Can someone help me understand this???

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The other night Damien brough to me this coloured glitter like foil paper and asked where he should put it. I thought nothing of it till I saw more and a bit out of a book. I asked him where the rest of it was and he pointed to his wardrobe. He had destroyed a really nice bug book.
His reason "Lizard told me to but Dog said NO NO NO!" I asked him if there was something in it he didn't like and he said no.
WHY????
He has now lost all books apart from ones suitable from birth.
I feel so angry, sad. He doesn't even care that he lost his books.

my mother would say "you see why we can't have nice things?? do you SEEE??" and then use corporal punishment. I remember only that I saw her throwing away shiny candy kisses wrappers that were foil like that and didn't see the difference with my books and her candy wrappers, as it was all paper, wasn't it?

I got it that they were both paper, but I didn't get that one was to be cared for and the other disposed of. I didn't know there were more uses for one thing or another. I watched my mother cut fabric for sewing, and the shears also cut my hair that in my ignorance I cut to hear the crisp cut and snip of the shears going through and cutting the hair. I suppose she had somewhere for me to go that I was inappropriate with raggedly chopped hair. I just didn't get it, is all. Years later, I felt bad that I had disappointed her so badly. I didn't know ( and she never did) that I was AS. I was just bad.

the joy in your life is you know, and you don't blame him, you just know he doesn't get it YET.
but he will. thank you for teaching him thank you for your patience and thank you for understanding.

Merle

Corpral punishment sounds a bit harsh.
In this ountry we are NOT ALLOWED to smack our kids anymore. Not that I would for that.
Um patience and understanding, well those are 2 things he needs most I think.
But why not tell me straight after book had been destroyed? Or next day even? It isn't the first time he has destroyed a book btu there was no point in asking him the first time it happened because he was non verbal.
I still don't get it tho, if he didn't like something in it why not tell me? Why just destroy it then hide it?

Did you ever tell him, destroying books is bad? He honestly, might not know. You can't expect him to assume anything. He has to learn every single thing, seperately, no matter how insignificant. That's why, it is said that we(on the spectrum) have no common sense. We lack the ability to assume.

I don't know if that was of any help. I'm probably the last person, that should give parental advice.

I have told him that books are special and you have to be gentle with them. he has been so good with his books lately tho.

And it doesn't matter if you are a parent or not when I amsk for help or advice. You KNOW what he might be going thru or feeling, I have no idea

Then I was right, you didn't tell him that destroying the book was bad. He probably just tore it up more gently. You can't expect him to understand 'special' either. I know it isn't your style, but, you should be more direct. It will be easier for both of you and, he will not think you are a mean mom, because of it. It will also, most likely, reduce his anxiety some too.

Even tho I have shown how to treat a book? I can be and have been stern with him when it has been required and am getting better at being more direct Short sentances and remember that he might be 5 but his brain isn't, if you get what I mean.

I am thinking there was something he didn't like it in. Maybe one of the insects, or the colours or the feel of the foil paper.

I am on the higher-functioning side of AS. I know it's probably hard to tell but, does your son have AS or is he elsewhere on the spectrum?

I used to wreck all my toys as a child. I was often interested in what was inside a toy.. with bad results. Sometimes I used to also draw on my things too.

It was just how I played with things. Pretty different to an NT child. I think I was just interested in what things were made of, and what would happen if I do X, rather than roleplaying with the toys, or looking after them.

In the photograph the boy looks very young though. I dont think it is uncommon for a young child to draw on things, even an NT child.

As I recall, sinsboldly is older than I am. At that time, corporal punishment was the norm. NOW, in the US, it could be met with great disdain to say the least.

*I* never did that sort of thing. I WAS yelled at for taking machines/electronics apart, bt that was usually to fix them after they broke. I often succeeded. If I wanted to do something and didn't understand the idea of limited supply and/or future use, I MIGHT have done what your son did.

Maybe he's afraid to tell you. I remember getting yelled at, by my mother, for telling the truth, whenever I did something that she thought was bad. I've started to tell lies and keep secrets from her, and I've done it, for years, until I've moved out. Maybe your son is trying to avoid getting in trouble. Maybe, he might be hiding the truth, from you.

Don't assume that. He very likely was just interacting with it in a different way than you might have thought of. Yes - *even tho* you have shown him how to treat a book - you still have to say things like "and *don't* take pages out of the book." My son did a lot of destruction when he was young - he didn't do it to destroy things or because he didn't like them - it was just his way of interacting with them. Note - that didn't make it less frustrating for us. We tried everything to stop him, to teach him. Eventually, he grew out of it. But there were a lot of things that he could only interact with while supervised. We also did try to give him things he could take apart... But - don't assume his reasons are anything you can imagine. I highly doubt he was trying to destroy it or didn't like it.

I was careful with my toys, but not so with my clothes. I was very annoyed that I should take extra care for some of my clothes and preferred those most worn out so that nobody shouted at me because of them. They worked the same for me.

I think your boy does not understand WHY he should take extra care with certain items (we know it is because these are more costly, right? but this fact is beyond his understanding).

In my opinion, the best solution for both would be not to give him any items you value more than he.

I'm just throwing a guess out there, but you said that the book he had torn up was one with glitter paper inside of cardboard, right? I'm wondering if he was just taking it apart to see how it was put together. I took a few books like that apart, because I wanted to see how the foil was put inside of it. I also took a few apart so that I could see the spine of the book,and so I could see, touch, and explore how the book went together. My AS brother also took any pop up book apart, I'm guessing for the same reasons.

If your son isn't reading the books yet, he may very well not care if he loses them, or not. It's just a bunch of paper to him. I put away all of the expensive books, and I only take them out to read them to my kids, then put them away again. Maybe, you could just stick with cheap books, or magazines until your son gets a little older?

Maybe he wanted the foil. Was it the kind that shines different colours? I used to collect those.

jawbrodt, he has autism not AS but on the higher funtioning end of the spectrum

serenity, I mentioned your idea to my Dad and he said that it may have been the reason. Maybe he did want to see hwo the foil paper got in between the pages.

CockneyRebel, I don't know why he would be scared to tell me. I don't yell at him if he does something naughty.
He is also starting to lie about things and my only guess (that is all I can do really is guess) is that he has heard other parents yell at their own kids for beign naughty and he might think that ALL parents do that even tho I don't.