out isn't it?


RampionRampage
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Feb 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 746
Location: Greater Philly Area, PA

21 Feb 2008, 3:55 pm

Age1600 wrote:
MissConstrue wrote:
I want to have a relationship again but in the past I always wanted my distance. I still do and that's how my relationships would end. The last guy I dated was like a gemeni always calling me and wanted to go everywhere I went. I hate being alone but don't know how to go about reaching out to others. I think I'll make the same mistakes again becaue of this disorder and hurt other people. Anyone else have this problem or had this problem and now have a good relationship?


I have this problem, my bf always wants to be where i am, it was bad, i felt like i was being trapped wherever i went, i had to explain sometimes i just need my alone time, understand that. He lives with me now, and even now i tell him to go out hang with friends, do stuff without me, its okay! He use to think i would get mad, but in reality i was happier having my own time. We;ve been together 2 years now, and its going pretty good.


same. it works well. :)

which is funny, because the stereotype is that girls hate it when guys go out with their friends. and then i start dating and they're upset that i don't go with them. butts.

mark goes to the range/bowling/diner with friends all the time. i don't mind. depending on where i'm at in my life, i even go with him sometimes.

it's a basic compatibility issue, is all.


_________________
As of 2-06-08 --- Axis I: Asperger's Disorder | Axis III: Hearing Impaired
My store: http://www.etsy.com/rampionrampage


2ukenkerl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2007
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,934

21 Feb 2008, 3:59 pm

RampionRampage wrote:
Age1600 wrote:
MissConstrue wrote:
I want to have a relationship again but in the past I always wanted my distance. I still do and that's how my relationships would end. The last guy I dated was like a gemeni always calling me and wanted to go everywhere I went. I hate being alone but don't know how to go about reaching out to others. I think I'll make the same mistakes again becaue of this disorder and hurt other people. Anyone else have this problem or had this problem and now have a good relationship?


I have this problem, my bf always wants to be where i am, it was bad, i felt like i was being trapped wherever i went, i had to explain sometimes i just need my alone time, understand that. He lives with me now, and even now i tell him to go out hang with friends, do stuff without me, its okay! He use to think i would get mad, but in reality i was happier having my own time. We;ve been together 2 years now, and its going pretty good.


same. it works well. :)

which is funny, because the stereotype is that girls hate it when guys go out with their friends. and then i start dating and they're upset that i don't go with them. butts.

mark goes to the range/bowling/diner with friends all the time. i don't mind. depending on where i'm at in my life, i even go with him sometimes.

it's a basic compatibility issue, is all.


Most guys probably LOVE gals like you! Look at a lot of sitcoms, and they talk about the OPPOSITE! If I ever get a relationship, I hope it is with a gal like you. :D



Selo
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2007
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Posts: 375
Location: MD

21 Feb 2008, 4:05 pm

I've never had much of a problem with wanting a lot of space in my relationships - I think the problem with my last couple was having a little too much space. But as Tim said, you should find someone who respects your boundaries as you do theirs. You'll find someone out there.



coyote
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 10 Nov 2004
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 401

21 Feb 2008, 4:11 pm

one of the problem (i think) is that "need time alone" "need distance" etc.... are all codewords for NTs. So they don't hear the words, the only thing they hear is "it's over, this is your last chance".... you need to find someone who will listen to what you say, and not what they think you are trying to say ;)



MissConstrue
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 19,810
Location: Earth

21 Feb 2008, 4:21 pm

2ukenkerl wrote:
RampionRampage wrote:
Age1600 wrote:
MissConstrue wrote:
I want to have a relationship again but in the past I always wanted my distance. I still do and that's how my relationships would end. The last guy I dated was like a gemeni always calling me and wanted to go everywhere I went. I hate being alone but don't know how to go about reaching out to others. I think I'll make the same mistakes again becaue of this disorder and hurt other people. Anyone else have this problem or had this problem and now have a good relationship?


I have this problem, my bf always wants to be where i am, it was bad, i felt like i was being trapped wherever i went, i had to explain sometimes i just need my alone time, understand that. He lives with me now, and even now i tell him to go out hang with friends, do stuff without me, its okay! He use to think i would get mad, but in reality i was happier having my own time. We;ve been together 2 years now, and its going pretty good.


same. it works well. :)

Awww, thankyou.

which is funny, because the stereotype is that girls hate it when guys go out with their friends. and then i start dating and they're upset that i don't go with them. butts.

mark goes to the range/bowling/diner with friends all the time. i don't mind. depending on where i'm at in my life, i even go with him sometimes.

it's a basic compatibility issue, is all.


Most guys probably LOVE gals like you! Look at a lot of sitcoms, and they talk about the OPPOSITE! If I ever get a relationship, I hope it is with a gal like you. :D



RampionRampage
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Feb 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 746
Location: Greater Philly Area, PA

21 Feb 2008, 4:25 pm

2ukenkerl wrote:

Most guys probably LOVE gals like you! Look at a lot of sitcoms, and they talk about the OPPOSITE! If I ever get a relationship, I hope it is with a gal like you. :D


guys' friends and families don't like a gal like me.
and honestly, guys get tired of going solo to everything.


_________________
As of 2-06-08 --- Axis I: Asperger's Disorder | Axis III: Hearing Impaired
My store: http://www.etsy.com/rampionrampage


gbollard
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Oct 2007
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,505
Location: Sydney, Australia

21 Feb 2008, 10:44 pm

I don't suppose you live anywhere near Texas - and like South Park...?



Tim_Tex
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2004
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 45,251
Location: Houston, Texas

21 Feb 2008, 10:47 pm

gbollard wrote:
I don't suppose you live anywhere near Texas - and like South Park...?


Not really all that important anymore.


_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!


MissConstrue
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 19,810
Location: Earth

22 Feb 2008, 2:37 pm

gbollard wrote:
I don't suppose you live anywhere near Texas - and like South Park...?


What?