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digger1
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23 Feb 2008, 10:35 pm

and I feel really, really bad about it, too.

There was this special girl on the bus. By "special", I mean she was in the classes in school where the kids who wore helmets were in. Does that make sense?

Anyway, we had assigned seating on our bus. Every morning when I got on the bus, I sat next to this girl who never spoke. I used to make it look like I was talking to the boy in the seat in front of me and I had my arms up on the back of his seat to make it look like I wasn't doing anything to the girl. But in fact, I was twisting my leg around hers and squeezing. It used to make her cry and look at me like "why are you doing that to me?"

I think I was maybe 10 or 11 when I did that. I'm almost 35 and it still gnaws at me. I hate myself because of it. I wish I could look up that girl if I could only remember her name and apologize and give her a big hug and be her friend and protect her from people who mean her harm. I would so do that given half the chance.

I cry about it sometimes. Worst part is, my 6 month old daughter sometimes gives me that same look when I'm swaddling her when she's screaming and I know she's tired when she's rubbing her eyes and yawning. When she looks at me like that, I just melt and I start to well up quite a bit.

Just thought I'd share.



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23 Feb 2008, 10:47 pm

well at least you are remorseful about it. people make mistakes. just make sure when your daughter grows up, she learns from you not to treat"special" kids in that way.



digger1
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23 Feb 2008, 10:48 pm

or anyone...

thanks



CockneyRebel
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23 Feb 2008, 10:52 pm

That was very brave of you to share with us. I never did anything like that, and being a "Sid", I'm glad that I didn't. I've tagged myself as being a Sid, because I have many characteristics that come along with the Spectrum, like Sid does, though we're both Aspies.


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JerryHatake
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23 Feb 2008, 10:52 pm

I have remorse for my actions with some people but some people yet to forgive me still.


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CockneyRebel
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24 Feb 2008, 5:29 pm

I do think that it was very brave of you to admit to that, though.


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Kalister1
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24 Feb 2008, 6:03 pm

Its already mate, we're not all angels



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24 Feb 2008, 7:20 pm

Let it go. Most kids act like a***holes to some degree at that age, I know I did, so don't carry it round with you for the rest of your life.



CockneyRebel
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24 Feb 2008, 7:25 pm

I was feeling the exact same way, about calling a substitute teacher, "Mrs. Fat Lady", at the age of eight, until just a few days, ago. I've decided to let go, and forget about it.


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digger1
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24 Feb 2008, 7:40 pm

I'd let it go if I knew for a certainty she was okay and that I didn't do any lasting emotional harm to her. I just wish I could know if she's happy today.



gbollard
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24 Feb 2008, 8:46 pm

Find out who she is and send her a card and flowers.

Tell her that you're not expecting her to forgive you but you want her to know that you're sorry anyway.



25 Feb 2008, 3:27 am

You shouldn't beat yourself up over it. You were a kid, children can bully others but some learn to outgrow it and that is you. It's normal for kids to tease and make fun of others because they don't know any better so it's the grown ups' job to teach them to not to do it by telling them it's wrong, giving them a punishment but sadly lot of parents believe its okay for kids to do it so they don't do anything about it and what happens with them, they grow up to be as*holes. I'm sure some learn on their own that it's wrong so they stop.

As an adult, I forgive all the kids who were ever mean to me. It's a possibility some haven't changed because they are still as*holes.



howzat
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25 Feb 2008, 10:13 am

I used 2 prank people a lot as i used 2 get bore but i wouldn't do dat now as i have now learn't my lession.



Griff
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25 Feb 2008, 10:43 am

digger1 wrote:
and I feel really, really bad about it, too.
Well, there's remorse for you. Consider it a good omen.

Quote:
There was this special girl on the bus. By "special", I mean she was in the classes in school where the kids who wore helmets were in. Does that make sense?
The ones who wear helmets aren't necessarily ret*d. The thing that the helmets are there to guard against is an involuntary behavior. In fact, much of the "MR" in this group should be considered suspect. Often, you find complete personalities beneath these apparent symptoms.

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I think I was maybe 10 or 11 when I did that. I'm almost 35 and it still gnaws at me. I hate myself because of it.
What, because you were a sociopathic, little brat once? Look, if you've grown into a more mature, responsible person, don't even worry about it. Just try to be there to keep others from inflicting the same kind of guilt upon themselves.

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I wish I could look up that girl if I could only remember her name and apologize and give her a big hug and be her friend and protect her from people who mean her harm. I would so do that given half the chance.
No. The one who needs a protector is the other: the one who would grow up with a conscience weighted with guilt and regret. The little autistic girl was hopefully fortunate enough to have people in her life who were willing to raise her up. Most of the teachers who work with these kids, as annoying as they can be to higher functioning autists who end up in the same classes, are incredibly beautiful and tolerant people. I've known a few of them.

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I cry about it sometimes. Worst part is, my 6 month old daughter sometimes gives me that same look when I'm swaddling her when she's screaming and I know she's tired when she's rubbing her eyes and yawning. When she looks at me like that, I just melt and I start to well up quite a bit.
Tell her this story. Tell her, to the best of your ability, why you did what you did and why you regret having done it. Wisdom should be passed down. Always.

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Just thought I'd share.
Thank you. I think that many of us will appreciate this a great deal.



Griff
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25 Feb 2008, 12:43 pm

By the way, I think that it would be beneficial for you to examine some of the modern research on swaddling. Some professionals today believe that swaddling may sometimes result in anxieties later in life. If the same was done to you, perhaps it would be beneficial to examine this modern research some for yourself. It may be the cause for some of your sociopathic behavior as a child and some of your anxiety issues as an adult.

I dare not assert this as valid as a professional opinion, but it is a thought to consider.

Personally, I think that it is similar to treating patients afflicted with psychotic symptoms by having them chained and shackled.



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25 Feb 2008, 1:18 pm

digger1, you seem to have a kind heart. At least for someone with your signature :wink: .

To the excellent post by Griff, I have nothing more to add.