digger1 wrote:
and I feel really, really bad about it, too.
Well, there's remorse for you. Consider it a good omen.
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There was this special girl on the bus. By "special", I mean she was in the classes in school where the kids who wore helmets were in. Does that make sense?
The ones who wear helmets aren't necessarily ret*d. The thing that the helmets are there to guard against is an involuntary behavior. In fact, much of the "MR" in this group should be considered suspect. Often, you find complete personalities beneath these apparent symptoms.
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I think I was maybe 10 or 11 when I did that. I'm almost 35 and it still gnaws at me. I hate myself because of it.
What, because you were a sociopathic, little brat once? Look, if you've grown into a more mature, responsible person, don't even worry about it. Just try to be there to keep others from inflicting the same kind of guilt upon themselves.
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I wish I could look up that girl if I could only remember her name and apologize and give her a big hug and be her friend and protect her from people who mean her harm. I would so do that given half the chance.
No. The one who needs a protector is the other: the one who would grow up with a conscience weighted with guilt and regret. The little autistic girl was hopefully fortunate enough to have people in her life who were willing to raise her up. Most of the teachers who work with these kids, as annoying as they can be to higher functioning autists who end up in the same classes, are incredibly beautiful and tolerant people. I've known a few of them.
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I cry about it sometimes. Worst part is, my 6 month old daughter sometimes gives me that same look when I'm swaddling her when she's screaming and I know she's tired when she's rubbing her eyes and yawning. When she looks at me like that, I just melt and I start to well up quite a bit.
Tell her this story. Tell her, to the best of your ability, why you did what you did and why you regret having done it. Wisdom should be passed down. Always.
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Just thought I'd share.
Thank you. I think that many of us will appreciate this a great deal.