Book recommendations needed: how to talk to son about sex

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Just wondered if other parents have used any good books on the subject of puberty, sex, etc. My son just turned 11 and we have talked a little about it but he learns 99% of everything he knows by reading. He's a voractious reader, is very bright and responds much better to written information than anything. He has a good sense of humor and also loves things in comic form. Any ideas?

<humor>
playboy
</humor>

Well.

The way we tackled it, was by answering questions when he was young. There wasen't a whole lot left. when he reached 11.
One of the tools we used was the movie "The miracle of life." It talks about conception, fetal development, and ends up with a
(tasteful in our opinion) life birth. This was a good starting point for most of our discussions.

I have not seen any books that do up the topic well. I recommend you check your local library.

I have a suggestion on what not to do.....
Don't take your book (whatever you pick) and read it to him at bedtime every night.

That is what my mother did to me when I was 11 or 12, and I still cringe when I think about it.

we talked about it when he was younger.....by the time he turned 11, he was in health class in middle school. around here, sex ed is taught in health class unless you sign a paper that states you don't wish for your child to participate in class discussions

I've already done everything already mentioned and he can pretty much talk to me about anything. We've talked about it but my son just likes to have a reference book....for everything..So was just looking for a good title for his own reference...and NO I would not read it to him at night- OMG:)

It depends on age.

My kids are still young 4 and 7 but I plan to explain things verbally and with paper rather than relying on a book.

Also - older kids don't like kiddie books which explain nothing.

When I was young my mother gave me a kiddie board book and walked away saying - you can ask any questions.

A week later she said "do you have any questions" - I said "yes, but not from the book you gave me... my questions are from the book in your bottom drawer" (it was one of those 200 page textbooks).

She didn't want to answer any... so I asked about the crease marks on pages "186-187" - did you roll over on them?

That killed the subject entirely.

I recommend porn, but, uh, don't listen to me. That might result in your son growing into an adult who understands and accepts his sexuality.

Instead, give him health textbooks. They will present information that is just accurate enough to make him understand where babies come from but inaccurate enough to make sex appear boring if not scary. This is the way it should be.

I described it matter-of-factly to my sons with some diagrams I drew (I'm a health professional).

They just wanted to have a look at my anatomy (I'm the only female in the household!) but I said no.

It's no big deal .... just a part of life like eating and drinking.

I also explained to the boys that you need to be in a committed relationship.

Helen

Are you raising my son? 11 yo, voracious reader, wants to learn about everything, sounds like Z. I have to agree with Evilteach The Miracle Of Life is probably your best bet if he must have a book. Save the actual "How To" manuals until he is a little older. If he is like Z he could surprise you with how much he actually knows.

Sounds like you're doing a great job. (Of course that means Cor and I are too) so take the compiment for whatever it may be worth.

My theory is that whatever happens, at some point porn will become involved - though generally it will be the kids (boys mainly) seeking it out themselves.

My kids aren't asking questions yet and I certainly have no intention to confront them with details when they first ask... I'll start with an overview and question time etc...

but...

at some point, I feel that it will be necessary to talk to them about porn. Specifically about;

1. How it can give them unrealistic expectations of what people can and should look like.
2. How the general practices shown in pornography aren't things that should take place in a normal (especially young) relationship.

Gavin is right on the mark about porn.

I would add a #3

the purpose of online porn is to make money for the owner of the site.

I'm glad no one talked to me about sex at 11. If they had, then I would have known you wouldn't get pregnant every single time you had sex. if I had known that, I doubt I would have turned down my 13 year old bf when he asked my 12 year old self for sex

I let my 10 year old read "It's Perfectly Normal." by Robie Harris. It is pretty graphic and full of info, but the style is relaxed and nonthreatening. It shows alot of cartoon naked people of different ages and body types. It also presents non-traditional families and homosexuality as normal, which is important in our family value scheme.