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Wanting to have a relationship but have AS

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MissConstrue
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21 Feb 2008, 2:24 pm

I want to have a relationship again but in the past I always wanted my distance. I still do and that's how my relationships would end. The last guy I dated was like a gemeni always calling me and wanted to go everywhere I went. I hate being alone but don't know how to go about reaching out to others. I think I'll make the same mistakes again becaue of this disorder and hurt other people. Anyone else have this problem or had this problem and now have a good relationship?



Tim_Tex
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21 Feb 2008, 2:28 pm

Try to find someone who *will* respect your distance. Sorry, that all the advice I have.


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21 Feb 2008, 2:31 pm

even though i completely s*ck at relationships i can tell you that you should your love interest (if you have one, or as soon as you found him) about your AS and all that comes with it, make sure that he is aware of who you are and try to tell him how he can help you cope as to not hinder the relationship to much because he might feel your to distanced.


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Age1600
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21 Feb 2008, 3:01 pm

MissConstrue wrote:
I want to have a relationship again but in the past I always wanted my distance. I still do and that's how my relationships would end. The last guy I dated was like a gemeni always calling me and wanted to go everywhere I went. I hate being alone but don't know how to go about reaching out to others. I think I'll make the same mistakes again becaue of this disorder and hurt other people. Anyone else have this problem or had this problem and now have a good relationship?


I have this problem, my bf always wants to be where i am, it was bad, i felt like i was being trapped wherever i went, i had to explain sometimes i just need my alone time, understand that. He lives with me now, and even now i tell him to go out hang with friends, do stuff without me, its okay! He use to think i would get mad, but in reality i was happier having my own time. We;ve been together 2 years now, and its going pretty good.


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Prof_Pretorius
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21 Feb 2008, 3:05 pm

It's true that opposites attract. The best thing you can do is to simply explain that when you feel like you need 'space' it's not rejection, just a need for some quiet time.

The Missus and I had to realize we both feel like this from time to time. So we just say that we need some 'alone' time.


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AndersTheAspie
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21 Feb 2008, 3:54 pm

It is probably best to be honest from the very start of a relationship. Say that there will be times when you need to be alone, and that you don't want them to feel bad about it, it is just something you have to do. Most will respect this and it takes the awkwardness out of asking them to leave you to your thoughts.


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RampionRampage
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21 Feb 2008, 3:55 pm

Age1600 wrote:
MissConstrue wrote:
I want to have a relationship again but in the past I always wanted my distance. I still do and that's how my relationships would end. The last guy I dated was like a gemeni always calling me and wanted to go everywhere I went. I hate being alone but don't know how to go about reaching out to others. I think I'll make the same mistakes again becaue of this disorder and hurt other people. Anyone else have this problem or had this problem and now have a good relationship?


I have this problem, my bf always wants to be where i am, it was bad, i felt like i was being trapped wherever i went, i had to explain sometimes i just need my alone time, understand that. He lives with me now, and even now i tell him to go out hang with friends, do stuff without me, its okay! He use to think i would get mad, but in reality i was happier having my own time. We;ve been together 2 years now, and its going pretty good.


same. it works well. :)

which is funny, because the stereotype is that girls hate it when guys go out with their friends. and then i start dating and they're upset that i don't go with them. butts.

mark goes to the range/bowling/diner with friends all the time. i don't mind. depending on where i'm at in my life, i even go with him sometimes.

it's a basic compatibility issue, is all.


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2ukenkerl
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21 Feb 2008, 3:59 pm

RampionRampage wrote:
Age1600 wrote:
MissConstrue wrote:
I want to have a relationship again but in the past I always wanted my distance. I still do and that's how my relationships would end. The last guy I dated was like a gemeni always calling me and wanted to go everywhere I went. I hate being alone but don't know how to go about reaching out to others. I think I'll make the same mistakes again becaue of this disorder and hurt other people. Anyone else have this problem or had this problem and now have a good relationship?


I have this problem, my bf always wants to be where i am, it was bad, i felt like i was being trapped wherever i went, i had to explain sometimes i just need my alone time, understand that. He lives with me now, and even now i tell him to go out hang with friends, do stuff without me, its okay! He use to think i would get mad, but in reality i was happier having my own time. We;ve been together 2 years now, and its going pretty good.


same. it works well. :)

which is funny, because the stereotype is that girls hate it when guys go out with their friends. and then i start dating and they're upset that i don't go with them. butts.

mark goes to the range/bowling/diner with friends all the time. i don't mind. depending on where i'm at in my life, i even go with him sometimes.

it's a basic compatibility issue, is all.


Most guys probably LOVE gals like you! Look at a lot of sitcoms, and they talk about the OPPOSITE! If I ever get a relationship, I hope it is with a gal like you. :D



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21 Feb 2008, 4:05 pm

I've never had much of a problem with wanting a lot of space in my relationships - I think the problem with my last couple was having a little too much space. But as Tim said, you should find someone who respects your boundaries as you do theirs. You'll find someone out there.



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21 Feb 2008, 4:11 pm

one of the problem (i think) is that "need time alone" "need distance" etc.... are all codewords for NTs. So they don't hear the words, the only thing they hear is "it's over, this is your last chance".... you need to find someone who will listen to what you say, and not what they think you are trying to say ;)



MissConstrue
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21 Feb 2008, 4:21 pm

2ukenkerl wrote:
RampionRampage wrote:
Age1600 wrote:
MissConstrue wrote:
I want to have a relationship again but in the past I always wanted my distance. I still do and that's how my relationships would end. The last guy I dated was like a gemeni always calling me and wanted to go everywhere I went. I hate being alone but don't know how to go about reaching out to others. I think I'll make the same mistakes again becaue of this disorder and hurt other people. Anyone else have this problem or had this problem and now have a good relationship?


I have this problem, my bf always wants to be where i am, it was bad, i felt like i was being trapped wherever i went, i had to explain sometimes i just need my alone time, understand that. He lives with me now, and even now i tell him to go out hang with friends, do stuff without me, its okay! He use to think i would get mad, but in reality i was happier having my own time. We;ve been together 2 years now, and its going pretty good.


same. it works well. :)

Awww, thankyou.

which is funny, because the stereotype is that girls hate it when guys go out with their friends. and then i start dating and they're upset that i don't go with them. butts.

mark goes to the range/bowling/diner with friends all the time. i don't mind. depending on where i'm at in my life, i even go with him sometimes.

it's a basic compatibility issue, is all.


Most guys probably LOVE gals like you! Look at a lot of sitcoms, and they talk about the OPPOSITE! If I ever get a relationship, I hope it is with a gal like you. :D



RampionRampage
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21 Feb 2008, 4:25 pm

2ukenkerl wrote:

Most guys probably LOVE gals like you! Look at a lot of sitcoms, and they talk about the OPPOSITE! If I ever get a relationship, I hope it is with a gal like you. :D


guys' friends and families don't like a gal like me.
and honestly, guys get tired of going solo to everything.


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gbollard
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21 Feb 2008, 10:44 pm

I don't suppose you live anywhere near Texas - and like South Park...?


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Tim_Tex
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21 Feb 2008, 10:47 pm

gbollard wrote:
I don't suppose you live anywhere near Texas - and like South Park...?


Not really all that important anymore.


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MissConstrue
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22 Feb 2008, 2:37 pm

gbollard wrote:
I don't suppose you live anywhere near Texas - and like South Park...?


What?